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Jewish Journal

Pre-Dating

by Ilana Angel

November 2, 2009 | 2:10 pm

Dating is a drag.  It takes so much time and effort to meet someone, decide if you want to go out with them, decide if it should be a coffee, drink, dinner or a walk, finding something to wear, meet at a place or be picked up and then when it finally all gets sorted out you realize that you are going to meet a complete stranger and hope that he is safe, kind and honest.

It really is horrible and yet I continue to do it and the more disappointed a date is the more I am determined to not give up or be broken by a series of men who are not worthy and by not worthy of course I mean that they should be ashamed of themselves for being so dishonest.  For some reason my last few dates have been with the type of men that make me think I should get another cat and call it a day.

I’m trying to figure out how it is possible that I don’t give up and a different type of woman would have surrendered already and I know many who have. But not me!  Men say they are single when they are married, divorced when they are separated,  tall when they are short, funny when they are not and say they are looking for a relationship and by relationship of course they mean they are looking for a really meaningful 45 minutes.

The best time in the course of dating is the pre-date because you have not met in person and there is a freedom and safety that comes with the phone where you can talk and share and get a sense of a person and by sense of that person of course I mean you get what they give you but it’s almost old fashioned in the simplicity and you can convince yourself that you can believe what they tell you in a small window of time where the possibilities are endless.

Last night I spent a long time talking to a man I met on JDate and I had such a nice time.  He was charming and made me laugh and it was a discussion that was more meaningful than it would have been at a Starbucks or over a drink because the phone removes some nerves and by nerves I mean that I am my most comfortable sitting on my couch talking freely.

This gentleman and I are having dinner on Thursday night which means that for the next 4 days I can be excited about the possibilities that I might have a nice date with a nice man.  This will be a great 4 days that will, based on my recent history, be the best part of the date.  Or maybe, just maybe he is lovely and we will have a nice time.

Pre-dating is a time to be optimistic that you will have a great date and whether it is or isn’t, it is a reminder to keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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