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Jewish Journal

Praying For Change

by Ilana Angel

March 26, 2013 | 3:25 pm

I pray everyday.  I wake up in prayer and go to sleep in prayer.  A lot of time it is not a prayer as much as it is a conversation with God.  I talk about what is going on so I can put it all out into the universe and hope it comes back in a way that makes things better.  Lately I have been praying for change.  I am traveling in circles and I need change to send me in a new direction. 

I have been working on changes in my work and for the first time in a very long time I feel like I am close to my professional goals being reached.  It has been slow and steady and while I know that can win a race, I am not in a race.  I am simply ready for things to happen and feel prepared for the changes that will come when those things finally do come. God willing.

I have been patient as I watch others reach their goals.  I have been patient as I saw opportunities come and go. I have been patient as I dealt with the consequences of making wrong decisions.  I have been patient as I teach myself to change the things about me that I don’t like.  I have been patient as I learn about myself and enter into the next phase of my life.

I am going to turn 47 in a couple of weeks and for my birthday I am praying for change. I want to value myself enough to know that I deserve everything.  I want to believe that my dreams will come true, and not just hope that they will. I want to know that I am living my best life.  I want to change things in my life to make room for changes to come into my life.

I can control my weight, so that is on my list.  I can control how I treat the people in my life that I love, so that is on the list.  I can control how I treat the people in my life who should not be, so that is on my list.  I want to be an exceptional mother, daughter, sister, friend and partner to the people that matter the most to me, so that is on the list.  Good thing I like lists.

I believe there are changes coming and I am excited.  Even if the changes are not what I want or expect, I can only pray that I will learn something because knowledge is power, and power matters when you are facing the unknown.  I don’t know what the future holds so all I can do is get ready and surround myself with people that I love, trust, and dream with.

Before people panic and think there are hidden messages in this blog, there are not.  I'm just ready for some things to change, and so I am working on being excited rather than scared.  I have been dreaming of these changes for a long time and cannot wait for it all to kick in.  Not only for me, but for the people that I love and am anxious to share everything with.

Not everything needs to change of course because my life is blessed and I am a lucky girl.  It is really just about getting ready because when change comes I want to be in a comfortable place in my relationships, in my body, and with my prayers.  It is a scary and exciting time so I will continue to pray, hope change finally comes, and focus on keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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