January 6, 2011 | 9:47 am

Patty Stanger & Millionaire Matchmaker Are Bad For Women, Jews & TV

Posted by Ilana Angel

Follow JewishJournal.com on

Robin McDrunkerstein

Patty Stanger awful.  I am embarrassed for her and for her family that she did not change her name.  Even more disturbing is that she is a Jew, and driving the stereotypes of Jewish women into hell.  I made the mistake of watching this week and it is now haunting me.

From the moment this show starts I feel like my eyes will start bleeding and the only relief will be to shoot my television.  I get my son’s bow and arrow set, and even though I know I should look away, I place the arrow into position and begin to watch an hour of pure crap.

There is a millionaire woman who is tragic.  She is 33, full figured, a Jewish publicist, and drunk from the moment we meet her.  If I were her, I’d be on the phone with my attorney right now.  The next millionaire is a 45 year old Italian man who has never been married.

The girl, Robin, lives is an apartment that is mostly pink and she wants a Hello Kitty wedding.  There will not be enough arrows to break the television, and then impale myself.  Patty tells her she needs to ask questions, and they are the things Oprah would ask.  Is she kidding?  Patty is a whack job.

That Patty Stanger would compare herself to Oprah is insane and a clear indication that she is crazy.  By crazy of course I mean high.  Patty is talking to Robin and the two of them together are making my Jewish head spin.  They keep talking about being Jewish and I am prepping an arrow.

The guy millionaire is John, an Italian who is afraid of commitment.  Patty is mean to him, tells him he’s an idiot, and he’s okay with it.  Why would someone want to be abused by her, why would they want it to be public, and where does she find these people?  I hate this show.

Stanger is interviewing people to meet her millionaires.  She pulls in some super cute Jewish guys for the drunk and it’s fascinating that these men are single.  I’m not buying it.  They are looking to get on television and I wonder if they are getting paid to be there.  Gotta be.

The millionaires are given Patty’s services for free.  Why else would they subject themselves to such humiliation?  There is a cute guy called Charlie and a homeless guy who is cute but clearly a mess.  She keeps Charlie, dumps the homeless guy, and then finds Luke, a super hot Jew.

He has a nicer body than face, but he’s a blue collar Jew, and you can pop a quarter off his ass.  She tells him to come meet a millionaire, as he is just what Robin is looking for.  Seriously, this guy is cute, and a pig, and an idiot, and if he digs her, it’s all about the money.

Robin is drunk while meeting the men.  She meets Luke the plumber and it’s over.  She is falling all over him and he is a pig.  While I will admit that I’m laughing, I feel bad for her.  She is a sweet girl who is being humiliated and it’s quite mean.  Get a lawyer Robin.

Italian John is sweet but it’s impossible to care because I am now obsessed with Robin.  She is talking to an ex-NYPD guy named Anthony who is adorable.  He is really lovely and all she cares about is Luke the plumber.  She is now full blown hammered.  Hilarious.

Robin is now with Luke and she loves him.  He tells her he needs a backer for his new business and she says she’ll help him.  Train wreck.  Her make-up, dress, smile and drunken stupor are all horrible.  She ‘s sad and Patty’s a pig.

John picks Dana and I love her.  I loved him and them together. She is from the Jersey Shore, was super pretty, and they were sweet.  I want them to get married.  They won’t.  Patty has never had a marriage since she has been on television.  She is a fraud.

Luke decides he will take Robin for a bike ride through Central Park.  Oh. My. God.  He tells her he wants a motorcycle.  She says she will buy him one.  She is lusting after him while he is trying to figure out how he can stomach sleeping with her to score some swag.

They go on a cruise around Manhattan and Robin is drunk again.  She has nothing to talk to him about, and bless his Neanderthal heart, he is trying to engage her but she’s a moron.  He is telling her all the things he needs money for and she is offering to help.

He even says on camera she is not his type and he wished she were more attractive.  I have now shot myself with two arrows and am wishing I had a drink to take the edge off.  She is telling him she loves him, wants to buy him everything and have sex with him.

It’s beyond a train wreck.  She is being exploited and embarrassed and it’s not cool.  She is drunk and nobody is watching out for her. Instead, they are letting her drink and it’s not pretty.  She is a professional and they are allowing her to compromise her career.

I think Patty should be ashamed of herself.  She is not in a relationship, has never been married, had her fiancé dump her after 5 years, and nothing she says makes sense, and is crude.  She has no credibility in my book and I think this show should be cancelled.

Patty then meets with Robin after the date and bashes on her.  She is mean and hurtful and it’s gross.  Patty is obnoxious and quite frankly disgusting.  Just because she has a show about matchmaking does not mean she is good at what she does.  This show proves she is not.

The hour is over and I’ve got two arrows by my thigh and two on the floor by the television.  God Bless Nerf because otherwise this would have been messy.  I’m officially never watching or writing about this again.  I hope it’s cancelled, and so for that I am keeping the faith.