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Jewish Journal

Oy Oprah!

by Ilana Angel

October 21, 2009 | 11:13 am

I was at home yesterday and totally excited because I was going to watch Oprah while I worked.  My son had been safely deposited at the mall with his friends so I made a cup of tea, got situated on the couch and then before I could even start my afternoon it was all over as Oprah began to tell me about how 8 woman were infected with HIV by a man some of them met online. 

The saddest story was a women who had been married for 25 years and her only sexual partner had been her husband.  She got divorced, met a man online and contracted HIV.  They were all lovely and my heart broke for all of them but this one woman touched me as she was the mother of one son and her pain was palpable.

How brave they all were to come forward and share what happened to them.  The man who infected them is thought to have infected many more women and is currently serving a 45 year sentence in prison.  I shall keep these women in my prayers and wish them health and happiness.

Can you ever really know what someone’s history is and even if you insist on getting tested and using protection the risks are so high that I wonder what kind of sex life will be available to our children and by children of course I mean it will be 10 years before my son even thinks about it and by 10 years of course I mean I am in total denial about my son and his ever having sex.

If I were to really think about internet dating and list out all the horror stories I have heard and add my own to that list I don’t think I could go out on another date with anyone I met online as I would just be too scared.  To be honest it’s not even just about meeting them online because dating in general is so scary that some days it hardly seems worth it.

I’m not sure what other options are available to meet single people and more importantly ways for women to meet single men who are interested in having relationships not just “hooking up”.  I think that sex is a great thing and really important in a relationship but it’s the one thing that can ruin everything and there is no taking it back once you cross the line.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed that I am single at this stage of my life but if my choices were to be in an unhappy marriage or having to be on the dating hell train I would take the train but with that said maybe what I need to do is get off the train and just start walking because when you focus on getting somewhere quickly you can take a bad turn and end up in the wrong place.

I’m going to have to check with my good friend TIVO before I make plans to spend some time with Oprah again.  Nothing can ruin an afternoon like a joy sucker.  I shall navigate carefully, be thankful that I have an open relationship with my son where he can talk about sex and ask questions and pray that he makes the right decisions for himself and his partner. In 10 years.

I never would have pegged Oprah as a party pooper but she is.  She took my lovely afternoon at home and sucked all the joy right out of it. On Monday night I was hopeful and knew that love was attainable and then by 3:05 on Tuesday I was slapped in the face by reality and by reality I mean I seriously need to get a couple of cats, buy some batteries and call it a day.

I am reading a book about how to properly date online so I will report back next week on what I learned.  My fingers are crossed because at this point I am not too proud to say I need help.  It might be time for a new plan and by a new plan of course I mean that finding a Beshert might require more than just keeping the faith.

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