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Keeping the Faith

February 27, 2011 | 10:32 pm

Oscars Sucked, Corey Haim Snubbed & No Amount of Booze Could Make it Watchable

Posted by Ilana Angel

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The 83rd Academy Award Oscar show was painful to watch.  By painful of course I mean I would have rather stuck my hand down my own throat and removed my kidney, than have to sit through one more excruciating minute. Had I been on the east coast, and stayed up until past 11:30 pm to watch it all, I would be pissed off and completely drunk right now.

Here is a list of the top ten things that sucked about this show:

1) Anne Hathaway
2) James Franco
3) James Franco in drag
4) Kids choir
5) lame ass writing
6) ugly dresses
7) the time it wasted out of my life
8) snubbing Corey Haim in memoriam
9) Melissa Leo’s speech
10) not enough booze to make it bearable

Here are the top ten things that did not suck about the show:

1) Bob Hope & Billy Crystal
2) Alec Baldwin
3) Steven Spielberg
4) Colin Firth
5) Sandra Bullock
6) guy whose mom did craft service on his film
7) Randy Newman
8) auto-tune movies into musicals
9) first 2 minutes of Kirk Douglas
10)  airplane vodka bottles found in my freezer

I love movies and I love watching the Academy Awards, but this show made me want to pull my hair out one at a time.  It was a mess, made no sense, was not funny, wasted my time, and was annoying.  If this show had an actor equivalent, it would be Charlie Sheen.  A complete and total train wreck, better caught in clips on YouTube.

If you watched, share your favorite moments, and those that made you want to shove the remote down your throat until you blacked out.  I will watch next year, like always, but hopefully they will learn from this disaster.  All we can do is go to the movies, and keep the faith.

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They were pretty painful to watch. you pretty much nailed it with your lists.  We actually watched The Amazing Race in the middle and it was,well..amazing.  One bright spot, we won’t have to watch those Anne Hathaway/James Franco commercials anymore.  They were beyond stupid. What was up with Scarlett Johanson’s hair?  That’s exactly what my hair looks like when I wash it and just let it go. I won’t leave my house looking like that. And that kids choir? They brought them all the way from NYC? Why? I really didn’t see the point of that whole thing. All in all, pretty disappointing, but I’ll watch again next year.

Comment by Kathy on 2/28/11 at 7:48 am

I watch the pre shows and the after shows. Flip back and forth from other shows.

Comment by Dawn on 2/28/11 at 6:39 pm

I couldn’t agree more.  It was so lame, I had to keep watching just to see if it could get any more sucky.  I am shocked that Franco dude got the gig, he seemed out of it.  The only funny part of the whole thing was when he said he received a text from Charle Sheen.  Hollywood is so out of touch from the rest of the world and I can’t believe people still support their sorry asses.

Comment by Billy on 2/28/11 at 6:48 pm

ilana,

i love these top ten list of yours, hope you don’t mind it, i made mine the top thirteen (ten isn’t enough, 12 seems too much like a dozen~which it is, so i went for thirteen.
here it goes.

my bottom thirteen moments on the 83rd oscar i did not like…

1) anne hathaway and james franco seemed to be playing off of their own personnal jokes laughing with one another by not sharing what was so damn funny.
2) oprah winfrey, who gives a shit!!
3) ten nominees for best picture is way too many, with a cartoon in the mix. six, maybe eight but not ten.
4) why call it the red carpet whenever it is a true fuschia or dark ass pink, not red!!
5) aaron sorkin for writing the line “you go to B.U., you don’t need to study.”, then won.
6) natalie portman’s speech “um, um, ummm, ah um, and um um, ummer um um, um, ummy and one too many ums”
7) robert downey, jr was truly funny.
8) missed patty, the daytime hooker from ‘my name is earl’ (dale dickey) sitting with the ‘winter’s bone’ group.
9) the charley sheen shout out, well worth the smirk!!
10) stars wouldn’t be shining if it weren’t for writers. got to love ‘em writers.
11) looking at jennifer hudson but hearing gwyneth paltrow. what is wrong with that picture?
12) snubbing of ‘waiting for superman’ nomination for best documentary.
13) i picked the wrong day to stop doing drug, maybe they would have eased the pain of the long night.

my top thirteen moments of the 83rd oscars i did like, alot.

1) melissa leo’s speech, fu(kin’ ahh, they do make it look so much more easier than it is on that big stage.
2) jennifer lawrence looked just plain wonderful in her red dress. even in those clips from ‘winter’s bone’. 
3) all seven of anne hathaway dresses and how she looked in each one of them.
4) the guy that said maybe he should have cut his hair, i loved his wild curly unruly hair. (i also love my sons wild curly unruly hair, don’t cut it, please!)
5) sandy bullock looked great, so quick whitted and beauty to boot.
6) randy newman for all these years of songs he has taught us to hum to.
7) david seidler speech for the best original screenplay when he mentioned his age then his hopes those older than him win in the future.
8) natalie portman’s sweetie pie gracefully helping her up the stairs for her win for best actress.
9) tom hopper’s shout out to his mommy, mommies know best!!
10) josh brolin and javier bardem looked like mutt and jeff wearing matching white tux. who passed out the dumb and dumber memo!! i’m sure they both had on matching tees that had “i’m with stupid” printed on them with an arrow pointing upwords.
11) the pre-show tid-bit with the nominees mommies saying the sweetest things about their babies.
12) ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ sung by p.s.22, they are young, worked hard and did a great job!! get over yourself!
13) i didn’t understand the assignmeent. i’m not a drinker so all those oscar drinking games go over my head.

my family of four saw eight of the ten nominees for best picture.
my husband saw 5 out of 10
my son and i saw 4 each out of the 10
my hard working daughter just saw 3 out of 10
we all saw a true mixture of eight movies out of ten. 3 out of 4 of us highly recommend ‘winter’s bone’, truly worth the time to see it twice.
none of us saw ‘the king’s speech’
what do we know??

i’m just sayin’...
(o.m.g.)

Comment by zero milligrams (o.m.g.) on 2/28/11 at 7:26 pm

I loved the guy whose Mom did craft services, ‘maybe I should have got a haircut’

The other thing I loved was that the young lady who played in True Grit was dressed her age and looked spectacular. 

The rest was mostly a waste of time…

Comment by LC on 2/28/11 at 7:32 pm

I totally agree.  I live on the east coast, watched the show for exactly 10 minutes, texted my daughter living in LA saying it was the most boring, painful thing I had ever seen on TV. Then went to watch a nature show on PBS. The time was much better spent

Comment by Barbara Ferne on 3/01/11 at 11:05 am

hey barbara,
i live on the east coast too, with my son in LA.

let’s have ilana be our kids matchmaker!!

i’m just sayin’...
(o.m.g.)

Comment by zero milligrams (o.m.g.) on 3/01/11 at 4:57 pm

The kids choir sounded good, but watching them all trying to act out and be the next American Idol was painful, at best.  At worst it made me want to “Elvis” my television.

Comment by PJR on 3/02/11 at 12:32 pm

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