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Oscars Sucked, Corey Haim Snubbed & No Amount of Booze Could Make it Watchable

by Ilana Angel

February 27, 2011 | 10:32 pm

The 83rd Academy Award Oscar show was painful to watch.  By painful of course I mean I would have rather stuck my hand down my own throat and removed my kidney, than have to sit through one more excruciating minute. Had I been on the east coast, and stayed up until past 11:30 pm to watch it all, I would be pissed off and completely drunk right now.

Here is a list of the top ten things that sucked about this show:

1) Anne Hathaway
2) James Franco
3) James Franco in drag
4) Kids choir
5) lame ass writing
6) ugly dresses
7) the time it wasted out of my life
8) snubbing Corey Haim in memoriam
9) Melissa Leo’s speech
10) not enough booze to make it bearable

Here are the top ten things that did not suck about the show:

1) Bob Hope & Billy Crystal
2) Alec Baldwin
3) Steven Spielberg
4) Colin Firth
5) Sandra Bullock
6) guy whose mom did craft service on his film
7) Randy Newman
8) auto-tune movies into musicals
9) first 2 minutes of Kirk Douglas
10)  airplane vodka bottles found in my freezer

I love movies and I love watching the Academy Awards, but this show made me want to pull my hair out one at a time.  It was a mess, made no sense, was not funny, wasted my time, and was annoying.  If this show had an actor equivalent, it would be Charlie Sheen.  A complete and total train wreck, better caught in clips on YouTube.

If you watched, share your favorite moments, and those that made you want to shove the remote down your throat until you blacked out.  I will watch next year, like always, but hopefully they will learn from this disaster.  All we can do is go to the movies, and keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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