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February 24, 2011 | 8:17 am

Online “Dating” Site Ashley Madison is Disgusting

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Ashley Madison is an online dating service.  By “dating” of course I mean a place where people who are already in relationships, can be douchelords and cheat.  It is literally a place for people to go to seek out affairs.  It might be the most disgusting dating site out there.

I recently read an article about Ashley Madison, written by Sheelah Kolhatkar in Blumberg Businessweek, and I was fascinated.  You can read Sheelah’s article here: “Cheating, Incorporated  Founded in 2001 by Canadian Noel Biderman, this site is a nightmare.  I checked it out and after 5 minutes felt dirty.

They claim to have almost 8 million members, but online tracking sites say it is closer to 700,000.  No surprise that there is some exaggeration as we are dealing with online dating.  If I had a dollar for every time a man told me he was 5’9”, only to be 5’6”, I’d be a millionaire.

The name “Ashley Madison” comes from using two of the most popular names for girls.  Cute.  You can give your company the most adorable name ever, but if it’s a breeding ground for douchelords and whores, the sweet name is not going to make you something you are not.

Biderman says he is founder, but that seems to not jive with partner Darren Morgenstern who says it’s his brainchild.  I’m sure there is some sort of sordid “The Social Network” back story, and once the Oscars are over, Aaron Sorkin should take a look because there is a story to tell.

I was intrigued and decided to take a look.  I registered an account using false information.  The only good thing to came out of my snooping around is that for 48 hours, I was 5’6”, 120 pounds, had long blonde hair, green eyes, lived in New York City, and was married.  Good times.

I filled out the basic information needed to get started and began to look around.  Oh.  My.  God.  Within 10 minutes I was bombarded with messages.  By messages of course I mean men offered to “make me feel like I have never felt in my life, with the light touch only they could give me”.

The most fascinating thing was that half of the men included full frontal naked photos of themselves.  Important to note these were not just Polaroid’s people took for fun.  There were some in positions that clearly required a yoga background, and someone else to take the photo.

Who took these pictures?  If most of the men on this site are in relationships, then did they ask their partners or wives to take the photo?  Are there women out there who feel so safe in their intimate relationships that they can take these types of pictures of their men?

Are they thinking it’s special, meanwhile the men are using the pictures to help them cheat?  Is a woman having sex with her husband and unwillingly helping him get lucky with strangers?  Must be, because I don’t think men invite their buddies over to snap some crotch shots for the Internet.

This site is creepy, and scary.  Sadly a lot of the men are really, really handsome, which makes the whole thing even worse.  It’s really quite disgusting.  Men wrote to tell me that I sounded like a really great lady, which is fascinating because I said nothing about myself.  Nothing.

All I wrote was what I looked like physically.  Oh, and that I was up for ”whatever excites me”.  I guess when you are a pig, cheating on your wife, finding a girl that is up for anything, makes her so different from your spouse, she automatically becomes a “nice girl”.

Ashley Madison’s tag line is, “Life is short, have an affair”.  I find it offensive, but even if the numbers are exaggerated, a lot of people don’t.  Bravo to Biderman for making himself a millionaire by being a pig.  He’s going to hell, but at least he has money to go first class.

It’s all quite sad that there is such a lack of respect for marriage and commitment.  I have never, and would never, cheat on my partner. I have been cheated on and it is crushing.  This site however, is the worse possible cheating because it is calculated and deliberate.

I get that people cheat.  If you meet someone at the office, and things get out of hand, it’s bad.  If you pay money, and time, searching for sex, then it’s a different level of cheating all together.  It’s about deception in a way that is dark, mean, and dangerous.

In a world where sex is available at the click of a button, is a site like Ashley Madison, that is enticing, inspiring and coaxing people to cheat, necessary?  Does someone need to make it easier for people to cheat?  Is there no respect for marriage, monogamy and trust?

My fake profile has been deleted from the Ashley Madison site.  I was sufficiently creeped out, and with time, the layer of dirtiness I feel for ever having gone on it, will wash away.  Ashley Madison is disgusting, but more than that, it’s sad.  How heartbreaking that it exists and is so popular.

I believe in love, monogamy, marriage, and vows.  I believe I will get married again and when I do, my marriage will include just him and I.  I will also be monitoring his computer, checking his phone, and not taking pictures of him naked.  Other than that, I will be keeping the faith.

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I heard about this site a few years ago on Dr. Phil, and recently again I found the article you mention online…I also recently read online about a site for women who are cheating to “share”....meaning discuss the lies they tell, the deceptions they create and in great detail how they are hurting their spouses, children, families, and just reading about the site was enought to turn my stomach…I will say that the one good thing that came out of my ex-husbands affair, is that I can look my children in the eye at some point, and not be ashamed of my conduct in the breakup of our family.  And I think the best comment I ever read about cheating and the effects of it was ” there are many reasons to leave, but not one reason to cheat”...

Comment by tracy on 2/24/11 at 8:34 am

I subscribe to Bloomberg and this article made me sick!  Even my hubby was completely disgusted.

Comment by Robin on 2/24/11 at 8:53 am

Ilana,
Thanks for the post. For starters, let me say, I don’t support, condone, recommend or in any other way suggest that cheating is a good thing.

As for your assertions of the 700k vs. 8 million, you’d find the same thing if you checked out any of the other dating sites. There’s unfortunately a disconnect between registered members, paying members, and active members. Match.com for example has previously advertised that they had over 15 million members, but based on their financials they have less than 1.8 million paid members.

But that’s not as important. The ONLY reason I applaud the efforts of Ashley Madison is that they’re honest and upfront. I’ve seen numbers thrown around in the past that up to 20% of the users on more acceptable dating sites (Match, JDate, etc) might actually be married. Unfortunately, with the exception of eHarmony, I don’t think any of the other sites have a policy about banning people if they’re found to be married.

As a CEO in the industry, I’ve done a ton of research across the board. Ashley Madison isn’t the only one out there, and they haven’t even been at it the longest. They’re just the ones with the slickest marketing and the most well known.

Here’s how we’re going to handle the “married” element on our dating site. 1) Unlike most sites, we’re going to allow users to report those who lie (i.e. height, location, and martial status). 2) Unlike other sites, under relationship type, we’re going to include married as an option. We’re doing this, so no one can have the excuse “I would have put married, but you didn’t have that option.” 3) If Jon goes out on a date with Lauren, and he comes clean that he’s married though his profile says “divorced”, Lauren will be able to report him. If we get a few reports (actual number to be determined) we’ll make him change his marital status or ban him from the site. 4) Finally, our site uses a matching technique that not only allows you to search for the right people, it lets you proactively control who may contact you.

Our intention is to keep the site honest—for whatever it is that you’re looking for.. which will hopefully be unmarried people looking for unmarried people.

Comment by Ross Felix on 2/24/11 at 9:36 am

You seem to want to vent your anger but have no desire to understand the cause…

Comment by Noel on 2/24/11 at 11:18 am

ilana,
some of the nastiest of nasty pandora boxes are meant to be kept closed!! you know those damn cats…
check out how many have tweeted and/or retweeted your entry about ashley madison today.
i’m just sayin’...
(o.m.g.)
how many twits or twats are players plus how many of those turds are playing the game right now, without all the game rules, let alone the right equipment or protection.
nasty but true!!

Comment by zero milligrams (o.m.g.) on 2/24/11 at 7:37 pm

Every girl wants to live better. So why not find a successful guy or a heir with lots of money? Every guy wants a nice wife / partner / mate / even casual date with good looking, so why not eheck my name? Its your best choice!

Comment by Kiss Millionaire on 2/24/11 at 11:37 pm

“I believe I will get married again and when I do, my marriage will include just him and I.  I will also be monitoring his computer, checking his phone, and not taking pictures of him naked.”  So this means no faith in him?

Comment by Hoosier_Vet on 2/25/11 at 12:45 am

I’m sick and tired of all the sanctimonious crap expressed about this.  People are going to have affairs no matter what.  I don’t think “cheating” is necessarily a bad thing.  And I think it’s good that sites like Ashley Madison exist so married people looking for an affair can be honest and not have to hide like on other dating websites.

Comment by Lee on 2/26/11 at 10:10 am

Unfortunately, Ashley Madison are very smart in entering this market, because it simply knew a great way to get people to come to their site. I am pretty sure that in the world of business the founders don’t really care or advocate the business they are in, it’s just a way to get money. They probably knew this would fuel hot debates and conversations amongst people and get their site noticed.
The only ‘real way’ to limit growth in such absurd and ridiculous websites is to stop talking about them altogether.

Comment by Jumpdates on 2/27/11 at 9:10 am

This is an example page. It’s different from a blog post because it will stay in one place and will show up in your site navigation (in most themes). Most people start with an About page that introduces them to potential site visitors. It might say something like this.Hi there! I’m a bike messenger by day, aspiring actor by night, and this is my blog. I live in Los Angeles, have a great dog named Jack, and I like piña coladas.

Comment by monzilla friea on 3/18/11 at 5:49 am

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