May 6, 2010 | 10:43 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I date more than any person I know. I also hate dating more than anyone I know. It is nerve wracking, and stressful. It is also necessary. I would like to be in a relationship very much, and online dating is the easiest way to do it. Not the cheapest way, and certainly not the fastest way, but it is easy, if you are willing to put in the work.
I have had some of the most horrific experiences of my adult life through online dating, and have shared them with you here. Highlights would have to be the guy who got so drunk he threw up on my shoes, or maybe the guy I dated for weeks, until his girlfriend got their joint cell phone bill, and called to see who was getting so many calls from her boyfriends phone.
Who can forget the lovely man who posted his son’s picture online because they looked exactly the same, even though they were 34 years apart? Or the man who was certain he was 5’10”, even without his 5 inch cowboy boots will built-in lifts? Oh yes, I have met some real gems on my journey through online dating.
It’s not just men who make it hard, women can be worse. I hear nightmare stories from men all the time, who talk about women who lie about their age and weight. They post pictures that look nothing like them in real life. I like to think people are not lying to screw us over, but rather are so desperate to find companionship, they bend reality a little to get there.
My hope is that I meet a Jewish man, so I limit my dating to fellow Jews. That’s just my thing. While I could say it’s just a phase I’m going through, and maybe I would date men of other faiths at some point, but the fact is, I have only ever dated Jewish men, and probably always will. Being with someone not Jewish feels like I would be settling.
As someone who writes about being single, and searching for a man, while I raise a boy to be a man, I get asked all the time how I meet all these dates. Well friends, it’s a lot of work. The only way to be successful at online dating, is to check your ego at the keyboard. You have to be willing to open your mind to possibilities, and people, you thought were out of the question.
I have been asked hundreds of times to rate different dating sites, and am finally doing it today. It’s just my opinion, and there is no scientific research to back up my findings, only my experiences. I will be, as I always am, brutally honest. If you’ve had experiences you’d like to share, then please send a comment. To all these companies, I’m just the messenger. The experienced messenger.
Match: This is a good one. There are over 21 millions subscribers, of all religions. They have “winks” where you can let someone know you are interested. I have met some really wonderful men here, and while none have stuck, it’s been good. By good, of course I mean tons of blogs have come out of my time on match.com. The best thing about this site is that there are always new people. You can search twice in one day, and get new people each time. If you are going to date online, this is the site I would recommend.
Plenty of Fish: This one is free, which is great to get started because you can see if you like it before you invest any money. I was on this site for a little while, and was contacted by men, most of whom were not Jewish, though there are a lot of Jews registered. It was very flattering, and I spoke with some lovely men, two of which I set up with friends. In the end I never dated anyone on this site. It might be time for me to give it another shot.
eHarmony: This site did not work for me. They promote an in depth questionnaire, which I found to be lame. It does not matter how many questions they ask, or how deep they are, if someone wants to lie and present themselves a certain way, they will. Men on this site, who were also registered on other sites, and had completely different profiles, contacted me. Lying is rampant so you’ve got to be patient and invest some time. They have the same couples in their commercials, that they have had for years, so how much success are they really having? They don’t allow gay subscribers, which is sad, and telling. I would not recommend this one.
American Jewish Singles: I have never used this site, but I have friends who have. There seems to be more success with my younger friends, than those my age. I have searched it, but not had anyone grab my attention. If you are looking to date someone Jewish, and want to focus on that, this is an alternative to JDate, which is the big Jewish site. This one can’t compare to JDate in its numbers, but it is growing really fast, and is certainly going to give them a run for their money.
JDate: I was a member for a long time, on and off between long term relationships, both of which I met on JDate. When I write about good dates I have with men from JDate, they repost my blog on their site. When I write about a bad JDate date, they complain about my blog. JDate is the largest online dating site for Jews. I only date Jews, yet I’m not a member. I think that says more about them, than me.
Online dating is a necessary evil. Truth is, it’s not evil at all. We live in a time where it’s hard to meet people. I think it’s safer to meet people online, than it is in a bar. It’s all a crapshoot, but without risk, there is no reward. People like to judge those of us who date online. That’s cool. I bet half the people who mock those who do it, have done it themselves.
Don’t be scared. If you go into it with no expectations, it’s a great thing. If you are trying for the first time, join a free site to see if you like it. If you do, then I recommend match.com. Good luck! While there is no guarantee I will meet my beshert online, there is also no guarantee that I won’t. Give it a chance, open your mind, open your heart, and keep the faith.
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