I had a date last night with an interesting man. By interesting, of course I mean that this guy is a gold medal winner for most disgusting date ever. He could write a book on what not to do on a date. It was the type of date that makes you wonder if dating is even worth the trouble.
We met for a drink, and I was happy to see that he not only looked like his online picture, but he was honest about his height and age. He was on time, dressed nicely, had a great smile, and my initial impression was that maybe, just maybe, I would have a good date.
We order drinks, and as he is talking to me about his work, he belched. Not a small little belch, but a real, authentic burp that was loud enough for people to look over. He said nothing, and kept talking as if he had not just had horrible manners. I was in shock and didn’t know how to react.
Cut to a few minutes later, when he does it again. This time I asked if he was okay, and suggested we get him a glass of water, thinking a sip of something flat would help since he was drinking a beer. He stared at me with a look of confusion as if I was the one being rude. I think he was honestly offended.
Over the next 30 minutes, he proceeded to burp about another dozen times. People are now looking and laughing. The waitress is mortified and can’t come to our table without giggling. I want to crawl under the table and slip away, but instead I sit there, being a lady, and knowing this will make the blog.
Just as I think the date cannot get any worse, he farts. Not a subtle little toot, but a full on passing of the wind. I cannot control myself and blurt out “Are you kidding me with the burping and farting?” He tells me that releasing gas is important and he does not like to hold it in. He says people would be happier if they farted and burped more.
Even if you are a firm believer in releasing gas whenever and wherever is needed, how do you not have the manners to say excuse me? You simply must know that not everyone views it as you do, and there is going to be some unfavorable opinions. It’s common sense buddy.
I’m looking at him with a look of complete surprise on my face, and he responds to my expression with, “You look like maybe you need to pass gas. Just fart. You’ll feel better.” He ends his speech giving me permission, by releasing a great big gas bubble in the form of yet another burp. I am now praying I get out without seeing someone I know.
I tell him I had a great time and need to go. He tells me it was great to meet me and he would love to take me out again. I’m thinking not in a million years would I go out with him again, and at the same time I know my teenage son would think this guy was hilarious. I get up and walk out thinking that it may just be impossible for me to have a good date.
Another one bites the dust. I will never understand how he thinks his burping and farting is acceptable on a date. Even more fascinating, is the thought of what he must think is cool in private. I’m giving this guy the gold medal in bad dating. In terms of my next date on coming up on Sunday night, I’m keeping the faith.
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