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Online Dating: Babies, Glass Eyes, Emails & Monogamy

by Ilana Angel

August 12, 2013 | 10:22 am

What is it with men and babies? A man asked me out last week who is 53 years old, divorced, has 4 kids, and would like to have another one. Really? For the love of God, what is this man thinking?  If he had a baby yesterday, he would be 73 years old when the kid graduated high school.  I am 47, my only child is 17, and I am done having babies. A baby now would put me over the edge. Don’t misunderstand, I LOVE babies and wish I could have had more, but having a baby when you are middle aged is simply not appealing.

If he didn’t have any kids I might understand, but with 4 children already, ranging in age from 8-27, I just don’t get it. Being a parent is the greatest joy in life, if you want children, but at what point does having a child not make sense anymore?  Is he trying to recapture his youth?  Reverse the hands of time and be young through his kids?  Does he have something to prove? Perhaps he wants to date a younger woman and thought putting it out there that he wants more kids will make him more attractive?

Mother Nature limits the time women can carry a child, but men can have babies forever.  Just because you can, does not mean you should.  I told the lovely yet delusional man that we were not a match.  I did however accept an invitation to drinks from anther man.  In all of his online pictures he was wearing sunglasses.  Odd to be sure, but I let is pass because he was insanely funny.  I actually asked him about the pictures and he laughed it off saying he never even noticed all the pictures were of him in sunglasses. 

We met for a drink and he was lovely.  Funny, sweet, charming, and sporting a glass eye.  He never told me it was a glass eye and I am not an expert on glass eyes, but I am pretty sure it was in fact a glass eye.  I found it a little distracting and the truth is that if I had a glass eye I would probably not tell someone I was meeting for a drink.  It was just odd.  In the end we had different interests and while kind, he was not for me. It is just a shame that in the end I will remember the eye more than the actual date.

Does that make me a bad person?  I have horrible eyesight and am not really bothered by a glass eye, but it was strange and I felt bad about it.  He had written me the perfect online dating email that was sort and sweet.  I am a fan of the basic email approach, not the long drawn out email.  I got another email this weekend that was at least one full page.  He spoke of his desires and dreams and it was creepy.  I don’t want to know your fantasies and desires when I don’t know who you are.  Who even thinks that is okay?

I read the entire email only because I was fascinated, not because it was interesting.  I wrote him back and said we were not a match, but what I really wanted to tell him is that he is weird and needs to rethink his approach.  I am certain it is the same email he sends to everyone, so maybe some chicks like it?  I would say that those women are also weird.  Online dating is a strange thing.  It is an experiment, a job, a punishment, and a pain in the ass.  It is also a necessary thing in the times we live in.

I had a lovely couple of dates with the Mechanic and thought that might be something.  We met online and he was a breath of fresh air in a cloud of toxic gas.  In the end he was not sure he was looking for monogamy. Really?  We didn’t sleep together of course, and now there is no shot in hell of that ever happening.  I respect his being honest, but he went from delicious to douchebag in one minute. It could be that he knew it was a deal breaker and simply didn’t want to sleep with me, so he used monogamy to get out.

Everyone says that men are simple and if women stop trying to figure them out we would be better off.  I happen to think that men may be simple in some ways, but they are also confused, complicated, and frankly stupid. There is no point in trying to figure them out as it will never happen.  That said, when I meet a man I don’t need to figure out, he will be the one. Women may like to follow the rules, but men like to play games, and they make up their own rules.  The problem is that the rules keep changing.

At the end of the day one must laugh at the whole thing.  If you are going to date online and don’t have a sense of humor about it, you don’t stand a shot in hell of ever finding a keeper.  There are no guarantees in life or love.  Online dating is a crapshoot and so one must be willing to gamble.  I’ve never understood craps and maybe that is my problem.  I keep rolling the dice with no idea of what is a good roll and what is bad.  All I can do is keep trying, keep an open mind, keep laughing, keep focused, and keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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