January 29, 2010 | 6:38 pm

Millionaire Matchmaker: Please Make It Stop

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Last week I blogged about the Millionaire Matchmaker show on Bravo.  I am not a fan of this show, and was not planning to watch it again because it is offensive.  A friend insisted I watch it one more time because she was setting up two young Jewish men.  I watched.  Ouch.

I am sad that this woman is representing matchmaking in such a public way.  I cannot find anything to admire about how she runs her business.  Watching her show is actually painful, and I won’t put myself through such torture ever again.

Some people love the sound of their own voices so much, that when they run out of things to say, they make up words just so they can keep talking.  I would rather stick my hand down my own throat, and remove my kidney, than be set up by this woman.    Millionaires are better off sending their money to Haiti.

She starts off the show talking with Rabbi Shmuley and tells him that her company is not about people dating for money.  Really?  Then why is it called the Millionaire Matchmaker?  Why is she on television?  Andy Cohen, we need to talk.  I love you, but you must make it stop!

She gets a new client with a beard and says from the nose up he’s Jewish, and from the mouth down he’s terrorist.  He likes to paint and so she calls him feminine.  She says he is a man in business but needs to be a man in the bedroom.  She has seen his tape for less than a minute and this is what she has determined.

The next client is an actor who is 5’ 6”.  She says his hands are small and therefore she is worried he is not well endowed.  Oh.  My.  God.  I am amazed that she is on television as an example of what a matchmaker is, and even worse, what a Jewish woman in her 40’s is.

She says there is no way for these clients to get hot girls when they look like they do.  Then why did she take their money?  There is somebody for everyone.  In most cases, there is more than one person.

She tells her clients they are useless and will never meet anyone.  Why would someone pay to be treated so poorly?  She is now going to do a recruiting session with the women for these men.

The first chick is a little Jewish girl who says she fasted for Yom Kipper, which is why she looks emaciated like she just came out of Auschwitz.  This may be the most offensive show on television.  I would rather hang out with Frank the Entertainer in his basement than with the people on this show.  Why are Jewish organizations not fighting to get this show cancelled?

There is one girl who is fresh out of college and she waits tables at The Olive Garden.  Patti tells her the economy is tough and she should marry a millionaire.  Is she kidding? She talks about how her service is not for gold diggers but just advised a girl to marry a millionaire instead of focusing on her professional life. 

The men arrive for the mixer and both think the other is no competition.  She calls one a grandpa and says she would date the other one.  It’s all very sad.  While the actor is a bit over the top, they are two nice Jewish boys and that they felt the need to go on this show is just sad.  Sad for them and sad for us.

Both of the men asked for Jewish women.  Patti says. “I threw in a few shiksas because love knows no religion”.  It is unbearable to watch.  I would cut off my own arm with a butter knife before I watch this show again.  I invite Patti to sit down and debate me.  Come on Sweetie.  Lets you and I sit in a room with a bunch of Jewish singles and discuss dating.  I dare you.

The show is only 34 minutes in and I simply cannot stand to watch one more minute.  She talks about mitzvahs and blessings but sets up Jewish men, who requested Jewish women, with girls who are not Jewish.  I don’t get it.

Patti Stanger needs to wrap up her 15 minutes and this show should be cancelled.  I’m sure looking for love when you are a millionaire has its own set of obstacles and challenges.  When given choices of how to spend your money, use it to fix the world and focus your energy on keeping the faith.