October 3, 2009 | 11:02 am

Love vs. Sex

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Last night a friend told me that I was obsessed with love and my big mistake was putting love as my number one requirement in a relationship.  I’m sure on some level he was kidding but not completely because I really think he believes love is simply a bonus to a great sex life.

A reader of my blog once posed this subject for dialogue:  Do men need to have sex in order to fall in love while women need to fall in love in order to have sex?

My friend puts the same value on sex that I put on love.  He thinks a good sex life is the key to a good relationship so if you have great sex it will lead to great things.  It seems like an odd approach to me but it turns out that a lot of men think the same way.

I believe for women sex is better if we love who we are intimate with and I also think we have different ideas of what intimacy is.  For women holding hands can be intimate and for me one of the most intimate things is when a man places his hand on the small of my back to guide me through a door way.

For a man, letting you spend the night and keep a toothbrush in his bathroom can be intimate.  Now I don’t want to stereotype men because everyone is different and my Beshert certainly will be.  Hang on for a minute while I put my Harlequin away to focus on my writing.

There is something so lovely about the feeling of love.  When I look at a man I can think he is attractive but when I love him he is the most gorgeous man I have ever seen.  He becomes the smartest, funniest man in the world when he is viewed through the eyes of love. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I think sex is important in a relationship and one of the greatest things about being a grown up.  I also think however that a good sex life becomes a fabulous sex life when you are in love with who you are having sex with.  There must be chemistry of course or all bets are off but it can get better and love does that.

For me I’d rather be in love and work on creating a great sex life than have a fabulous sex life and nothing else.  But that’s just me and what do I know?  I spend a lot of time looking forward to meeting a man who makes my heart flutter, trying to remember what sex even is and clearly watching too much Lifetime television for women.

Shabbat Shalom and keep the faith.