This list of Jewish “words” was sent to me by a friend, who received it from her Dad. I don’t know who came up with them, but they are hilarious so I thought I would share. Whoever came up with these gets a round of applause from me. Brilliant.
Jewbilation (n.) Pride in finding out that one’s favorite celebrity is Jewish or that your offspring is marrying a Jewish person
Torahfied (n.) Inability to remember one’s lines when called to read from the Torah at one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah (OR from the Hagadah at Passover)
Matzilation (v.) Smashing a piece of matzoh to bits while trying to butter it
Bubbegum (n.) Candy one’s mother gives to her grandchildren that she never gave to her own children
Chutzpapa (n.) A father who wakes his wife at 4:00 a.m. so she can change the baby’s diaper
Deja Nu (n.) Having the feeling you’ve seen the same exasperated look on your mother’s face, but not knowing exactly when
Disoriyenta (n.) When Aunt Linda gets lost in a department store and strikes up a conversation with everyone she passes
Hebort (v.) To forget the Hebrew one ever learned immediately after one’s Bar or Bat Mitzvah
Jewdo (n.) A traditional form of self-defense based on talking one’s way out of a tight spot
Mamatzah Balls (n.) Matzo balls that are as good as your mother used to make
Meinstein (slang) “My son, the genius!”
Mishpochadots (n.) The assorted lipstick and make-up stains found on one’s face and collar after kissing all one’s aunts and cousins at a reception
Re-shtetlement (n.) Moving from Brooklyn to Boca Raton and finding all your old neighbors live in the same condo building as you
Rosh Hashana-na-na (n.) A rock ‘n roll band from Brooklyn
Yidentify (v.) To be able to determine Jewish origins of celebrities, even though their names might be St. John, Curtis, Davis, or Taylor
Minyastics (n.) Going to incredible lengths and troubles to find a tenth person to complete a Minyan
Feelawful (n.) Indigestion from eating Israeli street food, especially falafel
Dis-kvellified (v.) To drop out of law school, med. school or business school as seen through the eyes of parents, and grandparents. In extreme cases, simply choosing to major in art history when Irv’s son David is majoring in biology is sufficient grounds for dis-kvellification
Impasta (n.) A Jew who starts eating leavened foods before the end of Passover
Kinders Shlep (v.) To transport other kids besides yours in your car
Schmuckluck (n.) Finding out one’s wife became pregnant after one had a vasectomy
Shofarsogut (n.) The relief you feel when, after many attempts, the shofar is finally blown at the end of Yom Kippur
Trayffic Accident (n.) An appetizer one finds out contains pork
I hope you all have a great weekend. It’s been a long week and I am looking forward to a couple of days off. I went to services last night and woke up today with a full heart and a calm soul. Shabbat Shalom. Keep the faith.
*** Addictions are starting to come in! Bravo People!
Yidlock (n.) The traffic jam around the synagogue parking lot at the high holidays
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