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Jake, Vienna, Alli and JDate:  Which One Is Not Full of Crap?

by Ilana Angel

July 6, 2010 | 1:44 am

Jake is full of crap.

I am fascinated by the phenomenon that is The Bachelor/Bachelorette television franchise.  I watch it, I love it, I blog about it, and I still think, after ten years, that it can work.  Not since Trista and Ryan has it had a happy ending, so I’m not sure why I get sucked in season after season.

Jake was the last Bachelor, although I never understood why he was selected.  He is certainly attractive, but he is white toast.  A plain piece of white toast that is clearly not in touch with his sexuality, or his sexual orientation.  I have met Jake, and can honestly say he is boring.

I think Jake went on this show for the sole purpose of getting famous.  He wants to be an actor, who lives in the closet, and he figured this was an easy way.  I feel a little taken advantage of.  I invested my time and romantic heart in his season, only be disappointed in the end.

Jake is not an idiot.  He picked the one girl he thought we all hated, so when he dumped her because his secret boyfriend was getting jealous, we would not care because we hated her.  The problem with his plan is that the audience is not stupid.  Verdict:  Jake is full of crap.

Vienna is the girl that Jake selected and asked to marry him at the end of last season.  I have met Vienna and I think she is a small town girl, who was spoiled by her daddy, and had dreams of changing her life.  She came on the show to escape her reality, and build a new one.

I think that Vienna loved Jake.  I honestly believe her when she says Jake was not into it, and more focused on getting famous, than making their relationship work.  She is just not smart enough to orchestrate such drama.  In the break up interview with Jake, she came out a winner.

Vienna will be fine.  She’ll pose naked, spend time on a pole, then go back to Florida, marry some guy from the swamp that has no television, have a few babies, and watch old DVD’s of her 15 minutes of fame.  She meant well, she wanted to be happy, but in the end, was full of crap.

Alli bailed on Jake and left her chance at love with him to go back to work.  I have met Alli and I can say, without any hesitation, she is a skanky bitch.  I think she is a liar and a fame whore.  She came on the season with Jake, with only one plan, getting to be the Bachelorette.

She lied her way though the season with Jake, and was horrible to Vienna.  Some people think she is America’s Sweetheart.  Really?  If sweetheart means lying skanky whore, then yes, Alli is in fact, America’s Sweetheart.  Perhaps the biggest Sweetheart we have ever known.

I am not watching her season because why would I waste my time watching this woman search for love, when she is so in love with herself, she cannot possibly fall in love with anyone else?  I think Alli is an embarrassment to this show, and to herself.  Is Alli full of crap?  You betcha.

If these people can’t find love, when all the work is done for them, how do normal people find it? I am a hopeless romantic, but even my belief system is tested by this show.  It started out like watching a fairytale, but in the end, perhaps the Bachelor/Bachelorette series is full of crap.

I am searching for love through the online dating service JDate.  This was my first weekend, and it was interesting.  The men I thought were fabulous and wrote to, were not interested in me.  The men who wrote me, were interesting, and by interesting, of course I mean writing me from prison.

I was contacted by men in their 20’s, never going to happen, 30’s, looking to experience a cougar, 40’s, who want to know my favorite sexual position, 50’s, who want to recapture their youth and have a baby, and 60’s, where it might not be working at all anymore.

JDate is not promising that I will find love.  They are not telling me that if I spend $40 a month, I will get married.  All they are doing, is providing me with place to start.  They are saying it’s up to me, and if I try, it can happen.  I suppose that’s all any of us need to get the ball rolling.

In turns out that Jake, Vienna, and Alli are all full of crap.  Additionally, 90% of the men on JDate are full of crap.  JDate is a service that is providing me with exactly what they said they would.  A group of Jewish men, one of which, may be my beshert.

At end of the day, men lie and are full of crap, while women are mean and bitchy.  Is JDate full of crap?  No.  You can hate the player, but not the game.  JDate is the game, and statistically, they do a better job than the Bachelor TV show.  I need to trust them, trust myself, and keep the faith.

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