December 19, 2010 | 11:48 pm

I am Addicted to Angry Birds.  Help Me!

Posted by Ilana Angel

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The Angry Birds

It began innocently enough.  My son asked if he could download the Angry Birds app to my iPhone.  We were waiting at the dentist’s office and he was bored.  Without giving it a second thought I told him to go ahead.  That was the beginning of the end.  My name is Ilana and I am an Angry Birds addict.

It’s sad because I am addicted to something I don’t really understand.  There are birds, that don’t appear to have wings, that are catapulted by slingshots, at an army of pigs.  There are animals exploding, which as a vegetarian, I should find offensive, but I ultimately crave.  It has become a problem.

The pigs have stolen the bird’s eggs, so the birds are angry and want to get the pigs.  By get the pigs, of course I mean disintegrate them.  It is stupid, ridiculous, and more dangerous than crack.  I cannot stop.  I want to play all the time and the worst part is that I totally suck at it.  How is it possible that a game so simple, is proving to be so difficult? How?

Sometimes, when I am at work, I can hear the birds calling me from deep inside my phone.  They beckon me to play.  Seriously.  This game is beyond addictive.  Tried to go cold turkey today.  By cold turkey of course I mean I told myself I would go one day without playing.  Just one day.

Me, a 44 year old intelligent woman, could not go one day without flinging a bird through the air to kill a pig.  Not since my obsession with harvesting my crops on Farmville, have I been so openly willing to waste my time on mindless insanity.  Damn the inventors of the Angry Birds!

I will try to quit again tomorrow.  It’s not going to happen.  Since admission is the first step to recovery, my name is Ilana and I have no plans to seriously stop playing Angry Birds.  I am going to own it, not be ashamed, and focus on getting past level 6 where I’ve been stuck all day.

Lessons learned: 1. When my son asks if he can download an app, the answer is no. 2. You can be a good vegetarian even if you kill innocent birds and pigs, as long as they’re animated. 3: There are worse addictions, so I must focus on getting the eggs back and keeping the faith.