March 25, 2010 | 12:49 am

I am having horrible dates because of Biden, Hitler, Obama & Palin!

Posted by Ilana Angel

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I could be off by one or two, but I believe I have officially gone out on what seems like one million dates.  I am my own millionaire matchmaker.  Unlike a famous Millionaire Matchmaker, you may know from television, I am a great Jewish woman looking for love, not a disgusting skank, who is an embarrassment to women, Jews, and matchmakers everywhere.  I’m just clarifying.

I think dating is really, really hard.  What’s so interesting to me as a dater, is that it really doesn’t need to be.  Dating should be fun.  A first date is full of promise.  If you remove any and all expectations, and go in with nothing but hope, then it should a great thing.  Every love story started off with a first date, so the possibilities should be endless.

While I think dating can be a great thing, I don’t date just to date.  I put myself through this misery because I have hope that one day I will meet someone wonderful.  As my son gets older, and begins to carve out his own life, my desire to share mine, becomes bigger.  I think the best thing I can do for my son, is fill my own life, so I don’t smother his.

The reoccurring theme that seems to be a part of all my dates, is lying.  Why do people lie?  I know women lie too, but I don’t date women, so let’s make this about men.  Men lie, and it’s really frustrating.  Do they not realize that every first date could be with the woman of their dreams, and they could wreck their chances by being a guy who lies?

If someone is willing to lie, then what does that say about them as a human being?  If you say you are single, when you are married, does that make you a pig?  If you say you are 5’ 11”, and are really 5’ 6”, does that make you an idiot?  If you say you are not a smoker, but show up for a date smelling like an ashtray, does that make you a dumbass?

I love men, and have had some wonderful men in my life.  I have loved some really fantastic men, and been loved back by men who were phenomenal.  I have been a terrific girlfriend and a fantastic wife.  I am a caring, supportive, nurturing, and tactile partner.  I am my best self, when in a loving relationship.  Even knowing all that, I am finding it hard to keep trying.

Before I get a ton of emails saying that I don’t need a man in my life to be fulfilled, that is not what I am saying.  I want a man in my life because I want him there, not because I need him there.  There is nothing wrong with a woman saying she wants a man in her life.  I am saying it.  I want one, I need one, I deserve one, and I am going to eventually get one.

Can somebody please explain why it is so hard to meet someone worthy, and why it is so easy to lie to people about things that should never be lied about?  How is it possible that so many people write to let me know they are in the same boat?  If there are so many great people out there, why are we not finding each other?

I’m the first to admit that I’m not perfect.  I’m also not everyone’s cup of tea.  That said, my horrible dating pattern of late, has nothing to do with me.  I’ve been honest and funny, and feel that I have presented myself in a true, and sincere way.  I guess it would be easier if I had someone to blame for my dating misfortune.  Who can I pin this on?

I could blame Hitler.  It is totally possible that had he not killed 6 million Jews, my Beshert might have been the relative of someone who was murdered, and therefore never given the life he deserved to live, or the opportunity to meet me.  It’s Hitler’s fault that I am not in a committed and loving relationship.  Rotten, filthy, disgusting, sickening bastard.

I could blame Sarah Palin.  People like to blame her for everything that is wrong in our country, and since I live here, I could easily blame her for my being alone.  Thanks a lot Sarah.  You are ruining my love life.  I could blame President Obama, and his passing the health care bill.  Damn you Barack!  I could blame Biden for dropping the F-Bomb!  Are you F-ing kidding me Joe?

Rather than blame anyone, I will just take a self-imposed break, and enjoy Pesach with my son.  I’m not going to be sad that I’ve been on a million dates.  Instead, I will be proud of myself that I am making my way through the heap of frogs, and therefore one step closer to my Beshert, with each date.  It will never be time to quit, so taking a moment to regroup, is a good thing.

So there you have it.  We learned a lot through this little blog of mine.  Men are pigs, people lie, Hitler is to blame for my not being married, Sarah Palin is responsible for my bad choices, President Obama is the reason I have not had a good date in almost a year, and Biden has the mouth of a sailor!  My blog went from being funny, to educational, which is cool.

I’m not going to get discouraged.  I am going to enjoy Passover, and hang out with my kid for his spring break.  I am not going to freak out about turning 44 in two weeks.  I will focus on all the blessings in my life, and then come back after the holiday, with a renewed spirit.  I won’t give up.  I shall simply step away, then jump back in, all while keeping the faith.

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