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Keeping the Faith

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October 5, 2010 | 7:07 am

Gay Teen Suicide: Rest in Peace Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy & Seth

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Tall, short, fat, thin, smart, simple, gay or straight, I love my son.  He is the single most important thing in my life and there is nothing I would not do for him, or anything he could do that would make me not love him.  His joy is my joy and his pain is my own.  I cannot imagine what I would do if my child was struggling so hard with life that suicide was the answer.

There have been a series of teen suicides over the past few weeks by children who were gay, and being bullied.  Bullying is heartbreaking and simply unacceptable, on any level, from anyone.  The kids who bullied these young children, along with their parents, have blood on their hands.  They killed these children and should be held accountable.

To every child that is suffering and in pain, you are not alone.  You can get help and I promise you it will get better.  Get help.  You can call The Trevor Project, 24 hours a day, from anywhere in the country, toll free.  They can be reached at 866-4-U-TREVOR.  That’s 866-488-7386.  You can learn about this invaluable organization at The Trevor Project

Bullies are not just children.  Kids learn from their parents.  If parents condone this behavior it will never stop.  The senseless deaths of these children must be a wake up call to this country.  We must make this a country where everyone is treated equal, afforded the same rights, are allowed to marry, and can serve in the military.

My heart is broken for these young men and their families.  I hope their passing will lead to change. Asher Brown and Seth Walsh were 13 years old. Billy Lucas was 15, Tyler Clementi, 18 and Raymond Chase, 19.  Do the people who are blocking gay marriage, and supporting Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, not realize their actions are directly related to the deaths of these children?

You are putting a sign on the back of gay Americans saying, “kick me.”  You are saying they are not equal, do not need to be treated the same, and are therefore setting them up for failure.  How can these children fight back and take pride in who they are, when the government is telling them they are nothing?  It’s time for these children to be given hope.

If my son where to bully another child there would be consequences.  If my son witnessed another child being bullied and did not try to help that child, there would be consequences.  If my son were gay, I would love him, embrace him, and kick the ass of anyone who felt they could make him feel bad about who he is and the way God created him.

It is heartbreaking to me that these children looked to death as an escape from their torment.  No child should ever take his or her own life, and no parent should ever have to bury a child.  There is a great article about the five things you need to know about gay teen suicide at:

5 Things You Need To Know About Gay Teen Suicide

We must remember these children, learn from them, and unite as a nation to help others who are feeling their pain.  God would not want us to judge each other this way.  This is America and we are all equal. Tall, short, fat, thin, smart, simple, gay or straight, we are all the same.  Why must a child die this way?  It is a sad state of affairs when death appears to be the only option.

To the families of these young men, I am sorry for your loss, will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and hope your children have found peace.  To Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy and Seth, I know you are safe, laughing and free.  Know that we love you and your passing will inspire change, and give other children who are in pain the strength to keep the faith.

8 Comments — Leave your comment

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ilana,
i just knew you would have a strong message on this most awful heart wrenching subject for all to read, share and hopefully talk about. i am so glad there are people like you that have a voice/blog that so many can hear/read. pray for hope for all our children.
thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.
i’m just cryin’...
(o.m.g.)

Comment by zero milligrams (o.m.g.) on 10/05/10 at 10:51 am

This situation just breaks my heart.  I was never prouder of my daughters than the day they told me about noticing a new boy at school, who very obviously did not fit in. After they watched him eat his lunch alone for several days they invited him to join their group and eat at their table. The friendship didn’t go much past the lunch group (by his choice), but they made the effort to include him and extend a had of friendship to him. He has gone on and found a group who he has more in common with, but I like to think that their initial invitation was what got him off to a good start at a new school.  It is so tragic that these kids thought that suicide is the only way out that they had.  You’re absolutely right, there is an atmosphere of fear and hatred that has no foundation in fact.  Why can’t we all just get along?  And celebrate the fact that we are all different and unique?

Comment by Kathy on 10/05/10 at 2:04 pm

I have decided to remove all the hateful comments that were posted to this blog.  I wrote this for the boys who took their own lives to escape their pain, and I will not allow religious zealots to take away the importance of this story by spewing their rhetoric.  I send my heartfelt condolences to the families and friends of these young men and thank you all for respecting their pain, and not using this blog as a place to hurt them further.

Thank you.

Comment by Ilana Angel on 10/06/10 at 7:59 pm

Ilana,

I am overwhelmed by the big service you provided to humanity for discussing this great but overlooked problem.  I too am religious, and realize the hypocracy of so many. With the internet, the problem has vastly increased because of the ease of communications, and the growing focus today upon electronic means. We must examine what is, and as you say, especially in today’s age of many obstacles affecting development of young, need to find ways to build self esteem as best as possible.

Not to belittle the point, your comments apply directly to ALL parents (including the so call religious). I remember, and my brother probably doesn’t realize it, when we were young, he was about 15, and gay when that wasn’t even an issue, people didn’t know or focus on it, he tried taking his life by swallowing a bunch of aspirins.  A hospital trip saved him and as a result he has helped many thousands with his activities as a mensch.

He alsways has been very nice to people, has seen most of his friends die of aids, and has himself had it a long time. He held high positions in the hotel and travel industry while assisting many, and now watching his grandchildren, sister, brother and wives grow. Yet he is best remembered by his encouraging words and assistance, but having NO patience for inhuman behavior.

He is now 66 on October 25th and I love him more than ever.  Imagine how these kids would have turned out and contributed had they lived.

Yes Ilana, you are a person of highest standing, a tzadakess, and deserve the best.

G-d Bless You,

Gene

Comment by Dr. Gene Loeb on 10/07/10 at 1:28 pm

Hi
First of all I want to also send my condolences to these families who most be in great pain. Next I want to say that this is an amazing article, very much from the heart. I am lesbian, I know how these kids must have felt throughout their days… We need to embrace those kids and even adults who are going thru very hard times in our country. People need to realize we are all the same, we are all people, we where born the same way, raised the same way, and we are what we are cause we have the ability to love without limits, to love a person of the same sex, or both sexes the same way!  We are not gays, or lesbians or any of those labels people put on us! We are just people! we are kids and adults with the same rights as everyone else! These kids where just an example of the pain we all feel,that pain that needs to end!
Be in peace Asher, Raymond, Tyler, Billy and Seth! You are in my prayers! And thank you for leading the way! You are very loved!

Comment by Carla on 10/09/10 at 7:01 pm

It is hard enough being a child than to have the added stress of dealing with society’s problems. Our children are killing themselves because adults allow it to happen. It is beyond sad that our young ones are feeling so trapped that they must resort to suicide.

No matter what your beliefs are, it is never okay to allow your children to bully a child into believing they are not worthy to live. We are all human beings with valuable lives.  Adults need to be that positive change.

For everyone who has tried to commit suicide because they felt they did not belong, I hope someone takes the time to remind them that they are loved.

Comment by Houston Divorce Lawyer on 10/11/10 at 3:08 pm

I just want to say that I understand how all of you guys must feel no body should be treated and pushed to the point of death. This world is cruel in more than just one way and its not even the world it’s the people in it. Everyone just needs to stop in realize that the only reason the words Gay and Lesbian exist is because someone made it up. I think that it is not your fault who you love and I don’t believe that you should try and force yourself to love who you don’t just because other people care about it. You need to live your life and just remember that we are all children of god and he will love us no matter what we do. I have friends that love the same sex and I still care about them just as much as I do myself.

Comment by Heather on 10/19/10 at 5:42 pm

i feel like that shouldne have killed their selves shit im gay and iom proud of it ; feel liek ppl in this world doesnt like our kind and from that day ive been wearing purple ! i thikk thee ppl that did this is something fucking dumbass just because the boys was happy the way they is ppl qotta put it out there knowning it aint none of they bisness qettin mad because the boy didnt want you ; the ppl that told their biss and made them to this point is probbly suffereing or turning that way also ! that you i rest my cast !

Comment by rudeelovee on 11/05/10 at 10:17 am

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