September 13, 2010 | 11:48 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Whenever I write a blog about a bad date, I get emails from readers telling me I am fabulous and as soon as I stop looking I will meet the man of my dreams. First of all, I love my readers and appreciate you all for following my blog and giving me encouragement. It is from a place of love and respect that I feel comfortable telling you that I simply do not agree.
To be clear, I agree with the part about me being fabulous, I don’t agree however, with the stop looking part. I have come to “know” a lot of my readers. You read every day, comment often, and share your stories and wisdom. While we have never met, you are an important part of my search for love and I value your input and opinions very, very much.
I have a very full life. I work, raise my son, have friends and family, along with writing every day for The Jewish Journal. I am rarely alone which is lovely, but the older I get, and more importantly the older my child gets, the more I realize that I am lonely. I do not want to spend the second half of my life without a partner. Don’t want to, shouldn’t have to, and won’t.
So I search for love. I go online, I get set up, and I troll around Whole Foods. Whatever it takes. Although it sometimes feels like it, and my blog would occasionally imply it, searching for love is not my full time job. It is however a part of my life now, and will continue to be until I find the man I am looking for. To stop looking just does not make sense. Why give up on something that is so important to me?
I never understood the idea that if you stop looking it will find you. When you need a certain ingredient for a recipe and your market does not have it, do you abandon your plans to cook? Do you buy an ingredient that is close to what you need and fake it? Or do you keep looking, keeping the missing ingredient in the back of your mind, knowing one day you will find it?
I won’t stop looking. If people who were searching for things stopped looking, where would the world be? I don’t need to be with a man to feel happy or complete. I want to be with a man. I want a relationship. I want a witness to my life. I want to hold someone when I sleep. I want someone to tell me he loves me. I want him and will only stop looking when I find him.
I get discouraged, frustrated, bored, and occasionally bitter. Sometimes I lose my patience, my will, my interest and my focus. What I never lose however, is my faith. I have faith in myself that I will not let the dream go, and faith in him that he will keep looking for me. There is nothing that will change my faith in love and belief that my Beshert is out there for me.
I am a hopeless romantic. Some people think I’m silly and unrealistic in my views about love. It’s okay. I believe the love I am looking for can be found. If you have ever read a love letter from Ronald Reagan to his beloved Nancy, then you know it is real and available to anyone who believes. I love how he loved her and know that one day I will have that too.
I love writing this blog and I love getting comments from readers. You make me laugh, cry, think and scream. While my search for love is certainly personal, it is not private. You are all on the journey with me and for that I will be forever grateful. Thank you for holding my hand, giving me a nudge when I slow down, and embracing my goal of always keeping the faith.
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