October 2, 2010 | 7:26 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I woke up with a fever, aching body, and an insane amount of sneezing. It came out of nowhere and I’m hoping it will pass just as quickly. I never get sick. I mean I get sick of course, but not that often. I simply won’t allow it. It’s hellish when a single mom is sick.
I have no energy and cannot get comfortable. I want some tea but don’t want to make it. I want some soup but can’t imagine it will taste good. I want someone to take care of me but am alone, laying in bed, grateful my son is out with his friends, and sad I am alone.
I never feel sorry for myself. I feel blessed to live the life I do. I am happy every day I am able to be the mother to my delicious child. I love my home, my friends, my family and my work. It’s on the rare occasion that I get sick, when I feel sorry for myself.
I like being alone. I like to read, enjoy the quiet, meditate and walk. Being alone allows me to clear my head, connect with myself and with God. It is when I am sick, that I clearly distinguish the difference between being alone and being lonely. When you are alone and sick, it’s quite lonely.
I don’t ever want my son to feel like he needs to take care of me. It is my job, and profound pleasure to take care of him. I love it when my mother takes care of me. Even as an adult just being near her makes me feel better. I hope my son feels that way about me too.
I would love to have a significant other and have him walk into my room right now with a cup of tea. I would also like him to look like George Clooney. My head is getting foggy. I’m not well. I’m going to medicate, try to sleep, and pray I wake up feeling better.
I hope I am back to my healthy self tomorrow. I want to wake up with a clear mind that allows me to embrace being alone and not feeling lonely. Being sick sucks. Luckily feeling better does not require a boyfriend, only the ability to keep the faith.
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