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Jewish Journal

Exhaustion Sets In

by Ilana Angel

June 5, 2012 | 10:13 pm

I am officially exhausted.  I actually fell asleep today at the dentist.  I was sitting in the waiting room, wondering why my dentist does not serve cocktails, and I dozed off.  The hygienist who was going to clean my teeth had to give me a shake because I was out.  I have been this tired since my son was a baby and I wanted to stare at him instead of sleep.

I remember when my son was little, I was working full time, on my own, getting virtually no sleep, and spent a lot of my time crying because I was so tired.  As I drove home from the dentist today I started to cry.  I was so tired I was not sure I even remembered how to drive so I pulled over and started bawling.  It would have been funny if not so sad.

I am a single mom who works full time and writes on top of that.  I am also a friend, girlfriend, daughter, and sister.  I do it all, do it well, and try not to complain because in the big scheme of things I am blessed.  That said, I am very, very tired.  I would love to take a couple of days off to stay in bed but I simply do not have the time.  No time to rest is pathetic.

Exhaustion is not a good thing and I find myself feeling a little sorry for myself.  I looked at my laundry today and started to cry, wondering how it was possible that a house with only two people in it had so much laundry.  I looked at the dishwasher and the thought of emptying it made me cry so I considered serving my son dinner over the sink with no plate.

It’s one of those days where I should hide from the world because my exhaustion could cause me to snap.  I need to crawl under the covers and sleep, knowing that tomorrow will be better.  The thing is I need to pick up my son, make him dinner, write a column, post a blog, and work on a project for one of my clients.  I will not get sleep in the near future.

Have you ever been so tired that you can’t sleep? I am exhausted, yet I sat in bed last night unable to sleep.  My mind was spinning about a million things yet I could not focus on anything.  I need a vacation and the word vacation is up for interpretation.  A night at the Four Seasons with room service would be a glorious vacation right now.  Just one night would do it.

There is no guarantee I would sleep at the Four Seasons but I’m thinking being awake there probably has some relaxation value.  I am now delirious with fatigue and not sure what I am writing so I better go.  I hope you all sleep well.  As for me I’d be happy with an hour.  By hour of course I mean 8 hours.  Not going to happen but I’m keeping the faith.

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