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Jewish Journal

Desperate Housewives

by Ilana Angel

February 1, 2010 | 2:04 pm

When I was a little girl I wanted to grow up to be a housewife.  I still aspire to be a housewife.  I like being in a relationship and having the type of partnership that comes with the commitment of marriage.  What I am discovering is that many of the married people I know are not happy, as much as they are comfortable.

I was only married for 5 years, 13 years ago, so I am not an expert on marriage.  What I know is that the things I think are so great about being married, are things that it turns out some married people don’t have.  So many women say they want to marry their best friend, which sounds like the perfect situation, but is it really?

I’m not sure I want to be married to my best friend.  I know I don’t want to have sex with my best friend.  I am a better girlfriend, wife and lover because I have my best friend to help me navigate through life, and put my best foot forward in terms of my relationship.  I can run things by her and she gives me a clear perspective.

My single friends have more sex than my married friends.  Granted schedules are busy when you are married and managing a home, work, children and several lives under one roof.  That said,  a lot of my single friends are divorced, with children, and have the same challenges as married couples, but are having more sex than their married counterparts.

When couples lives become more routine than spontaneous, is that when the relationship transforms from one thing into another?  Can you really have great sex with your best friend?  Is it unnatural to think that humans can be monogamous?  Can you be married to your best friend, have a comfortable life, and still be sexually stimulated by that person?

Are housewives desperate?  For love?  Attention? Sex?  Do wives take their husbands for granted? As I search for love, I look at the relationships of people in my life, and I can’t help but feel a little sad.  I have friends who are in truly unfulfilling marriages, but don’t seem to care that much.  Is that what happens over time?

I want what they have, yet they don’t seem to take particularly good care of the lives they have built.  Is it better to be alone and searching for something fabulous, or to settle for something really good, and just be okay with it?

I have friends who are married and their life is fabulous on a lot of levels.  Sex seems to be the one aspect that is lacking.  Can anyone have a complete marriage that includes love, respect, sex and friendship?

I have been pre-dating a man for a little over a week and I keep postponing our meeting.  I like him.  He makes me laugh and challenges me.  I am enjoying talking to him.  I just don’t know if I am willing to risk having the bubble burst.  He could not be attracted to me, or could decide I am not what he thought I was, or vice versa.

There are a dozen things that could go wrong.  I have had a series of bad dates and it has shaken me up.  I am certain of what I want, but yet wary it can be found. This morning it is difficult for me to differentiate between expectation and hope.  Dating is hard, but perhaps better than marriage.

I will speak with this new man several times during the course of the day.  I will spend time looking forward to meeting, then sabotaging the meeting.  If you are in love, feel gratitude for the gift.  For those looking, our time will come, and it will come faster if we get out of our own way.  We must all keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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