February 6, 2010 | 2:52 pm

Dating Experts

Posted by Ilana Angel

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What makes someone an expert?  I have been on a lot of dates, so does that make me a dating expert?  I have been married so does that qualify me to write a book about how to get married?  When did simply having an opinion on a subject, automatically make you an expert?

I am single.  I have a blessed and full life and am rarely alone, unless I choose to be.  I am however, on occasion, rather lonely.  I would really enjoy having a man to share certain aspects of my life with.  With that desire comes an underlying fear that maybe it just won’t happen for me.

There are millions of women in America looking for love.  As one of those women, I believe there are two types of single people.  Those who search for love driven by hope, and those who are lead by fear. I am a true romantic, and very fortunate that my pursuit of love is hopeful, not fearful.

I think people who write books about dating and love are, for the most part, trying to help people.  There are a few however, who realize that with the loss of hope, comes fear, and that fear will lead someone to the self-help aisle of Barnes and Noble.  When you attempt to make money off of the insecurities of good people, I think it is sad.

I am wary of a 40 something woman, who has never been married, writing a book about searching for love, and ultimately advising women to settle in order to get married.  It makes no sense to me that this books like this are even published.  I worry for the people who are getting sucked into the hype, and by hype, of course I mean crap.

I am also untrusting of “dating experts” who think they can tell me how to date.  If you are telling someone to change what they are doing, is the implication that they are then being asked to not be themselves?  If I attract someone while doing what someone told me to do, isn’t that a recipe for disaster down the road?  Am I not better off being real and attracting a person who sees my authentic self?

People are getting rich and having their 15 minutes of fame because they prey on those who are living in fear.  They say that those who can’t, teach.  I think the more appropriate view, is that those who can, teach, and those who can’t, should stop teaching.

Have a wonderful weekend.  Go Saints! Shabbat Shalom.  Be brave, believe in yourselves, don’t be guided by fear, let hope lead you, and remember to keep the faith.