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Dating 101 – The Deal Breakers

by Ilana Angel

August 25, 2013 | 2:21 pm

Last night I threw a drink in the face of my date.  It was shocking to him and me both. I did not plan it, enjoy it, or feel any sense of accomplishment in my actions.  It happened. I regret it. It was disrespectful to the man I was with, and while I believe it was justified, it was not polite, kind, or appropriate.  Well, it was appropriate, but not kind.

We all have deal breakers when it comes to dating.  It changes for everyone as what may be important to one, will not matter to the other.  I have deal breakers, but would be hard pressed to come up with a list written in stone.  For example, I would not date a smoker. I used to be a smoker however, so if someone were trying to quit, I would be open because I quit myself.

I have dated men who are tall, short, large, small, educated, and street smart.  I have dated men who are lovely, and men who are not. Now schmucks seem to be my specialty, but even when in a relationship with a schmuck, there have been moments so wonderful, I have been able to overlook the profound level to which they are an asshole.  It’s a gift.

Sadly, there are many women with this gift.  The innate ability to allow your heart to override your brain, therefore staying in a relationship with a schmuck when you know you should run.  I have had this gift for a very long time. My entire adult life actually. I like to think I learn from each loser, but I don’t.  My romantic heart is fooled more often than not.

My heart is loving, giving, compassionate, and kind. My heart rules my romantic life, and also my real life, so I cannot try to change her, as it would change who I am as a human being.  That said, she needs to wise up a little. Last night she took a giant leap forward in her journey to get some clarity, for at the first sight of a freak, she did right by me, and we ran.

My dated lasted about 15 minutes.  That is how long it took for this man to offend me in such a way that left me gasping for air, frightened, and so desperate to leave that I threw a drink at him in order to shock him and delay his reaction long enough to get the hell out of there. I cried the entire drive home, and took an hour to drive 10 minutes incase he was following.

It sounds very dramatic, but the truth is it may have been dramatic only for me as I am not sure another woman would have reacted in the same way.  I won’t repeat what was said, but it was a deal breaker for me.  I take comfort in knowing that at the first sign of his being an ass, I walked away without lingering. A small step, but still a massive victory.

Turns out that when it comes to deal breakers I do have a list carved in stone. I will not tolerate a man who speaks about violence towards women or children.  I am not interested in jokes, opinions, or thoughts that in any way condone violence towards a woman or a child.  I also do not appreciate or put any entertainment value on jokes about Hitler or the Holocaust.

It got me to thinking about love and dating, hope and fear.  My initial reaction last night was that I will never go another date.  I have been blessed to know love, and the joy of having and raising a child, so it would not be unreasonable to think my blessings have already happened in the love department, and my focus should be on enjoying what I have.

Last night I came home broken.  I was mortified by my date and struggled to shake it off.  I ended up speaking late into the night with a new friend and I went to bed feeling better. It turns out that assholes are not that smart and show their true colors rather quickly.  It is our job as women to pay attention. If we take a deep breath we can detect schmucks a mile away.

I am feeling blessed that my new friend unknowingly eased my sorrow and allowed me to get a good night sleep. I woke up feeling better.  My son returned from sleeping at a friend’s house and we spent the morning together. He is an angel and I love him.  He reminds me who I am, what I deserve, and that I will one day have it all if I keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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