June 19, 2013 | 5:12 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Flirting is one of the few things about being single that is fun. I love to flirt, and the truth is that when it comes to the art of flirtatious banter, I am an expert. Sexual banter? Again, an expert. Knowing the perfect time to twirl my hair, laugh, bat my eyelashes, and offer the right amount of chutzpah with simultaneous blushing, again, I am an expert.
I love to flirt. It makes me feel young and girlish and when a man knows how to flirt back, well that is perfection. Flirtation is a dance that comes easily and naturally in the beginning of a relationship, and though it takes a little work to keep it going once a relationship is in full swing, it never stops being fun. Unless you are dealing with a dumbass of course.
Today I was driving home from work and when I stopped at a red light, I looked around, as I always do, and saw the man stopped next to me was looking at me. He smiled, the light turned green, and so I went ahead. We were stopped next to each other a couple of lights ahead, and again he was looking at me, this time with a big smile and an open window.
I smiled at him, ignored the open window and looked ahead. He honked, so I looked over and he made a gesture asking me to open my window. He looked harmless, and I figured it was sweet of him to make the effort, so I opened my window. He said hello, I said hello, he told me I had beautiful hair, I thanked him, he asked if I was married, I said no, light turned green.
We drove on and I smiled because it was cute and rather charming. He pulled up next to me and asked for my name. I was now waiting to get onto the freeway and cursing the fact that 4 out of 5 lights on Franklin had all gone red as I made my way to the 101 Freeway. I turned to him and told him I had a boyfriend, but thanked him for being sweet.
He then proceeded to ask if my boyfriend satisfied me, and offered a list of things that he could do to me. My jaw dropped open, I’m sure I turned bright red, and I was speechless. I was so shocked by how vulgar he was that I couldn’t even close my window. I also had a brief moment when I thought if I actually did have a boyfriend, I would take notes.
Flirting is a great thing, being vulgar and aggressive is not. There was no need for it, and frankly it hurt my feelings because I was trying to be nice to a complete stranger as I thought his gesture was sweet, and in return he was a pig. By pig of course I mean he should be arrested as he is a deviant and quite scary. Still, I should have taken a couple of notes.
I am dating and it has been going okay. There is one man in particular that I am smitten with and so I’m laying low to see if there is anything there. What happened today has actually set me back because I was doing well, and now feel a little violated. You just never know who people are, and so rather than rocking my flirtatious self, I am now spooked and scared.
It only takes one schmuck to set a girl back, and if I am going to let a man set me back, it is certainly not going to be this douchebag. To the man who decided to ruin my day, I can only assume that the reason you approach women this way because of your freakishly small penis, which is hidden inside your car. You are a pig, and I wasted my kindness and decency on you.
Flirting is an art, and detecting a douchebag is a gift. I love to flirt and it has been a long time since I did, so it is truly a great thing to meet someone that makes me flutter and want to flirt. The lesson leaned today is that flirting while driving is not necessary. I am going to look ahead, mind my business, ignore the horns, and keep the faith.
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