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Jewish Journal

Dating 101:  Sexual Advances, Ex Pics & Online Profiles

by Ilana Angel

September 19, 2013 | 9:44 am

I am not dating online as much as I am spending a few minutes each day writing men that I would never go out with, to tell them I appreciate their interest, but we are not a match.  I wish them good luck with their search and while it is disheartening, I write back to all who contact me because I think it is important to be supportive of the process. I truly do appreciate when someone is brave enough to reach out.

I often wonder why the hell am I dating online, and when I think I cannot possibly stand it for one more minute, I am either so disgusted I get a good column out of it, or on very rare occasions I meet someone lovely who restores my faith.  I chatted with a sweet man the other day. He was funny, understood and appreciated sarcasm, had a Jewish sensibility, and we had great banter.  Then I met another man.

This new man made me want to impale myself.  After our exchange I actually prayed chicks would do it for me because men are just not happening.  This man wrote to say hello and ask me out for a drink. Important to note that his main profile picture is of him next to a blond woman who he has taken a marker to and blacked out her face.  Not in an artful way to protect privacy, but more of an angry slasher way.

What was more surprising than his obvious anger, was the picture caption, “the Ex”. This man wants me to believe the only picture he had of himself was with his ex?  By only picture of course I mean he has four pictures on his profile and three of them are with the blonde ex.  When I asked him about it he said she was a bitch and I needed to focus on how handsome he was and not his ex, who again, was a bitch.

I thanked him for writing and wished him well. I was clearly dismissive and assumed he would move on.  He then sent me an instant message that read, “I am having a sexual fantasy about you. How about drinks?”  For the love of God.  How is it even possible that this man was able to leap from my blowing him off to this message? I did not respond and blocked him from contacting me. I have to laugh about this right?

I date online because I am serious about meeting someone to share my life with and I figure it is as good a way as any other.  I understand that not everyone is serious, and perhaps this man thought he was being funny, but some days it feels like I am wasting my time.  He was not funny, and I don’t get why it has to be so hard. Perhaps online dating sites need to add a few options to the profile questionnaires we fill out.

In what people are looking for, why don’t they add “JUST SEX” as an option? There are plenty of people looking for just sex and it would simplify things. We know someone’s religious observance, but how about an option to clarify a personality?  For example: 1) Douchelord 2) Mensch 3) Asshole 4) Schmck 5) Harmless.  I know for a fact those options would help my search process, and suggest exes actually answer that one.

There should be a filter that does not allow pictures with an ex, no pictures in matching outfits with your pets, and no pictures that are over 10 years old.  By 10 years of course I mean 1 year.  It is not brain surgery, it is a leap of faith, and while I appreciate people lie when dating online, I have hit a wall and something has got to give. People lie all the time when it comes to dating so why expect this to be different?

I like to think people are inherently kind and only lie because they are lonely, not because they are trying to deceive. I hope men who pull the sex card do it because they think they think it is funny, not because they are perverts and deviants. I pray I am not wasting my time and if I am patient, I will eventually meet a nice man to share my life with.  It will happen, and we may meet online, so I keep trying.

The chances of my ever being able to detect an asshole are slim I suppose. If I were going to learn that lesson I would have learned it already. The good news is that I am hopeful and still able to view online dating with kindness.  Some days are a little harder to deal with, and the occasional cloud of bitterness appears, but overall I am kind, hopeful, and able to laugh. Love is worth it so I am keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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