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Jewish Journal

Dating 101: Profiles, Sex, Working Out & Cat Allergies

by Ilana Angel

July 17, 2014 | 7:29 pm

I am fascinated by the world of online dating. I still believe you can find love this way, or at the very least meet some interesting and fun people, and so I continue on the journey. Some days it is an awesome trip, and others I feel like I am being dragged through the gutter by a giant rat. Either way it all gets me one step closer to understanding myself, and hopefully finding someone special to love and share my life with.

Make no mistake about online dating, it is a lot of work. It is very time consuming to search through profiles, answer emails, try to be kind to those you are not interested in, brave with those you are interested in, and get through it all with a sense of humor and no trip to the animal shelter. There are dates that restore my faith in love, and others that leave me certain I will die alone with 18 cats. It is truly fascinating.

I am discovering a lot about men who date online. I am amazed by how many men want me to know they work out and are active. How many don’t want any drama in their lives. How many like to travel to Paris on a first date. How many like to cuddle on the couch, but are not couch potatoes. How many are sexual after 50. How many love animals but are deathly allergic to cats. How many are spiritual but not religious.

It turns out men of a certain age, 48-58, like to cook, post more pictures of their dogs then themselves, don’t mention they’re in a wheelchair, or don’t feel it is important to talk about how their ex-wives aren’t officially exes and still living in their homes. I am intrigued by those who try to come up with clever online dating names, and those who just don’t seem to understand the power a good online dating picture has.

I don’t want to tell people how to present themselves, but it would be unkind to not help if I can right? I don’t speak for all women of course, and this is just my opinion, but I came across a few men this week that I really think need some help. One could argue they’re doing well and their approach is working, but they’re still online trying to meet women and date, so maybe my two cents will be welcomed.

Important to note that my goal is not to be critical, simply help out those who are on the same path as me. So, when it comes to online dating names, I don’t think men, or women for that matter, should use the number 69 for their profile. Even if you were born in 1969, don’t do it. “I love the number 69, do you?” is not cute, coy, or funny. There is never a valid reason to talk about the 69 position in your profile.

It is in fact rather unappealing. If you were born in 1969, we will figure it out all by ourselves by how old you are. There are a lot of 69’s online and one in particular looks more like he was born in 1869. Bless him. If you are a sexual man, just say it. Write in your profile that you like sex and are a fan of the position, do not put it in your name and reference it like some kind of inside joke only sexual people get.

We get it and you are lame. Sorry, but you are. There are women that like a man who is not afraid of his sexuality, and so be brave not ridiculous. Speaking of sex, don’t put that in your name either. If you are introducing yourself to a woman as SexyBeast, SexualBeast, SexSlave, WantUNow, DoMe or any other use of sex, sexy, or slave, it is more off putting than interesting. Rethink it gentlemen.

I’d also like to talk about pictures if I may. I was written to this week by a man who is 49 years old and uses a picture of himself standing behind a woman with both his hands cupping her boobs. The photo was captioned, “New Year’s Eve with my sister.” Really? A picture of a grown man fondling his sister is supposed to get me interested? I do not understand how that picture is anything other than disturbing.

I often click on amazing pictures of fabulous dogs because they are super cute and beg to be looked at. I then realize the dog is the cutest thing about the man who owns him. One man has a gorgeous Chow and wrote, “I only have room for one bitch in my life and I got her fixed so she wouldn’t bring in anymore.” Really? Perhaps it was an attempt at humor, but it was an epic fail. Humor can be lost in translation online.

All I’m saying is that there are a lot of people online who are really trying. They are investing time, energy, faith, and hope into meeting someone and these things are ultimately discouraging. If you want to play around and try your new comedy bit, maybe an open mic night would be a better way to go in terms of your dating life. Important to note it is not just men either. Women are just as odd while dating online.

I have seen women post pictures that are old and somewhat blurry. I have a friend who posted a bikini shot of herself that is spectacular. Only problem is that it was taken 2 husbands and 2 kids ago. I have another friend who has a cat she loves like a child, yet does not mention the cat because she doesn’t want to risk losing out on someone great because of an allergy that Benadryl can take of in a heartbeat.

Maybe it is loneliness, fear of being alone, insecurity, or the desire to get a few more notches on a belt that makes people behave so crazy online. It is harder to lie about these things in person, but I suppose people lie about other things in person. If people are inherently good, and in looking for love feel the need to stretch the truth, or suspend it on occasion, can we fault them? I’d like to think no, but I do.

I am honest in my online dating profile. None of my picture are more than 6 months old, and I have both headshots and body shots. I am who I am, look like I do, and the hope is that there is a person who is looking for me too. I’m sure there is and so I keep trying. When I come across a cute dog, or a fan of the 69 position, I just have to remind myself that each pass gets me closer to a catch so I’m keeping the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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