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Dating 101: Liars & Bartenders

by Ilana Angel

April 27, 2014 | 10:35 pm

I had an interesting week of dating. I met a man for lunch who was unaware of his height, age, or marital status. He was 3 inches shorter than his profile stated, 6 years older, and he is separated not divorced. What is the point of lying if you may actually meet in person one day?

I like to think people are inherently kind and lie because they are lonely, but in the end some people lie because they are liars. There is a big difference between being in your mid 50’s and over 60. If I am 5’4” and you say you're 5’ 9”, but are really 5’ 6”, with heals I am taller than you.

Lying about age is common and comes from a desire to expand your options in terms of who is searching for you, so I can understand that one. Lying about your height is just silly. Adding an inch I guess wouldn’t be bad, but three inches is a blatant lie and you look like an idiot.

When it comes to your marital status however, I just can’t. Don’t say you are divorced if you are separated. It is deceitful. If you are separated and waiting for your divorce to be final, just say so. There are many women who will date someone who is separated. I don’t happen to be one.

Dating is driving me to drink. On my date with the liar, I arrived and told the bartender I was meeting a blind date and for him to keep an eye on me. I always do that and it makes me feel better. The bartender was handsome, had impossibly white teeth, and a lot of tattoos.

He checked in, even winked at me from across the bar as I listened to lies. When liar went to the bathroom, the bartender came over to ask how it was going. I told him he had lied and I was wrapping it up. He then told me when he was off and to come back for a drink.

Without thinking about it, I said I would. I tend to think too much about dating so in an attempt to be brave I made plans to meet the bartender for a drink after his shift. It was rather liberating. I told the liar we were not a match and headed home with plans to return.

The bartender it turns out is really great. He is divorced with a three year old son, has a lot of tattoos, including a Star of David, perfect teeth, and an easy smile, which made me flutter a little bit. He was attentive, smart, funny, charming, and very bad boy sexy.  We had a great time.

The good thing is that he thought I was 38. The bad thing is that he is 38. At 48 years old and with my son a senior in high school, I don’t want to start over with a young child, and at 38 he may want more children. I am looking for a relationship and so I factor these things into my choices.

The bartender said I must stop thinking and go on a proper date before I say I’m not interested in anything. I laughed as he figured me out pretty quick. Then he walked me to my car and gave me a kiss that caught my breath. He told me to think about having a real date.

I will say it has been a while since I got a kiss like that and the truth is every woman should get a kiss like that. It was perfection. At the end of the day however, I want a partner not a date, and God willing when I find him he will be as good of a kisser as the bartender.

It was a bad date with the liar, a quick date with the bartender, and I won’t go out with either one again. I am clear on what I want and don’t need to waste anyone’s time. I find myself thinking about Coach, which I often do. Part of me thinks he is the one who got away.

He did not get way as much as we walked away, but still, I think of him often. I suppose it is normal to think about past relationships when searching for a new one, and in the end you are reminded of what works for you and what you are willing to work on.

I will keep dating because I believe in love. I woke up today determined to stay positive and not give up. I updated my online dating profile, uploaded new pictures, and will avoid all animal shelters after a bad date. Life is a blessing, love is grand, and I continue to keep the faith.

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