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Jewish Journal

Dating 101: JDate

by Ilana Angel

May 19, 2013 | 5:43 pm

My last three long-term relationships were all with men I met on JDate.  I only date Jewish men and so it makes sense that JDate would be my online dating site of choice.  By choice of course I mean it is a necessary evil in the day and age we live in.  JDate works if you are willing to take your time, not get discouraged, and remember that is its not JDate that works, it is you.

I would never have met these men where it not for JDate and I am grateful for that.  The relationships ending had nothing to do with JDate and so my bad feelings towards JDate are not for the service they provide, but for the services they do not provide. JDate cares about money and money is important, but without customers they make no money, so we should matter.

I’m not a programmer and know nothing about how dating sites work, but if we live in a world where a man can walk on the moon and Kim Kardashian can become a millionaire for being a whore, then can’t JDate find a way to make their customers more important than money? It’s not brain surgery, it’s dating. We are paying to be there, so why not make it the best it can be?

JDate is a place for Jews to meet Jews, or those who are not Jewish but want to date Jews, can meet Jews.  No matter how you describe it, JDate is for Jews.  In reading one of their “Success Stories”, they felt the need to explain what aliyah was.  Really?  Jews know what aliyah is, and it is a site created for Jews, so why insult our Jewish intelligence with this crap?

I received an email this week on JDate by a man who has the exact same pictures posted that he had 10 years ago. Ten years.  Would it be that hard for JDate to require their members to post current pictures?  If they can see a picture has not been uploaded in ten years can’t they tell that member to supply a recent photo?  All it does it help those who are serious.

People lie when dating online.  It is typical, expected, entertaining, silly, fascinating, sad, and at the end of the day, not the end of the world.  It’s just dating.  If you meet someone based on certain things they say, and they are something else, don’t date them again.  There are always risks involved in dating, even with people who are honest with you.  It is a crapshoot.

I’m not expecting JDate to investigate every person who joins, just to help out in the most basic of ways.  People will continue to lie because is the nature of the beast.  People are lonely and desperate, but also hopeful and excited to meet someone new, so we all get it that there may be a stretching of the truth.  It is human nature to want people to like you.

JDate needs to be a little more mensch, and a little less bitch.  They need to remember that we are, for the most part, Jewish people, and there is a certain level of decency that we require from other members of the tribe. We will happily pay for their service, but we want to feel like they want to help us, not just take our money, laugh at us, and run to the bank. 

I have written countless articles about JDate and my experiences with both dating men from their site, and the people who run the site.  A few years back they contacted me and I met a couple of their employees for lunch, only to discover that JDate is completely out of touch with the majority of their users, which is a real shame because it doesn’t need to be like that.

I don’t know who runs JDate these days, but I’d love to have a chat with them. By chat of course I mean I would like to have a serious conversation with someone who is not 20 years old with no clue of what it means to date online.  I don’t need to speak with a computer programmer or a membership specialist, I want to talk to someone who actually cares about me.

I am freaking hilarious!  JDate does not care about me.  They do not care about my opinion.  They do care about my money and the fact is that they will continue to get it because JDate can and does work. While perhaps a little fragile this time around, I am a believer in love and know that love can be found in weird places, and nothing is weirder than the Internet.

I wrote the man with the ten year old pictures and let him know that I knew his pictures were ten years old. He informed me that I didn’t need to worry about it because he looks exactly the same.  You need a tough skin to date online.  You need a sense of humor and lots of wine to date on JDate. At the end of the day you just cross your fingers, and keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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