Just when I think my dating life cannot get any stranger, it does. I have been chronicling my dating life for four years. In that time I have had the most horrific dates ever, along with a long term relationship, and I shared it all. From the man who arrived to our date drunk and threw up on my boots, to the man whose wife came in during our date to ask what was happening, I have written about it.
We have laughed and cried at how truly difficult dating can be, and the only reason I have not thrown in the towel and opened a cat sanctuary, is because your stories are just as bad as mine and I know I am not alone. No matter how old you are, what size you are, what city you live in, or how much you date, when you put yourself out there, there are going to be stories to tell because dating is unpredictable.
I recently got an email from a man online who seemed lovely. He was a little goofy, quite funny, and he wrote me an email that referenced what I wrote in my profile, so I new he actually read it. We emailed back and forth 2 times, then exchanged numbers. He is 51, divorced with adult children, works in finance, is 5’10”, and has a kind face. Our exchanges were funny and sweet, then he asked me out for a drink, so we made plans to meet after the holidays. He called to wish me an easy fast, and we touched base yesterday to make plans for the coming weekend.
Last night my son went out with friends so I decided to run some errands. I went to Starbucks to get an iced tea, went to put gas in my car, then I stopped by Whole Foods to get some dinner. As I was standing in line to pay for my salmon, I notice the guy I’ve been telling you about in line two cashiers over. He is holding flowers and a bottle of wine. I’m curious so I give him a call on his cell thinking it will be cute that I’m calling from the same place he is. I call, it rings, he sees who is calling, ignores the call, and puts his phone away. Not good.
I am now trying to hide because I am embarrassed. I’m looking away and trying to get out of there quickly. I am paying for my fish, look up as I am about to make my great escape, and as I glance up, he is at the front of his line, kissing a woman. Not a peck on the cheek, but a full on kiss my woman kiss. I’m not sure I would have been as brave had I not been having such a great hair day, but I was disgusted enough to walk over to him and say hello. I wish I had taken a picture of his reaction because it was awesome.
He said hello as the woman he was with waited to see who I was. I wait to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t. I decide to not let him off the hook so easily, so I introduce myself and say hello, I’m Ilana. She says hello and introduces herself, telling me she reads my column and thinks I am hilarious. I thank her, tell how her I appreciate it, she mentions a couple of her favorite blogs, I laugh, she turns to the man says, Honey, this is the writer I told you about with the blog. Honey? He is now a bit panicked and I am waiting to see what he is going to say.
It would appear she has forgotten I came over to say hello to him, and that we know each other. As he struggles with what to say, she remembers that I came over, and says, Wait, how do you guys know each other? He jumps into action and says we met in temple on Yom Kippur. Really? We are going to use the High Holidays as an out? I start laughing, he starts laughing to make it look like it is funny how we met, not funny that he is a liar. I then take the opportunity to ask her a burning question. I say, how long have you two been together?
She tells me they met on JDate and have been dating for a couple of months. She also tells me I need to give JDate some time becuase I will meet someone great too. I was going to tell him he should probably take his profile down, but I guess this blog will do the trick. He called me this morning but I didn’t answer, and he didn’t leave a message. The dumbass didn’t even wait 24 hours from the end of Yom Kippur to start building a list of things to atone for next year.
I feel bad for this girl, but maybe they are not exclusive and dating openly. I don’t know their situation and in the end it is none of my business. I am not writing to hurt her, or him for that matter, only to share that this sort of thing happens. Dating is difficult. Dating when you chronicle your dating life makes it harder, but entertaining. I have to laugh because at the end of the day it is funny. It was using Yom Kippur as his lie that grossed me out and made me write about it.
Men like this make me stronger, and clearer on who I hope to meet. They also make me want to give up sometimes, but those feelings pass quickly and hope trumps dispair. Dating can break us, but we must stay strong, not settle, and when we meet an ass, laugh it off. We are going to kiss a bunch of frogs, but if we are lucky we will be able to avoid the assholes. We are all in this together girls, and love will be found if we keep the faith.
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