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Jewish Journal

Dating 101: Balls, an Italian & a Parole Officer

by Ilana Angel

March 23, 2014 | 6:16 pm

Many people have written to ask about my date with “Ballsy”. He's the man who asked me out while I was with my son. He actually picked me up in front of my son, which I thought was ballsy. He is handsome, Jewish, educated, and funny. Plus my son already thinks he is fabulous since he practically joined us for our meal. We went out for dinner.

Ballsy is great. We had enough things in common to make it interesting, and there was definitely a connection, but in the end I don’t think I want to date a man with young children.  I love kids, and welcome a man in my life with kids, but with my son heading off to university and his kids ages 3, 5, and 7, it is something I am not interested in at this time.

My son could be married and a father himself by the time his youngest graduates high school and I don’t see it. I like him very much but after a couple of dates I think we will be friends and I will certainly try to set him up with friends of mine who are in the same place he is. He is a lovely man and his rather large balls make him very brave and sexy.

I met an Italian man this week. He is handsome and when we spoke on the phone he made me laugh. Funny and smart, I thought he was great. He asked me what I do, I told him I write, and he wanted to know what I write. The subject got changed and I never answered. We chatted a bit longer, then when we ended the call, he sent an email.

He said I had to tell him where I work or he was not going to call again. It rubbed me the wrong way, but I thought perhaps I was being silly, so I responded with a bit of sarcasm saying if my telling him where I worked was required, I would pass. We hadn’t met and I didn’t feel the need to tell him where I work. Was his demand odd or sarcastic?

He then got mad at me. By mad of course I mean mean. He made fun of my work, then pointed out all the successful women he’s dated. I thought we were having clever banter and he made it ugly. It actually hurt my feelings so I never bothered to reply. I truly didn’t get how it was he jumped from great guy to douche in the blink of an eye.

Men are simple but also complicated. Something happened that made him uneasy so I suppose it is good it happened before we met, but it still made me sad. Dating is hard and there are no guarantees people you come in contact with will be decent, kind, or safe. I don’t think we ever expect them to be mean, so it’s shocking when that happens.

People being mean while dating has been rare for me, while lying has been quite common. In my experience, men have lied about their age and height. I had a date last night however with a man that didn’t lie as much as he neglected to mention things. As we sat for drinks, he was getting text messages. I thought he would turn his phone off, but no.

After about 7 messages, he told me he needed to make a quick call and could I excuse him for a minute. I sat alone and thought maybe it was his wife he needed to call. When he got back he sheepishly apologized and eventually said he had to call to his parole officer. Turns out this lovely man has served time for drug possession. Dear Lord.

I’ve dated men in the past who have been to prison. One went to a fancy rich people stealing money prison, and one served time for drugs when he was young. The first one is still my friend to this day, and the other one turned out to be a putz, but it has nothing to do with drugs. He was sober for a long time and he was a schmuck with or without drugs.

This man has been out of prison long enough to still have a parole officer, which freaks me out a bit. I don’t know how a prison/parole situation works and it turns out I don’t care because I'm not interested. There are not a lot of desirable men to date in LA, particularly when you prefer to date Jews, but there has to be a line drawn in the sand.

I don’t want to date a man with a parole officer. I don’t want to date a man who is mean, and I don’t want to date a man who is unclear of how old or how tall he is. Sadly those last two knock out most men, but here I am, still willing to try. There are obstacles in my way, and some days I think some cosmic force is on a mission to break my dating spirit.

I am surrounded by loving relationships and so I see couples that not only find love, but hang onto it. There is proof and so I believe, hope, and try. This week I'm going to cut my hair to inspire change. I'm going to accept an invitation to meet a teacher who asked me out, and I'm going to ask out a man I've been emailing because he feels special.

It has been exactly one year to the day that my heart was broken, and two weeks since I realized things with the Coach were not good enough. The good news is that I'm 100% over my heartache and grateful to Coach for getting me there. Finding love and losing love teaches you who you are, what you want, and gets you closer to your Beshert.

This week I discovered I am good company and being alone is not bad. I spent time reading, writing, walking, shopping, and even went out for a meal on my own. I do not need a man in my life, but I want one, so when he comes it will be wonderful. Until he does however, I am fine on my own. I believe in love, which allows me to keep the faith.

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