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Jewish Journal

Dating 101: Age, Kids, Sparks & Being Happy

by Ilana Angel

February 18, 2014 | 2:54 pm

I am not going to date a man who is more than 2 years younger than me. I’m just not. I am not into younger men, even if it’s just a couple of years. No reason really, other than it is just not my thing. I have heard younger men can be fabulous to date because they try harder. I’ve heard they are better in bed because they value a little experience and a woman who is bold. While both good reasons to give it a go, I can’t. 

I’m the same way about older men. I get asked out a lot by men in their 60’s and I just can’t. When I am in my 60’s they will be in their 80’s, and that seems very strange to me. A friend wanted to set me up with a man who is 55 years old and has a 3 year old daughter. Not happening. He will be 73 when that child graduates from high school. That is 15 years with a child at home as my own is leaving to university. No thanks.

Age plays an important role in my dating life, as do kids. I love my son more than anything, or anyone, and I want to be with someone who gets that. My son is leaving home and dating someone with children would be really nice. That said, I don’t want to start over with a young child. I am looking forward to being a grandmother more than I am excited about having a little kid in my life. I’m at a different stage of life.

I want to enjoy the second half of my life. I want to have laughter, love, sex, communication, honesty, and companionship. I want a witness to my life and a partner. I have a fabulous life and I want to share it. It’s not growing old with someone as much as it is about staying young with someone. I want a lot of things and I have a lot to give. I am somewhat complicated I suppose, but at the same time it is simple.

I like to talk and share. I don’t like to fight. I am generous, kind, tactile, honest, bold, brave, and somewhat intimidating because open communication can be scary for some people. I don’t want to be in a relationship where I have to guess what someone is thinking or feeling, I want to know because he tells me. It sounds simple and makes sense, but is actually quite hard to find. Dating is truly exhausting.

A spark is also required. Sparks are important and I don’t get them often. When I met Coach the spark was instant. Just looking at him made me flutter. To me he was the sexiest man I had ever met. He is tall and handsome with incredible eyes and a smile that made me blush. I don’t know why I felt the way I did, and others may not see him as I do, but when I look at him I see someone quite fabulous.

I have feelings for Coach. We are friends. I trust him, enjoy his company, like his family and child. He has met my son, makes me feel beautiful, inspires me to be kind, and has an amazing work ethic. He loves his child in a way that makes me feel all is right in the world. He is comfortable on the couch watching a game or rolling with fancy Hollywood friends. He is a good man, and we are good together.

We have a lot in common. He has a Jewish sensibility I admire and a gentleness that makes me feel safe. We share some of the same worldviews, are reading from the same book of life, but are sometimes on different pages. We can be a little off and it confuses me. I try to make it what I think it should be, instead of enjoying what it is. We are both sensitive and feelings get hurt, which is unfortunate.

Coach offers me something wonderful. He likes me, gets me, and values me. He appreciates what I bring to the table. The big question? Is it worth it to have occasional moments of true happiness with a great man, or a lot of average moments with someone who is not the perfect match?  In the end he makes me happy and that should be enough. I value happiness in my life and that is what he gives me.

I will see Coach on Thursday. We will catch up and it will be nice.  For the time we are together he will be everything that I want and give me everything I need. The difficult part is remembering how I feel when we are together, when we are not. Can what he has to give be enough? I like this man very much and being with him is not settling. I just need to look at things differently and keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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