October 22, 2013 | 7:26 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am stressed out this week and am somewhat overwhelmed. Between college apps for my son, working on a book proposal, writing, watching way too much reality television, shooting a new reality show for BiteSize Networks, and dating someone new I really care about, it has all made me a little crazy. Not bad crazy, just unnecessary crazy.
When you date at this stage of life there are a lot of variables. Kids, work responsibilities, and just the daily complications life brings. I am dating the Coach and not afraid to say I adore him. He is really lovely and I feel very thankful to have found him. We are both parents, have different schedules with our kids, and each work a lot of hours.
The mature and practical side of me knows things are great and we are together when we can be, but the part of my heart that has a schoolgirl crush on a wonderful man wishes we could be together more. It is odd to be dating at this stage of life and I worry I am not handling it well as my desire to be honest is coming out more as crazy than my simply sharing.
I have not really written about Coach because I don’t want to blow it. He is special and I worry that I will write something to make him uncomfortable, so I don’t write about him, when the truth is I could write about him a lot. I’m only writing about him now because so many of you have written to ask me how it is going. It truly is so sweet that you care about us.
I have written about bad dates, good dates, winners, and losers. I have shared an important relationship here, and also cried to all of you when my heart was shattered. Today I feel like I am stumbling a little bit and know sharing it here will help get me back on track. I’m already feeling better than I did earlier and am reminded how all of you matter to me.
Coach makes me happy. He is calm, level headed, smart, funny, kind, decent, sexy as hell, and such a good kisser that on occasion this nice Jewish girl from the valley can see Jesus floating above me as we kiss, giving me a thumbs up. He is a calming influence on me because he is a grown up and there are no games. We are honest, open, and decent to each other.
I enjoy his company, am proud to be with him, and look forward to seeing where it goes. He is lovely and that you inquire about him makes me smile. I feel like the Coach and me, along with my readers and me, are invested in each other and it makes me proud that I am writing in a way that connects us. Not sure I could try another relationship without your support.
Last night the Coach called and I was a crazy person. I allowed my insecurity and girlish madness to affect what I heard and what I said. I texted a passive aggressive response to a kind gesture from him, and while I wrote it I knew I was being crazy, and simply could not stop myself. In the end it was ridiculous but his response shed light on who he is.
He wrote back right away even though he could not speak, so I could be calm and not panic about being crazy. He then called me, and not only explained himself, but allowed me to also explain myself. He let me cry, made me laugh, and was kind even though we both knew I was being a crazy person. It is a very fine line between being honest and being crazy.
It is a new relationship and also a friendship I value very much. I believe communication is the single most important thing to ensure a successful relationship and I always want to feel secure and safe enough to share my truth. However, when my desire for honesty crossed into crazy he embraced me with his words and it was lovely because he gets me.
I won’t write about Coach too much because I want to be selfish and keep him for me. Know he is wonderful and I am grateful to have been brave enough to try again. My bravery can be credited to those who come to read everyday. You may be just one try away from something great so keep trying. There are no guarantees of course, but trying is required.
Coach, thank you for being a mensch. You allowed me to talk it through and figure it out. To those of you who read, borrow the bravery I get from you to be brave yourselves. In the words of A.A. Milne, by way of my darling friend Danielle, "You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." Thank you for encouraging me to keep the faith.
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