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Celebrity Apprentice: Trump Finally Drops the F-Bomb

by Ilana Angel

March 15, 2010 | 2:19 am

It was a fabulous night of television because the latest season of Celebrity Apprentice debuted on NBC.  Trump is back, and this show keeps getting better.  By the number of F-Bombs that The Donald dropped, we are getting our first look into what a real boardroom must be like with Mr. Trump.  Let the games begin!

We are starting off with men vs. women.  Perfection.  Each team gets to pick the others Project Manager for the first task.  The chicks pick Bret Michaels, lead singer of Poison, Rock of Love Skank Tamer, and the weakest link.  The men pick Cyndi Lauper, because they figure they will knock out the strongest players first.

The men’s team is called ROCK SOLID, and the women are called Tenacity.  Boring.  The first task is to run a diner, in a great NYC location, for 3 hours. Whoever makes the most money, in both sales and tips, wins.  All the money goes to charity.  Bravo to Mark Burnett and Trump for making it so.

The men’s team is as follows:
Michael Johnson, Olympian - not interesting, Bye Bye
Bret Michaels, Rock Star - his fake hair is sewn into his hat
Bill Goldberg, Wrestler/Actor – this is a beautiful man
Sinbad, Comedian – not that funny, Bye Bye
Curtis Stone, Chef – gorgeous, hope he stays for a while
Rod Blagojevich, Ex-Governor, Dear Lord. Why? Bye Bye
Darryl Strawberry, Baseball Player – Kind of a creepy guy, but he’s staying for a while

The women’s team is as follows:
Sharon Osbourne, Queen of Everything, my personal pick to win
Cyndi Lauper, Legendary Pop Star – Love her, and hope she stays a while
Summer Sanders, Olympian – from 18 years ago!  Bye Bye
Holly Robinson Peete, Actress – Could not be more annoying. Total mean girl.  Bye Bye
Selita Ebanks, Model – Really?  Hire a new make-up artist.  Bye Bye
Carol Leifer, Comedian – Who cares.  Bye Bye
Maria Kanellis, Wrestler – Should have been on Rock of Love, Bye Bye

The women decide to cook basic diner food, and make it cheap.  The strategy is to get a ton of people in and out, and make money on tips from big donors.  The men decide they are going big, with the cheapest thing on their menu priced at $100.  They hope to make more money, with fewer customers.

The task really took a back seat to seeing everyone for the first time, and getting a handle on who they are.  It’s an interesting group.  Bret Michaels is hilarious.  This scraggly man is skinny, has horrific fake hair, horrible make-up, too tight pants, and probably a Petri dish of sexual madness.  That said, he is oddly attractive, in a forbidden, my mother would kill me, kind of way.

Holly Robinson Peete comes across as someone you can’t trust.  She is shady if you ask me, and I predict that when she goes, it’s in flames.  I don’t get her, and want her gone.  Cyndi Lauper is divine.  She’s a totally cool broad.  When she defended her friend Rosie, and called Trump fat, I wanted to kiss her.  Love this chick, and if Sharon doesn’t win, I hope it is Cyndi.

Blogojevich is sleazy and creepy, yet oddly sweet.  I think once his trial is over, he will have a very successful career selling used cars.  Maria Kanellis appears to be made out of plastic.  Not nice, shiny plastic, but really poorly made Chinese plastic that will kill you if you hold it for too long.  She is beyond trashy, and needs to go home.  Quickly.

Bill Goldberg and Curtis Stone are both stunning looking.  Combined into one person, they make the perfect man.  I am equally in love with them both, and don’t really care what they contribute to the tasks, because they are yummy, and I want them to stay until the obligatory no shirt task.  After we see that, they can be dismissed.

Joan Rivers made a cameo at both restaurants, and it was hilarious because both teams thought she came to specifically see them, but it was Donald who arranged for her to come.  She won last year, and was fabulous.  Like Joan Rivers is going to randomly stop by to eat.  Come on people.

Its an interesting, and entertaining group of “celebrities”.  We were shown last night that a really shiny tool, is not necessarily that sharp.  And at the end of the day, regardless of how sharp, or shiny it is, a tool is nothing but a tool.  Just saying.

Line of the night was from Mr. Trump.  When talking to the ladies, Trump said, “Many of you are beautiful”.  It cracked me up.  Which ones are not attractive Donald?  Classic.  Donald asks each one who should be fired, and I wanted to slap them all.  This strong group of women, checked their balls at the door, and it took them forever to say who should be fired.

Nobody defended themselves.  It was pathetic, and embarrassing, that the chicks caved.  Eventually, lead by the skanky wrestling chick, they systematically threw Carol Leifer under the bus.  Best part was Trump went wild with profanity.  I loved that he went blue.  We’ve never seen him do it before, but we know it’s what happens in his boardroom, so it was great.

Trump fires Carol Leifer.  You saw it coming from the beginning, so no big surprise.  If the chicks want to win, they are going to need to gather up their balls, and stop worrying about being kind and sweet to each other.  It’s business ladies, so check your lipstick at the door, and come out blazing.  It’s going to be a great season.  The men are tough, so the women are going to need to keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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