June 24, 2010 | 10:29 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Sonja Morgan is the newest cast member on The Real Housewives of New York City. She is in her 40’s, has been divorced for years, is the mother of one child, and she thinks sex is important. Not only is it important to her, but she has no problem talking about it, out loud, and in public.
People don’t like to talk about sex, but that’s not the case with Sonja. She has been called a breath of fresh air, and people like her. The thing is, she likes to not only talk about sex, but have sex. It poses the question: can this one fabulous and sexy woman, make it okay for single moms to have sex?
Like Ms. Morgan, I am in my 40’s, a mom, searching for love, and am not scared to say that I have a sex life. It may not be as active as Sonja’s, but it’s there, and not something I’m ashamed of. It is important, when raising a child alone, to remember that we are women, in addition to being moms.
A few years ago, there was hope Kim Cattrall’s portrayal of Samantha, on Sex and the City, would make it okay for older women to have sex. That didn’t really pan out. She was a career single woman, with no kids, and was so over the top, it didn’t legitimize sex for the divorced set.
Sonja is not having more sex than her friends just because she is single. She is having more sex because she is able to see it as a good thing, not something dirty that stays in private, and is only allowed if you are married. It’s about attitude. Divorced women need to embrace their sexuality.
Not everyone needs to go on television and talk about having sex, but God bless Sonja for doing it. I think she presents herself, and her views on sex, in a way that is not threatening, or dirty. She is accessible and approachable, so her message is welcomed, not intimidating or embarrassing.
Sex for a single woman in her 40’s is both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because we are mature and wise. We know our bodies, what we like, and what we’re good at. It’s a curse, because sex is something we are not allowed to openly talk about. Nobody is supposed to know we have sex.
Sonja put it perfectly when she explained that just because you date a man for six months, build a relationship, and then decide to sleep with him, does not mean he will be with your forever. It could still be a one night stand. You could be conservative, with the hope it becomes a real connection, only to sleep with him once, and have him bail.
There are no guarantees that you will find love with every person you sleep with. That should not matter however, as long as you love yourself. It’s time for divorced moms to value themselves. We can be successful as moms, and at work, and still have sex, without having the promise of happily ever after.
Having consensual sex does not make you a slut. Having sex with someone who’s not your spouse, does not make you a whore. Going on a date, even though you have children, does not make you a bad mother. Allowing yourself to have grown up relationships, is the best part of being a grown up.
I dig Sonja Morgan. I think she is changing how women view sex, and that is a great thing. Single moms are not going to head out in droves to have sex, but maybe they will talk about it, which is the first step. For me, being in a loving and committed relationship is the goal, and sex is a part of that.
For other women, maybe a relationship is not the goal, but they would like to have sex on a regular basis, with one reliable person. Whatever the goal is, Sonja’s message is an important one. Sex is not a bad thing, and we are all allowed to have it. Shave your legs, give him a call, and keep the faith.
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