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Jewish Journal

Boobs & Bras Should Be Mandatory Like Driving & Seatbelts

by Ilana Angel

November 30, 2011 | 8:48 am

I like my boobs.  I actually like boobs in general.  I think they are pretty and important and I am rather proud of mine.  Big or small, boobs are a beautiful part of a woman’s body and I take care of mine.  I get them checked out regularly both myself, and by a doctor.  I enjoy sharing them with others on occasion, and like to dress them up in pretty bras.

There are a million and one types of bras for every type of boob.  If you are looking for a specific bra, I guarantee you it can be found.  Just walking into the bra section of any major department store can be overwhelming because the selection is intense.  No mater the size, color, fabric, level of support, or price range you want to find, there is a bra for you.

With so much available, from a million dollar Victoria’s Secret diamond bra to the dollar store variety, there is absolutely no reason I should see women walking around with their boobs swaying to the beat of their own drummer. Just as we are not allowed to drive without a seat belt, women should not be able to go out in public without wearing a bra.

I saw three women yesterday out and about without a bra on and its simply not cute.  Big or small, perky or saggy, a boob needs a bra.  Boobs are to be supported and in my opinion, a boob in a poorly fitted bra is better than a free boob.  The jiggling on one lady almost inspired me to walk up and offer to buy her a bra.  It was that bad people.

Don’t even get me started on the nipples.  Listen, boobs are great and nipples are very special in terms of what they provide our babies, and they also play an important role in our sex lives, but do I really need to see your nipples when I’m at the grocery store? A bra can help cut down the blinding glare of nipples that are standing at attention.

While chicks are not my thing sexually, I can appreciate a beautiful woman and admire the female form.  I have no interest in touching another woman’s boobs, but when I see a woman walking around the mall without a bra on, I find myself wanting to walk over, lift them up in my hands, and show her how much better they would be in a bra.

Just as there are meter maids giving tickets to those who have let their meters expire, there should be a bra patrol that walks around and takes women who are daring to go braless straight to the bra shop. I promise you that no matter how fabulous you think your boobs are, they will look better in a bra.  Bras were unvented for a reason.

When we are young we can’t wait for our first training bra, then we get older and can’t wait to take our bra off at the end of the day.  They can be binding and uncomfortable, but so can seatbelts.  Boobs need bras so if you’re out and not wearing one, be prepared for me to feel you up to make a point.  Don’t be alarmed. I come in peace.  Just go with it and keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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