October 27, 2009 | 9:36 am

Baby Steps

Posted by Ilana Angel

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There are days when I think I am actually getting better at understanding how men think and therefore one step closer to meeting my Beshert but then something happens that blows that theory right out of the water and even though I take two steps forward I end up getting pushed four steps back and so in the end it’s better to take your time with baby steps because even though it may take longer to get where you’re going the setbacks will be smaller.

I decided I was going to be brave and write someone on JDate so I took an hour out of my life, did a search and sorted through the masses to find someone intriguing and yes I rejoined JDate after I said I never would but don’t judge because it’s a necessary evil and by evil of course I mean that it can work and if I give up I could be quitting just before I’m about to meet a great guy and I’m trying so you need to be supportive and by you I mean those who are rolling their eyes wondering why I put myself back on the hell train.

So I find someone I think is interesting and send him a note.  He is divorced with kids, lives in Santa Monica, handsome, tall, looks like he’s in his early 40’s though he says he is 53 and he wrote about his kids in a way that was charming and kind.  He really did appear to be a good guy so I send the note and he writes back right away to tell me that he is going out of town for 2 days and can we chat when he gets back.  I wish him safe travels and plan on talking to him when he gets home.

Then last night I’m on JDate reading an email when I see that someone is trying to IM me and even though the name of the person looking at me is the name of the guy I wrote the day before the picture is not of the same guy.  I look closely and realize that it is in fact the same guy only he has aged about 20 years and even better than that, upon closer investigation it would appear that he is now 2 inches shorter and has lost most of his hair.     
                                                                         
I figure he posted a picture and got some attention then panicked that he was presenting himself as someone he wasn’t anymore but forgot that people already saw his old profile and even though he thought better of it and came clean he now just looks creepy and I feel duped.  I can totally understand the panic in putting yourself online and I get that there is stress with picking a photo and writing about yourself but I will never understand the lying because the truth always comes out in the end and isn’t it better to be a little shorter, balder and older than a liar?

I know these issues are not specific to JDate it just seems worse to find them there because I would expect Jews to behave decently and perhaps that’s naive and silly because we are all just people and human nature is the same but there is a certain expectation and therefore disappointment in it being a Jewish site because it just does not have to be that way and I would hope that Jewish men would be the exception to the rule which is silly because I only date Jewish men and here I am dealing with this and to be fair women do the exact same thing.

I wish my old, short, bald, lying new friend success with his search for love and I will go back to the drawing board because sometimes you just need to wipe the slate clean and start over and even though starting over can be daunting if you focus on the big picture you can laugh at the setbacks and take a baby step forward while keeping the faith.