May 3, 2012 | 9:16 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I believe in God and find myself talking to him most days. I pray every morning when I get up, and again before I go to bed. I have faith that he is with me, and while I don’t think he can answer my prayers, he brings me peace. Having him listen provides me with the answers I need. Faith is personal, religion is personal, God is personal, and this blog is personal.
I have written about faith, Judaism, prayer, temple, Rabbis, and my own journey for spiritual enlightenment. I have been on a path for a long time, and am always waiting for something to happen to tell me that my unwavering faith and belief in God is not a waste of time. It sounds like I worship in order to get something in return, but that is not the case.
I have experienced moments of unbearable darkness in my life, and I have gotten through them by leaning on God. I have experienced moments of unbelievable joy in my life, and thanked God for allowing them to happen, as if it was him who gave them to me. I have also questioned and blamed him for things that have happened which I could not understand.
In the end God matters to me. I am blessed, and being able to lean on him is one of those blessings. I share my life with him, he listens, and I take what I want from the silence that comes through prayer. I don’t ask him for anything, just let him know what I’m thinking. I work hard to not be disappointed because I control the turns my life takes, not God.
Yesterday I believe my son had an encounter with God. It is his story to tell so I won’t go into details, but I will say that he came into contact with someone that I believe was holy. It was a brief encounter, but words were spoken and it mattered. An exchange that lasted seconds was powerful, and in the words of my child, “life altering”. It was magic.
It’s all up for interpretation of course, and it could be that my son needed something and so he felt what he needed to feel, but I think it was an angel, a gift, a blessing, a message, and a sign God is listening. It was a profound moment for my child and a lesson for me. I have been waiting, and there it was. God reached out to my child, which is simply divine.
I have been a little lost lately. My son is growing up, I am in a new relationship, I desperately miss my family, I am dreaming about my beloved father, I am at a crossroads with my career, and I don’t sleep. In the past couple of months I have been praying a lot and reading Torah. My life is good, but I am searching for peace and comfort.
I have been trying to listen more than I talk, and think before I speak. I am sad, but hopeful. I am grateful. I feel tremendous gratitude for so many things in my life, and it took God reaching out to my son for me to get clarity on it all. I love when I needed something from God, he brought it to me through my child, as my boy matters the most to me.
I feel inspired to do things today. I am going to book tickets home to Canada to see my family. I want to hug my mother for hours, have her make me all my favorite meals, and buy her pretty things. I am going to hang out with my sisters, laugh with my brother, and spoil my nieces and nephews. I am going to eat poutine, Aero bars, and ketchup potato chips.
I am going to try to not be so afraid of everything. I want my son to spread his wings and then allow him to fly, knowing I have done a great job and he will be fine. I am going to trust myself and enjoy what I am building with my boyfriend, instead of waiting to be disappointed. I am going to believe that I am living my best life and don’t need to worry about everything.
I believe in God, and I believe my son came into contact with him, or someone sent on his behalf, to comfort him and restore my faith when I needed it. It may be silly to some, and that is okay. It’s personal to me and I understand that some will get it, some will question it, some will mock it, and some will be inspired by it. Whatever the reaction, it’s okay.
I am sharing the experience because that is what I do here, and also because if there is someone out there who is sad and looking for a sign, use this one. I believe this gift was given so I could share it because someone needs it as much as I do. Know that it will be okay, you are blessed, and God is listening. God bless you. Be well, stay safe, and keep the faith.
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