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A Teenager, A Single Mom, Dating, Confidence and Love

by Ilana Angel

October 26, 2010 | 2:05 pm

I am in love with my son.  I can remember when he was a baby and I loved him so much I thought my heart would explode.  It keeps getting better and I love him more today than I ever have.  I am blessed to be this child’s mother everyday.

It is an interesting time in our relationship because we are both dating.  He is almost 15 and a little insecure, while I am almost 45 and have unlimited self-confidence.  I am an old pro, and he is a newbie, but his advice is remarkably valuable.

Last night when my son went to bed, I went to say goodnight and ended up hanging out for a chat.  We talked about girls, dating and my online search.  I am very lucky that my teenage son wants to talk to me about these things.  All my hard work is now paying off.

I never introduce men I am dating to my child unless it is serious.  He has met only 3 men in the last 14 years, and all of them were important to me, and not just someone I was casually dating.  It was a decision I made early and am very happy I stuck with it.

You need to earn the right to meet my kid.  He is very special and just because you buy me a drink does not mean you get to spend time with him.  I think he respects me and my dating life because of the choices I’ve made.  He knows if he meets someone it means something.

I am able to check men out, make sure they are worthy, and then let them meet my son.  For my boy however, he is going to date girls from school, all of which I know, and have opinions about.  He thinks it’s unfair that I get to have an early opinion of his dating life.

He’s right.  I have known the majority of his friends for years and I have opinions about all of them.  They are a great group of young people but still, I like some more than others.  There is a history that he does not have in terms of my dating and I suppose it’s not fair.

My son thinks he is at an age where his opinion should be brought into the mix earlier.  He says he is old enough to form an opinion about a man, and would perhaps see things that I don’t.  He knows me, and his insight on my last couple of boyfriends has been spot on.

My son is becoming a grown up.  Being a child of divorce, going to high school, and feeling a sense of obligation in terms of taking care of his mother, all make you grow up.  He worries about me, which is both charming and sad.  He should focus on his dating, not mine.

I know I am raising a good man.  He loves me, respects me, and has my back.  I don’t think my dating life will include my son anytime soon, but perhaps I can speed up his involvement a little bit.  I am a lucky girl because regardless of my dating life, I am in love with a wonderful boy.

Whether I meet my Beshert, or spend the rest of my life without a partner, my heart is full.  My desire to be in a relationship is a want, not a need, and for that I am grateful.  I am a mom who dates and there is no guidebook.  All I can do is hope for the best, pray, listen, and keep the faith.

 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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