January 24, 2011 | 12:11 am

A Douchelord, Snooki, Matt, LaLanne & Palin wants me deported?

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Mr. Jack LaLanne

On Sunday afternoon, when I went to put gas in my car, there was a couple fighting at the Shell station.  She was crying, he was yelling, it was very sad.  She is sitting in the car, he is pumping gas, screaming at her that she is a crazy, he is done with her, and if she says one more word she can walk home.  Douchelord.

There was a moment when I almost got in my car and drove off, but in the end I could not do it.  I went to the woman, opened her door and asked if she needed a ride home.  She assured me she was fine, thanked me for checking and said everything was okay.  I squeezed her hand, wished her well, shut the door, and told the man to watch himself because people were watching.

I then got a little scared, realized I was all bravado, got in my car and left.  I hope the woman is okay and that she sees being dumped by this douchelord as a blessing.  I’m sure she loved him once, maybe still does, and that is sad.  When loves leaves a relationship it’s hard.  This week on Jersey Shore Snooki said that looking for love is worse than having a staph infection.

Amen Snooki.  Speaking of love, many people have written to ask how Matt is doing.  It’s been a rough few days of treatment, but he is tough, fighting a good fight, and holding his own.  I will see him this week, have checked in on his mom, and all is well.  I love him and we are collecting prayers so tuck one away for Matt and his family.  Prayers are appreciated and needed.

I look forward to the day that Matt is healthy and cancer is a thing of the past.  Health is so important and we take it for granted.  Speaking of being healthy, Jack LaLanne passed away Sunday at the age of 97.  I was always intrigued by Jack, and inspired by how healthy he was, even as a senior citizen.  Rest in Peace Jack, and thank you for showing us what is possible.

It was an interesting weekend.  I worked and rested.  Met with friends and spent time alone.  Went out for dinner, and cooked a great meal at home.  Had a date, and enjoyed being single.  I also got an email for a diehard Palin supporter telling me that I was un-American for my recent blogs about Mrs. Palin, and he is going to make it his mission in life to get me deported.

It was the best laugh I’ve had in a long time.  I told Mrs. Palin to shut up, so he thinks I should be investigated for deportation?  I am clearly a “terrorist” who trying to “undermine the future of the country”.  Really?Good luck with that my friend.  I’m sure Mrs. Palin’s got your back on this, and my getting the boot will ensure her being elected President of the United States.

To be clear, a pig will fly out of my tuchas, speaking Japanese, while making a sandwich, and playing piano, before Mrs. Palin is elected President of anything other than her local hockey club.  Additionally, Mrs. Palin will give a speech, live, that makes sense, before I am deported, so we know that’s never going to happen.  You’ve got to laugh at how ridiculous this all is.

The funniest part of all is that I kinda dig Sarah.  She is a good old broad who would be fun to go shopping with.  I liked her when I met her, but her “people” make it impossible to like her at all which is shame.  Stop being so mean and so political Palinites.  Relax a little, have a drink, and realize that while you support her, you are ruining it for her too.

I have a full week ahead with a kid to love and a life to live.  I am going to be kind, laugh often, listen to my breathing, keep God close, and enjoy the blessings of my life.  I am going to pray for a cure for cancer, keep the memory of my dad alive, and look forward to dancing with my son at his wedding one day.  Life is good, God is good, and it’s all possible, so I’m keeping the faith.