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Jewish Journal

A Cloudy Day, Over Thinking, the Power of Strangers, Faith and Friends

by Ilana Angel

October 18, 2010 | 9:27 am

It’s cloudy, rainy, and cold outside.  I love this weather and we don’t get a lot of it in Los Angeles, so when it comes it’s perfect.  The down side is it makes me want to snuggle up at home and when I’m nestled on the couch with a cup of tea, I start thinking and no good can come of that.

Last week was interesting.  There were a lot of ups and downs.  I met some really lovely people and some who were so rude it was shocking.  I had productive days at work and some exciting things I’ve been working on are becoming less of a dream and more of a possibility.

I have great friends, a wonderful family, and people in my life that care about me.  I have no family in Los Angeles and while it’s hard, I have friends who are like family to me and I can count on them in ways that are endless and fill my heart with gratitude.  I am a lucky girl.

I am a smart girl, a phenomenal mother and a trusted friend.  I work hard to be a good person and people who know me would say I was kind, honest and funny.  They would also say I was bold and not shy about sharing my opinions.  I am brave and an inherently good person.

We all have a history.  Mine is fascinating and someday I might be brave enough to talk about it here.  Until then, you can trust me when I tell you a lot of my boldness is bravado and I am shyer and than one would imagine.  I am old fashioned in my views of love and romance.

Why am I telling you all this?  Something happened that has hurt my feelings.  A person, who I just met, for a brief moment, hurt my feelings.  This person did not know me, but attacked on a personal level.  It was done on purpose, for no other reason than to be mean.

People are invested in my blog. I get emails from all over the world telling me they like my writing, care about my well being, and can relate to what my life is like as a single 44 year old working mom.  It’s sad how one stranger can lift you up while one can push you down.

Dating is hard.  Dating when you’ve been divorced, are in your forties, trying to raise a teenager, and have to work a lot of hours, is harder.  I dated when I was young, and when my son was young, and I can tell you that dating now, in my forties, with my son becoming a man is harder.

My relationships have failed, yet I am asking someone to take a chance on me, even though I have not been successful in the past.  I have a child who is old enough to not only have an opinion on who I date, but also share it and want to be a part of my choices.

The stranger who hurt my feelings, was talking about my dating.  I know it should not matter what they said, but I’m human, and a girl, and it hurts.  What made it hurt was that this person does not know me.  The people who read my blog know more about me that this person did.

I like writing.  It’s my view of my life and the world.  My regular readers know it’s written with a comedic spin a lot of the time.  I am blessed with the ability to see humor in many things, and thank God because if I were serious about everything I might pull all my hair out.

I have faith in myself to be a good person and faith in God that he will watch over me and my family, guide me though life and lift me up when I fall.  This stranger caused me to fall and it’s sad.  I think it’s sad that we cannot put our faith in strangers to be decent and do the right thing.

At the end of the day the only thing I can do is be a decent person.  For the stranger who was unkind I extend my hand. It must be hard for a person to be decent when they are stupid, unprofessional, bitter, socially inept and in desperate need of a romp in the hay to release stress.

After my feelings got hurt I did what any person would do, I went to have dinner with my BFF.  My friend Anjelica is very special.  She is the first friend I made when I moved to Los Angeles.  I have known her for almost twenty years and we have been through a lot of things together.

We met at the first job I had in the states after receiving my green card. She had a little girl and in her haste to get her young child to daycare and then herself to work on time, she accidentally left her daughter’s guinea pig in the car and the poor little thing had passed away.

She was hysterical that the animal was in her car.  Dead.  I had been at my job for two days when I took the deceased “Jenny” from the car, said a prayer, and put her in her final resting place.  From that moment on Angelica and I were friends.  Jenny’s death began our life together.

We have shared marriages and divorces.  We were pregnant at the same time and have sons who are three months apart.  We have led lives on a similar path but could not be more different.  We are opposite in so many ways it keeps our relationship fresh and very entertaining.

I am my true and authentic self with Anjelica.  I can say anything, do anything, think anything and believe anything I want around Anjelica.  She has not ever judged me or made me feel bad or stupid for thinking what I do.  She is a sincere, honest, good friend, and I love her.

Over the past twenty years we have had times where we talk several times a day, and others where life gets in the way and we speak every few weeks.  It makes no difference how much time passes. She has my back, will always be there for me, and I take comfort in knowing she is there.

She put my hurt feelings in perspective.  Not everyone is going to get me or like me.  If I like who I am, then I will attract good people and if someone is so unhappy in their own life that they need to hurt someone they don’t know, that’s not someone who should matter to me.

It’s still cloudy in Los Angeles.  Instead of wasting my time being upset over a loser’s harsh words, I am going to think about how blessed I am to be a mother, have Anjelica, write my blog, and not be a nasty human being.  The stranger who hurt me is not important.

I love a cloudy day.  I am going to not over think things I have no control over.  I am going to be a positive stranger to someone in need of a hand.  I am not giving up on dating or love.  I am going to cherish my friend.  I am going to keep the faith.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

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Ilana Angel writes two blogs for JewishJournal.com. KEEPING THE FAITH is about her worldview as a single Jewish mother, and KEEPING IT REAL is all about reality television....

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