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Jewish Journal

A Blog, a Reader, a Son, an Apology, an Ex, a Cat, & a Life

by Ilana Angel

June 6, 2011 | 8:32 am

I love writing my blog and being a part of the Jewish Journal family.  Some days I write just for me.  It is cathartic and feels good.  I imagine that nobody is reading it, and those who are won’t care that much.  Other days I know I will hit a nerve or touch a heart, and I love those days.

Over the years I have come to appreciate the power of the blog.  I get a lot of emails from all over the world and they are the best part.  When a single mom writes to say she is going through something similar, or a woman writes to say she is certain she has dated the same loser as I have, it’s awesome.

When people write to tell me I am a great mother my heart soars, and when they write to say my opinions and views are stupid, or I am a bad Jew, then it inspires me to keep going and to not only have my voice heard, but it makes me talk a little louder and go a little deeper into what pisses them off.

Last night I went out for dinner with a regular reader of mine who goes by the name Zero Milligrams.  She lives back east and is in Los Angeles for the graduation of her son.  I met her husband, son and daughter, and it was lovely.  She is exactly how she writes and I think she is terrific.

I was flattered that she wanted to meet me.  After reading all my blogs, it’s like she knew me which was interesting.  She spoke of blogs that are so old I had forgotten about them, but she knew them and was able to share how they made her feel and that they mattered.

She lives far away from me, has a life different than mine, is not Jewish, but in the end is just like me.  She is a mom, raising her kids, living her life, dealing with the issues of life and just trying to get through it all with a smile on her face.  We are in the same world and that makes us the same.

She has overcome a lot in her life and her worldview is remarkable.  To my reader and friend Zero, you are lovely and I feel blessed to know you.  Thank you for reading about my life and allowing me into yours.  I wish you health, happiness, and a wonderful time in Los Angeles

My son is going to Michigan.  He was always going to be allowed to go to Michigan.  My job is to teach him, love him and lift him up.  It is not to punish him, break his spirit, or bring him down.  That said, making him sweat a little is part of the job and he sweated this one out.

He apologized for not only lying about his homework, but for the stress it caused.  Getting all the lies worked out took a lot of time and effort.  I learned a lot about my son, my ex-husband, and myself.  I am blessed to have a wonderful son.  He made a mistake, owned it, and is fixing it.

I am very proud of him and how he handled the whole thing.  The same cannot be said for his dad.  It became clear over the past few days that my ex-husband and I have nothing in common,  view our jobs as parents very differently, and I simply do not understand how he operates.

We clash as people and the relationship we each have with our son could not be more different.  I realized this weekend that I simply do not like this man on any level, which is very sad.  How I can I ask my son to respect a man that I have no respect for?  It will be a challenge.

After a long weekend, I picked up my son from his dad’s house, we got home, wrapped up his remaining homework and got ready for the week.  I put my son to bed, made a cup of tea, then I sat down and started to cry.  I was exhausted and just needed a moment to let is all go and relax.

As I sat on the couch, my cat, not Fiddles the one I love, but Gopher, the one on Prozac, came to sit with me.  We have had him for a year and I have never touched him, as he does not get close.  He is on meds because if I don’t keep him he will be put down so I’m trying everything.

He jumped on the couch, walked over and smelled my hand, then sat next to me.  I just sat there, crying, and watching him.  Over the course of 20 minutes he inched closer and closer until he was leaning on me.  I was amazed.  I went to touch him and he let me, for one second.

Literally one second.  He then hissed, jumped off the couch, turned around and gave me a look that translated into, “ Are you kidding me?  I come to console you and you think it is an invitation to touch me?  Don’t ever touch me again.  Ever.”  After that I could not stop laughing.

I have a wonderful life.  I love my kid, my family, my friends, my readers, and my cats.  I am blessed to live my life out loud and not in fear.  I thank you all for going on this journey with me, and inviting me on yours.  Life is good, and will stay good, if we’re keeping the faith.

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