September 12, 2011 | 1:25 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I’m a terrible dater, which is unfortunate since I date so much. I don’t date just for the sake of dating, but because I am lonely and want to have a partner for the second half of my life. Plus my son, who is the great love of my life, wants to go to NYU for college and if I am not in a happy relationship by the time he goes to college, he will give up his dream of NYU and go to a local school in order for me to not be alone.
It’s a lot of pressure I suppose, but not anything I can’t handle. I’ve been alone for a long time so clearly I’m not in any rush. At the same time, I will marry my mailman if it means my son will go to NYU. My mailman is kind of mean, but I will do it! I am so proud of this marvelous boy that he wants to give up his dream to ensure I am not alone, and at the same time, I have raised him to be independent and he will go away to school and flourish. He is my favorite man, not the man in my life.
My son is remarkable and while I know he says he will stay with me, he is also on a mission to get me a boyfriend. When he was young he left it up to me, but with less than 3 years until graduation, he is taking things into his own hands and taking a proactive role in my dating life. He wants to know who I’m dating because clearly my selections are not working, and he thinks he can find me someone based on looking for men I wouldn’t choose myself.
I’ve had three interesting dates over the past three weeks. They have left me intrigued, confused, hopeful, disgusted and full of questions. Rather than try to figure it all out on my own, or buy a book by an “expert” who has no expertise, I am going to open it up here. I have 5 basic dating questions that I would like answered, and invite my male readers to share their take on things. Millions of women, myself included, want to know the truth.
Here are my top 5 questions to men who are dating:
1. For every 5 times you say you’ll call, how many times do you really call?
If I say I will call, I will. Why lie? Just say you are not calling.
2. Why do you talk about your exes on a date?
This has been a pattern in my last few dates. If you speak badly of her you’re an ass, if you speak badly of your treatment of her, you are an ass. Just don’t talk about her.
3. Do you want women to pay for dinner on a first date?
If the bill comes and you don’t immediately reach for it, should we offer to pay for dinner? Is going Dutch on a first date what you would prefer?
4. Is a goodbye hug a message that you are not interested?
If you are interested in a woman, will you not go in for a kiss? Is a hug the dating equivalent of a handshake?
5. What needs to happen for you to ask for a second date?
Do you need to have sexual attraction to ask for another date? If you’re not over the top attracted to her, but love her personality, is that enough to ask her out again?
The answers to these questions are not going to miraculously make me understand men, but maybe they will help me get one date closer to finding my Beshert. I am never going to be a good dater. I am however, hopeful that with each date, is the opportunity to find love. Being hopeful trumps being jaded so it’s all good. Will men be brave enough to give us the truth and answer my simple questions? I’m keeping the faith.
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