December 15, 2011 | 9:57 am

Premarital Sex, Orthodox Jews & Censorship

Posted by Ilana Angel

Stern College for Women is part of Yeshiva University of Manhattan.  It is an Orthodox Jewish school, and while it has classes that are religious based and not, it is a religious campus and the rules and regulations of Orthodoxy are followed.  Even if it means censorship.

Earlier this week an Orthodox female student wrote an essay that was published online through The Beacon, a school paper.  She wrote about the sex life of an unmarried Orthodox woman who goes to a hotel, and has sex with her lover, then regrets it.

I enjoyed her writing.  I thought her story was sexy.  As a woman, I could understand her passion and regret, and it would be a shame if this uproar silenced this girl’s writing.  Even though you write about sex doesn’t mean you’re having sex.  My blog is proof of that.

I have read the essay, and don’t understand why it has ruffled so many feathers. Since premarital sex is forbidden in Orthodoxy, there is now a firestorm on campus, which in my opinion has put an unflattering light on this population of the Jewish faith, and brings up a lot of interesting questions.

This woman wrote an essay and many are trying to censor her.  The religious faction of the school is pressuring those that published it to take it down as it is offensive to Orthodoxy.  Is that not religious bullying?  If you don’t like the subject, don’t read the essay.  It’s quite simple.

With no disrespect, I doubt all Orthodox Jews are not having premarital sex. That said, let’s assume there is not one single Orthodox Jew having sex before marriage.  If this community wants us to believe that, fine.  We won’t of course, but it’s okay that you want us to..

Even if you are not having any sex, it does not mean you are not able to think about it, talk about it, fantasize about it, and write about it.  There are Orthodox sex toy companies, Orthodox porn, and websites catering to Orthodox affairs, so why are so many panties in a twist about this essay?

Is the issue that she wrote about premarital sex, or that she may have had it?  Some kids on campus said the act itself is forbidden, and others seemed more concerned with the sharing of something that should be kept private.  If you have sex but keep it quiet is that?

People are having sex before marriage in the Orthodox community.  I don’t know if the author of the essay is, but who cares?  She is a writer, who shared a story that required bravery.  She should be applauded, not made to feel bad about her work.  The hypocrisy of faith is baffling.

Members of the student council asked for the essay to be removed and while The Beacon is under tremendous pressure, they severed their ties with the school and left the essay up.  Bravo to them for doing the right thing and allowing this woman’s voice to be heard.

Sex, politics and religion are taboo, but writing about them is fabulous. What would the reaction have been had the essay been written by a male student? I’m guessing it would not be as big of a deal.  Women are not allowed to be sexual without being labeled a slut, or a religious failure.

I am proud of this young girl for writing this essay.  It is sometimes difficult when all Jews, from Reform to Orthodox are lumped into one religious bucket. Orthodox Jews are a religion on their own, and that they are looking down upon this woman is lame and unkindness God would not approve of.

Before you write that I do not know what God would approve of, I am speaking of my God, the God that guides me though my life and faith.  This God is kind, compassionate, and does not judge.  It was just an essay, and not anything that needs this much judgment.

I am not judging Orthodox Jews, and certainly not mocking their beliefs, I am only saying that just because you don’t talk about premarital sex, does not mean it is not happening.  It is happening, and trying to silence the essay’s writer is an embarrassing example of how to keep the faith.

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December 13, 2011 | 1:26 am

A Rainy Day in Los Angeles is Hell on Earth

Posted by Ilana Angel

It rained on Monday in Los Angeles.  This means I thought about killing people for most of the day. By killing them of course I mean I wanted to get out of my car, knock on their windows, and ask what the hell they were doing. I wouldn’t have had time to kill anyone because the traffic was so bad I never got anywhere. How is it possible an entire city can’t drive in the rain?

I went to the market and waited 10 minutes for a woman to back out of her parking space.  I could not move as there was a car in front and one in back of me, both honking.  I just sat there as this woman, who was about 400 years old and could see about 2 inches over the steering wheel, backed out of her spot with a look of complete terror that she had to do it in the rain.

Important to note that at that point it was not even raining.  It was simply wet from an earlier rain, but that was enough to put her into a deep panic.  I don’t want to harp on her because God bless her she was ancient.  I am prepared to harp on the young kid who was clearing driving his mother’s car and thought hydroplaning was a fun way to spend the afternoon.

To clarify, I know it was his mother’s car because the back window had those stickers that show a family of cartoon characters.  A mom, dad, 3 kids and 2 dogs.  A teenager is not putting those stickers on his car.  I could not handle his irresponsibility, so after watching him speed through the rain at dangerous speeds three times, I took matters into my own hands.

I copied down his license plate, and then at the next red light, I pulled in front of him, got out of my car and knocked on his window.  He opened his window and I lost my mind, yelling that he was putting himself and me in danger by driving like an ass.  I then told him I knew who his mother was and was going to call her and let her know his should lose his driving privileges.

Of course I had no idea who his mother was, but I scared the crap out of him and hopefully he knocked it off with the speeding, and was more mindful of his choices.  Rain in Los Angeles is hell on earth.  It is a painful experience and what sick days are for.  Everyone who cannot drive should use their sick days when it rains so they are off the road and I can drive in peace.

While it feels as if I’m the only person who knows how to drive in the rain, there are others.  I have seen them.  Actually, I would be willing to bet that when I see another good driver on the streets of Los Angeles during a rain, they are not from Los Angeles.  The forecast is calling for more rain on Tuesday, which is unfortunate.  Buckle up and keep the faith.

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December 11, 2011 | 10:43 pm

Prayers For My Mother

Posted by Ilana Angel

My mother has unexpectedly been admitted to the hospital and I am asking that those of you who pray please send prayers her way. 

She is a remarkable woman, Mother, Grandmother, friend, and human being.

I love her as she loves me, which is unmeasurable, and I want her home.

I will see you soon Mummy.

Keep the faith.

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December 8, 2011 | 10:06 pm

Mothers, Fathers, Memories & Bar Mitzvahs

Posted by Ilana Angel

When my doctor told me I was pregnant, I fainted.  I was 29 years old and my lifelong dream was to be a mother, so when it was confirmed, after years of trying, it was too much joy to handle I simply fainted.  It was a wonderful day and the love I felt for my child at that exact moment has been with me ever since.

Months later, when my doctor told me I was going to have a son, I could feel my heart swell.  It was a day that is engraved into my memory and I have visited that moment many, many times over the past 16 years.  With each breath that I take, I love my son more.  He is perfection to me and I am in awe of him.

Once I knew for sure it was a boy, I went shopping and bought my son a Tallit for his Bar Mitzvah.  For the next 13 plus years, I kept his Tallit in my closet and would take it out often.  It may sound silly, but I would share all my dreams and fears with the Tallit.  It became the keeper of my prayers.  I would write things down on paper, then fold them up and place them in the pouch that stored the Tallit.  When my son crawled for the first time, then walked, talked, ran, and told me he loved me, I wrote it all down and tucked it away with my most treasured material thing, the Tallit.

It is a simple, elegant, beautiful shawl.  I did not know anything about my child when I bought it, but it spoke to me and now when he wears it, it is as if it was made special for him.  Even though it is now a little too small, my child cherishes it and will give it his own child one day.  About a week before the Bar Mitzvah, I took out the Tallit and held it tight. For the first time in 13 years I opened every piece of paper and read each one.  It took me about 4 hours because it’s hard to read when you are crying. It was a stroll through my life as a mother, and also a great lesson.

As a single mom there were times that were so hard I don’t know how I made it through.  I was reminded of my struggles and triumphs.  The papers allowed me to see what a great mother I had become and that I had raised a remarkable and wonderful human being.  It was a blessing.  When I was done, I took all the papers and burned them in a trashcan.  The Tallit was no longer going to hold my dreams and prayers, and would begin holding those of my son.  I put all the ashes in a bag, when I returned to Montreal to visit my family, I sprinkled them on the grave of my father.

My dad was not alive to see my son become a Bar Mitzvah, but he knew how hard I worked to get to that place, and so putting my dreams and prayers with him felt like coming full circle.  I miss my father every single day and to share that day with him in this way mattered to me.  I miss my father so much today that it aches.  I had a rough day and all I wanted to do was call him and be comforted by his voice.  He was a really lovely man and his support of me was endless and sustained me as a single mother, trying to raise a boy with Jewish values, far from my family.

I read an article here at JewishJournal.com by David Suissa, that made me cry.  It’s been such an emotional day that the story mattered to me more than perhaps it would have on another day.  Mr. Suissa wrote about a program called REMEMBER US and I recommend you read it. ETo read about Adam Unger and Daniel Pyser was very moving.  A Bar Mitzvah is not only important from a religious perspective, but as a parent it is an emotional gift to experience this rite of passage with our young children, who were once our babies, and will carry our faith forward.

I feel the importance of faith today.  I have a frame in my home that holds two pictures, one of my son and one of my father on the day each of them were called to the Bimah to become a Bar Mitzvah, which is more than a tradition.  It speaks to who we are as Jews, parents, and a people.  My father lives on through my son.  My son will take all my prayers with him throughout his life, as I take those of my father. I will forever remember the story of Adam, have respect for Daniel, be proud of my son, and love my father for teaching me to keep the faith.

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December 8, 2011 | 12:44 am

Single for the Holidays vs. Desperate Online Dating

Posted by Ilana Angel

I love the holidays.  From the sound of kids laughing at Hanukkah, the smell of latkes, Christmas carols in the mall, gorgeous wrapping paper, Kleenex and diamond commercials that make me cry, to people being in the holiday spirit, it all makes me happy.  There is something magical about the holidays and no matter what your religion is, for a brief moment, it feels like joy to the world is possible.  It is a time of faith and I love that about the holidays.

Being in love at the holidays is a great thing.  While I like going out, it’s the part of the holiday season where you stay in that I crave.  Snuggling on the couch to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, preparing a home cooked meal together, doing the dishes once the kids have gone to bed, and slow dancing to Al Green in the kitchen.  Those are things I miss about a relationship.  I miss those things anytime of the year, but at the holidays it actually aches.

So as Hanukkah approaches, I decided to cancel my online dating account and take down my profile.  I figure there is a certain desperation that is happening this time of year and I’d rather not be a part of it.  Once I made the decision I immediately thought it was a mistake.  Would this choice cause me to miss out on a great man?  Why couldn’t I leave it up and just see what happened?  Why was I so scared?

I actually prayed on this one.  I asked God to give me peace so I could let it all happen as it should, without my interfering. I don’t want to be that girl who stands in the way of her own happiness by over thinking or sabotaging love.  Then, because God listens, I got an email today that put it all into perspective and gave me clarity on my online dating life.  I am now firm on a decision and am feeling blessed to have God guiding me.

The email read as follows:  “Hi.  You have a warm face, kind iyes, and grate hair.  I would love to take you out and spend the night kissing you.  What a sweetheart you are.  I think we be fall in love.  Its Gods wish. Letz go out tongight so by New year we can make love and bring 2012 together.  Here is my number xxxxx. I am wating to hear from you.”  Not one single word has been changed. This is exactly what I received.

Online dating is painful but this guy put me over the edge, so my profile is down.  I think my online dating days have reached their end and so I am happy about that.  I have a little crush on someone interesting and so I am happy about that too.  Soon it will be latke time and It’s a Wonderful Life, The Wizard of Oz, and Little Women will be on television.  The hope of sharing the holidays one day is comforting, and reminds me to always keep the faith.

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December 7, 2011 | 9:09 am

A Freezing Winter Day in Los Angeles

Posted by Ilana Angel

I grew up in Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada and I know what winter is.  Cold, dark, snow, ice, wind, all of it.  Days when your actual bones shiver, and spending 15 minutes getting into a snowsuit, to then spend 15 minutes getting the ice off the car is just not worth it so you stay home.  Winter is cold, and as a Canadian from the prairies, I can assure you I know winter.

Winter in LA is a whole other story.  I have been to the beach on Christmas day getting a suntan, and worn a sleeveless dress with no jacket on New Year’s Eve.  Los Angeles is blessed with an easy winter and I have been grateful for twenty years.  I miss a Canadian winter though and go home just so I can experience frozen bones and an afternoon of sledding.

When I left my house this morning at 6:30, I stepped outside and gasped. It was so cold that it caught my breath and I actually panicked for a minute. Where was I?  What was happening?  It was 32° and for the first time in as long as I can remember, my bones were shivering.  It is so cold that I can see my breath and am quite certain I smell snow in the air.

I did the only thing I know how to do in such a situation, I turned around, went back in the house, put the kettle on, and waited for the news to tell me it was a snow day and I didn’t need to leave the house.  I am now sitting with a cup of tea, in a sweater, a coat, a scarf, hat, and gloves, with the heater on full blast, trying to warm up my freezing bones.

I turned the TV on just in time to hear Matt Lauer tell me that the east coast, from North Carolina to Maine, is bracing for a Nor’easter and expect to be pounded with up to a foot of snow.  I appreciate that it’s sunny with no chance of snow in LA, but that does not take the sting out of the chill in the air, and I don’t feel bad for complaining about the bitter cold.

Now, just because I do not feel bad does not mean I am not a little embarrassed.  Has my blood thinned so much that my Canadian resilience has turned into a spoiled LA brat?  Am I now a wimp who complains of freezing every time I need to put on a sweater?  What has happened to me?  There was a time when 32° was simply a brisk day.  I’m sorry Canada.

It is humiliating to have become so weak when it comes to the cold, and I never thought this day would come.  You would think there was a foot of snow outside my door the way I am avoiding leaving.  Can I really call myself a true Canadian when 32° and sunny is enough to declare a snow day?  To those who are experiencing a real winter, please forgive me.

To my beloved Canada, after twenty winters away it makes sense that I would lose my winter edge.  I fear that even if I return and experience first hand what cold really is, I will not get back to my true Canadian spirit.  Perhaps I must simply admit I am a winter wimp and own it.  Will the Motherland forgive my weakness?  I’m keeping the faith.

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December 4, 2011 | 1:00 pm

I LOVE YOU JONAH

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dear Jonah,

I love you.  You are a brave young man and I am holding you close to my heart.  I feel your sadness, pain, confusion, fear and hope.  Hold on Jonah because this too shall pass, even though it feels like it never will.  You are blessed with courage and your video is powerful.  I have cried for you, and with you.  You are inspiring and by sharing your story, you will bring change.  I am your friend Jonah. You are going to be okay.  You are okay.  Be as proud of yourself, as all of us are proud of you. I love you Jonah.  Keep the faith.

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December 1, 2011 | 12:47 am

Kissing Strangers

Posted by Ilana Angel

Before we tackle this subject I think we need to establish how important kissing is.  For me, I can fall for a man based on just one kiss.  Sadly I can also dump a man based on just one kiss.  I believe you can tell a lot about a man by how he kisses.  Kissing is a powerful thing and what men don’t realize is that even though they all say they are good at it, they aren’t. I don’t kiss women, so I’ll leave it with men and simply say kissing is important.

I like to kiss.  Well, if my memory serves me correctly, I like to kiss.  It can be a loving gesture to your children, a warm exchange between friends, or an intimate bonding of two people.  How is it possible that something so special is done so easily with strangers?  I have kissed men on a first date and you can’t really know someone after just one date.  Kissing is important yet we treat it as though it has no value, which I find really interesting.

I often wonder if men are good kissers.  I am convinced that George Clooney is a brilliant kisser.  Just a gut feeling, but I imagine someone that divine cannot be a bad kisser.  I have sat in business meetings and wondered if men I am talking with are good kissers.  I can remember being in high school and wondering if a certain, seriously handsome teacher of mine was a good kisser.  I have even wondered which President was the best kisser.

My girlfriend went on a first date last night.  She had a nice time and when it came to the end of the night, he walked her to the car and kissed her. Not a regular kiss, the holy grail of kisses.  For the first kiss he took her face in his hands and pulled her in.  The simple gesture of taking a woman’s face in your hands is enough to make a bad kiss almost bearable.  When that first kiss was good, and she was receptive, he went for the gold.

He took his right hand, placed it over her left ear, then ran his fingers against her head, going deep into her hair, then grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in. I immediately thought about George and knew he would do the same thing.  My friend was giddy when she told me about her date.  I was really happy for her and found joy in knowing that there was a man who knew how to kiss. If here is one, there must be more!

If that is how he kisses a stranger then one can assume if they go out again and get to know each other better, then the kissing will get better too. Hard to believe he can top his performance but how exciting to think that he might.  Kissing matters and men need to know that when you kiss on a first date, consider yourself lucky because it takes trust for a woman to allow it. You need to make it count because we are going to judge you on it.

To women, my advice would be that if you are going to kiss on a first date, go all in and give your decision a shot at success. Don’t think of it as kissing a stranger, but as a first kiss.  If you end up having a relationship with that person, and all relationships start with a kiss, you want to look back and remember that it was fabulous, not that you hesitated because it was a stranger. Just close your eyes, trust yourself, and keep the faith.

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November 30, 2011 | 9:12 am

Single, Happy, Hopeful & Strutting

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am in a dating slump and frankly have no real interest in getting out of it. I had a date last week that was completely uneventful, and when I came across someone online I thought looked interesting, it turned out he was a reader of my blog and while a fan, was not brave enough to risk being written about, so he passed on a date, but wanted to be friends.

He’s sweet enough and we’ve begun emailing which is nice I suppose.  I’m not really looking for a pen pal, but he is smart and funny so maybe I can fix him up with a friend.  One never knows.  I want to share my life with someone and so I like to think that I am going to keep myself open and send out the right energy, but these days I just really don’t care that much.

By not care that much, of course I mean I really care about it.  People say when you are not looking for love is when you will find it, while others say you will never find love unless you are looking for it.  There is no right way to look for love, or rules about how love will find you.  The focus for single people should be to be happy so we are ready when it comes.

This blog is both a blessing and a curse.  A blessing because I love it and it matters to not only me, but also a curse because it really does impact how I date. Men are afraid of it when I tell them, but not telling them up front would not be cool.  If a man wanted to date me and not be written about, all he has to do is ask.  I do not write about the men who asked me not to.

There are enough things to worry about when dating without having to bring a blog into it.  In addition to the blog being a roadblock, the holiday season is coming. Hanukkah is easy because for me it’s a holiday for children, but New Year can be brutal.  I’ve never really been one to go out on New Year’s Eve, but having someone to kiss is kind of a big deal to me.

Bringing in a new year is special because it is full of hope.  Hope for love and joy not only for myself, but for my family.  I am hearing from a lot of single readers that they are starting to feel stressed about being alone for the holidays.  I feel bad when I get these letters because there is noting I can say to make them feel better, because the truth is it sucks.

I had 3 meetings yesterday.  They took up my entire day and I was exhausted when I got home.  I was running around and it was only when I settled into bed with a cup of tea and reflected on my day, that I realized something great had happened.  I met someone that got me excited about life, which is a truly powerful gift to receive.

I met a total of 8 new people during my meetings.  They were an eclectic group of characters and all will play important roles in my life in terms of both my work and my home life.  There was one person in particular however, that left me feeling inspired and hopeful.  I found myself listening and being excited about things to come, and it almost felt like a great date.

Sometimes you can meet a person who puts a little pep in your step and it’s a great thing.  I woke up this morning, worked out, put on a super cute outfit, fixed my hair and am going to have a great day.  I have been so buried under stress and work that I forget about how happy I am.  This person reminded me that life is great, I am fabulous, and I need to put happy first.

I am not going to attract happy if I am not sending out happy.  It occurred to me that meeting these people was like having a great date.  I woke up thinking about them, what they said, and looking forward to something.  I think it’s easy for women to sit and reflect about how things are not going well, but difficult for us to take the steps needed for change.

I don’t read my blogs once they are posted.  I live these stories so reading them is not necessary, and to hear people talk about my writing is sometimes difficult because I write about my life, and if they don’t agree I can take it personally.  What I discovered in my meetings yesterday is that people also take my writing personally, and that is wonderful.

I am excited about change today.  Turns out that meeting these new people was even better than a date.  I didn’t have to shave my legs, wait at a bar for a stranger, or sit though the painful interview process that is the world of dating.  I do however get to enjoy the benefits of a good date in that I am strutting today because I got my happy back.

When life is hard, being single can be sad.  When life is great, being single can be sad.  As a single woman who is looking for love, the most important thing I can do for myself is be happy.  I look forward to my next date because all great love affairs begin with a date.  If we don’t approach our dating with this hope, we risk becoming bitter.

Sadly, I have no date in my future.  Having just checked my online dating accounts, I predict it may be a while until I have a date, but it’s okay because yesterday was better than a date.  I am blessed, and the holidays will come and go whether I get a kiss or not, so I must embrace my happy self, enjoy the glow that comes with hope, and keep the faith.

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November 30, 2011 | 8:48 am

Boobs & Bras Should Be Mandatory Like Driving & Seatbelts

Posted by Ilana Angel

I like my boobs.  I actually like boobs in general.  I think they are pretty and important and I am rather proud of mine.  Big or small, boobs are a beautiful part of a woman’s body and I take care of mine.  I get them checked out regularly both myself, and by a doctor.  I enjoy sharing them with others on occasion, and like to dress them up in pretty bras.

There are a million and one types of bras for every type of boob.  If you are looking for a specific bra, I guarantee you it can be found.  Just walking into the bra section of any major department store can be overwhelming because the selection is intense.  No mater the size, color, fabric, level of support, or price range you want to find, there is a bra for you.

With so much available, from a million dollar Victoria’s Secret diamond bra to the dollar store variety, there is absolutely no reason I should see women walking around with their boobs swaying to the beat of their own drummer. Just as we are not allowed to drive without a seat belt, women should not be able to go out in public without wearing a bra.

I saw three women yesterday out and about without a bra on and its simply not cute.  Big or small, perky or saggy, a boob needs a bra.  Boobs are to be supported and in my opinion, a boob in a poorly fitted bra is better than a free boob.  The jiggling on one lady almost inspired me to walk up and offer to buy her a bra.  It was that bad people.

Don’t even get me started on the nipples.  Listen, boobs are great and nipples are very special in terms of what they provide our babies, and they also play an important role in our sex lives, but do I really need to see your nipples when I’m at the grocery store? A bra can help cut down the blinding glare of nipples that are standing at attention.

While chicks are not my thing sexually, I can appreciate a beautiful woman and admire the female form.  I have no interest in touching another woman’s boobs, but when I see a woman walking around the mall without a bra on, I find myself wanting to walk over, lift them up in my hands, and show her how much better they would be in a bra.

Just as there are meter maids giving tickets to those who have let their meters expire, there should be a bra patrol that walks around and takes women who are daring to go braless straight to the bra shop. I promise you that no matter how fabulous you think your boobs are, they will look better in a bra.  Bras were unvented for a reason.

When we are young we can’t wait for our first training bra, then we get older and can’t wait to take our bra off at the end of the day.  They can be binding and uncomfortable, but so can seatbelts.  Boobs need bras so if you’re out and not wearing one, be prepared for me to feel you up to make a point.  Don’t be alarmed. I come in peace.  Just go with it and keep the faith.

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November 26, 2011 | 12:44 am

Black Friday UPDATED

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’m not much of a shopper.  I do like a good bargain though, and can appreciate the excitement of an all-nighter of shopping, but is it really worth it to spend an entire night shopping with millions of people to save a few dollars?  I’m thinking not so much.  For me Black Friday is more about an experience than an attempt to save money.

My son and his friends have decided they want to go shopping on Black Friday.  Apparently buying shoes and jeans at midnight sounds like fun.  If by fun they mean insane, then yes, I imagine it will be loads of fun.  The interesting part of their plan is that I have been elected to be the driver on their adventure, and I never got to vote.

When I mentioned to my wonderful child that after Thanksgiving I would be tired, he informed me that as a vegetarian I would not be eating turkey, therefore not consuming any tryptophan, and so going shopping for a few hours would not be a big deal.  I panicked when he said “hours”.

The plan is to leave at 10:00, find parking, which they estimate will take about an hour, then get in line and shop from midnight until about 8 in the morning, when I will buy them breakfast, then take them home for some much needed sleep.  Could this sound any less appealing?

My son is really wonderful.  He does not ask me for much really.  He gets great grades, does not get into trouble, has nice friends that I love, is funny, smart, caring, sensitive, compassionate, and truly fills my life with joy. You can imagine my shock and surprise to learn that he is also crazy.

Does he really think I am going to get out of my warm bed in the middle of the night to go shopping?  Yes he does, and sadly he is right.  I will wait in a few lines, for a few hours, while he gets a few things, all the while wishing I was in bed.  It will be exhausting and annoying. Yay!

It will make him happy though, which is always my goal, and more importantly I will have some ammunition.  Example: Me: Can you go out to the car and get my bag?”  Him: I’m too tired. Me: Remember the time I went shopping all night on Black Friday? Him: Okay mom, I’ll go get it.

Pathetic I know.  At the end of the day my midnight schlepping will not be ammunition as much as it will just be a memory that we will have together, and for that reason alone I am going out on Black Friday.  Dear Lord please let me survive this adventure.  I am scared, but keeping the faith.

** Well we did it.  We left home at 10:30 and headed to the outlet mall.  We got there at 11:00 and found parking at midnight.  We had 5 stores on our list and managed to get through them all in about 3 1/2 hours.  We got everything we wanted, and while I was a walking zombie, it was fun. 

Buying things for someone, especially a child, who is genuinely appreciative, is a blessing.  It was pure joy for me and though I promised I will never do it again, I know we will be out there again next year, complaining, freezing,  and having a wonderful time. 

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