May 24, 2012 | 9:29 am

Jewish Girl is Too Hot for Orthodox Boss

Posted by Ilana Angel

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Lauren Odes is a Jewish girl from Jersey.  She is a 29 year old blonde bombshell who looks like Anna Ferris.  More Playboy than Cosmopolitan, she is pretty.  We learned this week that after working less than a month for a lingerie manufacturer owned by Orthodox Jews, she was fired.

After being fired she did what any hot chick would do, she called Gloria Allred to represent her in a lawsuit for discrimination and wrongful termination.  It’s a shame she didn’t get a regular attorney instead of the fame-whore Allred, as her case became silly the moment she hired her.

I’m not a lawyer, but I am a follower of pop culture and Gloria Allred is an ambulance chasing hot mess.  She likes being famous, having her picture taken, the sound of her own voice, and manages to make serious cases silly just by associating herself with them.  I’m just not a fan.

Odes claims she was fired for being “too hot.”  She felt her Orthodox Jewish bosses were critical of her provocative attire and eventually let her go.  Interesting that she could not wear a tight black dress that completely covered her to work, but they sell crotchless panties to the masses.

Lauren worked for Native Intimates as a data entry clerk.  She was not in the store hawking panties, but rather in the office.  She is petite, with great boobs, and claims she was asked to tape them down in an attempt to make them less noticeable.  I’m sure her boobs were not the problem.

This is a nice looking girl whose looks demand stares.  From the boobs, makeup, and bleached blonde hair, you don’t look like this and expect to sit quietly in the corner unnoticed.  There is simply no way she interviewed for this job without them noticing what her body looked like.

Lauren released the following statement: “I do not feel an employer has the right to impose their religious beliefs on me when I’m working in a business that’s not a synagogue, but sells things with hearts on the female genitals and boy shorts for women that say hot in the buttocks area.”

Allred said that the constant attention and staring at Odes from her employers was “discriminatory, profoundly humiliating and unlawful.”  Really? I imagine this woman is stared at all the time and so it seems odd that she would take offense to it now and do it all so publicly.

The owners of Native Intimate have not responded to the allegations.  I figure some idiot thought it would be fun to hire a hot girl so he could stare at her all day and it backfired.  I’m guessing it was a man who hired her because women don’t like hot chicks hanging around.

I once worked for an Orthodox organization as an event planner and fundraiser.  I put on a gala and raised a huge sum of money.  I brought them celebrities and new donors, but after the event I was fired for wearing a pantsuit to the event as it was offensive to the Orthodox men.

I made a stink and they settled to keep me quiet.  They knew I was not Orthodox when they hired me, and I actually wore pants to my interview. They fired me because I did not follow the same religious beliefs as them and so I can believe that Lauren was fired because she was sexy.

She showed the outfits she wore and they were fine.  The men dug looking at her, they were turned on, could not focus, their wives were pissed off, and she was canned.  She should never have been hired let alone fired.  They should fire whoever it was that hired her.

Stories like this annoy me because it paints Orthodox Jews in a bad light. They live a very old life, in modern times, and I’m sure it’s hard, but the hypocrisy is massive. They should admit they made a mistake, give her severance, sell kippot instead of panties, and call it a day.

In the end who cares?  She was offensive to them, they fired her, and that is their right.  Equally as offensive is a Jewish girl hiring Allred and publicly humiliating the owners, and putting the keepers of the traditions of her faith on display in a bad light.  In the end it is sad.

I searched Native Intimates online and ended up ordering a little something so it’s not all bad.  Their name is out there, business will boom, Lauren will pose for Playboy, and the delicate balance of panties and prayers will continue.  I guess boobs are bad when you’re trying to keep the faith.

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May 22, 2012 | 6:16 am

Zuckerberg Ties the Knot but Money Trumps Marriage

Posted by Ilana Angel

Mark Zuckerberg got married.  Mazel Tov.  He is a Jew, she is a Gentile, and so another one bites the dust.  Priscilla Chan is a nice young doctor so that’s a sweet Jewish touch, but we really know nothing about this couple or how their wedding went down.  What we do know for sure is they have been together for nearly a decade, and people are obsessed with their money.

I have read countless articles wondering about a pre-nup agreement between them, but none that ask what kind of cake they had, if they signed a Katuba, or if he changed into a hoodie for the reception.  Zuckerberg is a billionaire, which is lovely, but he is also a young guy, who after almost 10 years married his girlfriend, who happen to be a Harvard educated pediatrician.

From what I can see, she is not a flashy gold digger.  She is a sweet girl, who appears to have been focused on accomplishing something in her life, rather than spending the money of her freakishly brilliant boyfriend.  I’m not a lawyer, and frankly even if I was, I would not be writing articles questioning what their pre-nup looks like should they have one.

While I have no real interest in whether they signed one or not, my romantic heart thinks they did not.  They fell in love as kids with nothing.  She has been with him through his Facebook career and loved him when he had both twenty bucks and twenty billion.  I do not think they entered into this union, after so long, worrying about how to divide the money.

She looks lovely in her wedding photo, but also seemed annoyed that they needed to release a picture at all.  These are private and unpretentious people who lead private and unpretentious lives, who happen to also be very young, very accomplished, and worth a lot of money.  We can speculate all we want about a pre-nup, but can’t we also just be happy for them?

I wish the lovely doctor and her new husband all the best.  Marriage is hard. Even after being together for a decade, marriage is still hard.  I hope they are able to continue to conduct their lives in relative privacy, have a couple of babies, and live happily ever after.  We don’t know anything about them as real people, but I imagine I would like this couple very much.

I’m more curious about what they danced to than how many shares she got. I’m more interested in whether they stomped on a glass and did the Hora, than how many lawyers have an opinion on their finances.  I am more interested in why Mark forced me to put a timeline on my Facebook page when it was perfectly fine without one. 

In the end these kids will spend the rest of their lives fighting for privacy and I hope they get it.  They have taken the plunge and let’s be clear, their struggles will be the same as all of us.  They will have the money stresses of any other newlywed couple, just from a different angle.  In the end who cares?  Be happy, love each other, lose the timeline, and keep the faith.

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May 20, 2012 | 8:43 pm

Could Mother Nature Be a Man?

Posted by Ilana Angel

One would think a woman must have compassion for another woman. Who better to understand cramps and childbirth than a woman?  Even if she’s never had a baby, a woman can imagine the pain in a real way. How is it possible that women are burdened with such pain and misery when a woman, Mother Nature, was in charge of assigning the pain and misery? What the hell was this chick thinking?

There is no real Mother Nature of course, and she is simply a figure of speech, but I’m about done with all the crap that comes with being a woman and so in the interest of this blog, and my needing to vent, we are going to blame her for all of it.  I normally like to blame the Kardashians for all that is wrong in the world, but since they are women they are getting a pass and we will blame Mother Nature instead.

I am forty-six years old and currently have my period. Too much information?  Whatever.  I also happen to have a rather large amount, four to be exact, of pimples on my face which I can assume are due to my period. I have cramps, my boobs hurt, I am bloated, cranky, and constantly on the verge of tears.  Ice cream is a food group and I want to punch the makers of tampon commercials in the face.

Not only am I going to have my period for over 40 years, but when it is over I am going to suffer through menopause as a way to celebrate it finally being done.  I get to squeeze a baby out my vajewjew, provide my miracle with food from my body, then have my boobs relocate to just above my knees. It just seems really unfair to me that women have it so hard and men have it so easy.  Is Mother Nature really a woman?

Is it not possible that it’s really Father Nature?  The things a woman has to go through in comparison to a man makes me question this woman.  The only thing that makes sense is that she made these decisions while she had her period, and was therefore a little crazy.  God gave her a period then told her to assign it to a sex, she was hormonal and decided to curse us all in a moment of rage and could not take it back.

Now this new theory of mine explains the period, but what about menopause, saggy boobs, turkey chins, wrinkles, and our eggs being poached after 35?  Men can have babies until they have one foot in the grave yet women, the ones who actually have babies, have a very short window in terms of getting pregnant.  Men get better with age and women simply get old. Believe me people, Mother Nature was a dude!

It’s the only thing that makes sense really.  Women have to constantly shave hair off their bodies, yet men don’t.  Women have to pluck their eyebrows and wax their upper lips, yet men are hairy apes.  Women have to wear painful shoes in order to look sexy, yet men can wear sneakers with a tuxedo. There is no equality in terms of the pain and suffering of a woman in comparison to a man and it is pissing me off.

I would welcome being a man for one week.  I would walk around playing with myself, burp, fart, never shave, and probably travel to Northern Canada just so I could write my name in the snow with my pee.  I would keep all my clothes on the floor, never put down the toilet seat, and never ask for directions.  I would date women out of my league because I would be a single, Jewish man in my 40’s, which is the Holy Grail.

I simply don’t think men have a clue about how lucky they have it.  They are clearly the weaker sex in terms of pain thresholds, and I wonder if they can understand how easy they have it.  Men should be buying women all kinds of things. “Sorry about your period” diamonds. “Thanks for the baby” cars. This should be happening from men to random women on the street, not just the ones they know.  I want sympathy gifts!

I am hormonal today and so my outburst is not surprising.  That I am giving the Kardashian family a pass is!  I am proud to be a woman, and honored to have given birth to a remarkable human being.  My son will never know how hard being a woman is, but he will have a wife one day and so I will prepare him.  He will know the truth, approach with caution, and keep the faith.

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May 17, 2012 | 8:29 am

Pacquiao vs. Mayweather vs. Gay Marriage

Posted by Ilana Angel

Like millions of people around the world, I have been waiting for the day that Manny and Floyd will get in the ring and have at it.  Proving for once and for all who the better fighter is, but I don’t imagine it will ever happen.  Why fight in the ring and risk humiliation when they can continue to fight outside the ring?  Their not fighting is both pathetic and funny.

The tension between the boys heated up when Pacquiao gave an interview to the National Conservative Examiner where he said he did not believe in gay marriage.  He was misquoted as saying he thought gays should be put to death, which is based on a biblical passage from Leviticus.  The reporter has since said Manny never actually quoted the bible.

If Manny never said it, I’m not sure why the reporter implied he did, but whatever.  Manny wants everyone to know he has a gay relative who can’t help it if he was born that way.  Manny is a religious guy and I’m not attacking him for his opinion, I do think however he never should have shared it.  Does it matter what he thinks about gay marriage?

I love Manny Pacquiao.  He is a brilliant fighter, a hero to many, and a man who has made a difference for many people in the Philippines.  It’s a shame that he felt the need to share this particular opinion and is now forced to defend himself.  For me personally, I support same sex marriage and the rose colored glasses that I view Manny with are now a little foggy.

When it comes to boxing I prefer Manny to Floyd.  I am not a fan of Mayweather as a boxer and am firmly on Team Pacquiao.  That said, when Manny was banned from The Grove shopping center in LA for his view on gay marriage, Floyd tweeted that he was in support of gay marriage and as an American citizen believes people should do what they want.

No matter what I think about Floyd as a boxer, and even though his opinion, whether true or not, was probably shared in an attempt to hurt Manny, I love him for saying it.  I’m not one that puts a lot of meaning into the opinions of celebrities but it’s a shame these two are again fighting outside of the ring because it makes them look silly.

I don’t believe anyone should have to defend their religious beliefs.  I may not agree with Manny, but I do not sit in judgment of his faith.  I may agree with Floyd on this subject, but I do sit in judgment of his timing in sharing his opinion.  I will even go farther and say that once again Floyd has come out looking like a dirty fighter and Manny is being attacked.

I wonder if there will ever be a time when these two are talked about in the same article in terms of boxing.  Manny does not believe in same sex marriage.  I disagree with him but he is still the greatest boxer in the world. Floyd believes everyone should have the right to be married, and I agree with him, but he is still afraid to get in the ring with Manny.

If you take the boxing out of it, and take the sensitive subject of gay marriage out of it also, these two men are behaving like children.  They dance around each other, throwing verbal jabs, and making the focus of their relationship about everything but boxing.  While it’s somewhat entertaining, it will eventually just get old and boring.

Many and Floyd will also get old and boring.  They need to put aside all the garbage and get back to what is important here.  They are boxers.  Two of the best in the world, and they owe us.  We have watched them, bought into them, and our interest has helped to make them rich.  They need to respect us as fans, stop talking, and get in the ring with each other.

I am willing to bet that a fight between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather will never happen.  It will be one of those epic battles that we all wish for, but never see.  It’s a shame because we would respect them more for fighting and losing than never fighting at all.  As for gay marriage, I am for it as much as I am for the fight, so I am keeping the faith.

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May 16, 2012 | 7:45 am

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is a Must See

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am not a film critic.  I am however a film lover and see quite a few movies.  I love escaping for a couple of hours into another world and getting wrapped up in a story.  I can think of a few good movies I’ve seen recently, but none that I felt the need to write about here, until now.  The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel is perfection.

I really loved this movie.  Really, really, really, loved it. It is about a group of English people who, for various reasons, decide to move to India to live in the Marigold Hotel, which is not what they expected.  I saw it on Mother’s Day with my son and the Englishman.  We were the youngest people in the audience, and we’re old.

This is a movie that features mostly mature characters, but it is not a movie only for old people.  It is about love, loss, hope, and new beginnings. It will make you laugh out loud, and sob like a baby.  It will make you either want to move to India, or take it off your bucket list.  It will inspire you to live your life, not watch it pass by.

The cast is divine and each performance is award worthy.  The main characters are played by Judy Dench, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Nighy, Penelope Wilton, Maggie Smith, Ronald Pickup, Celia Imrie, and Dev Patel.  I fell in love with each one of them and left feeling like I knew them and had been with them in India.  I left feeling grateful for my life, but wanting it to be more.

I highly recommend this movie and think I may go see it again because it was so good I want to make sure I didn’t miss anything.  I forgot I was watching actors.  They became real people and I was quickly invested in all of them. I don’t imagine I will ever move to India, but I am certain I will live my live out loud.  I want to embrace getting older.

It is scary to get old.  We must worry about our health, how we will manage financially, and what kind of relationship we will have with our adult children.  This wonderful movie inspires me to live the second half of my life with no fear, an open mind, a close relationship with my son, the Englishman by my side, and time spent keeping the faith.

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May 15, 2012 | 7:05 am

Love Looks Jewish to Me

Posted by Ilana Angel

I like to set up my friends.  By friends of course I mean I will set up anyone.  I come across a lot of single people during my daily travels and if someone is open to a fix up, I’m all over it.  I will add them to my running list of possible set ups and hope I make a match.   I happen to know a lot of Jewish people, and am one myself, so it turns out I spend a lot of time setting up Jews and let me just say, OY VEY!

This past week I met three fabulous women.  One is married, and claims to have met her husband on JDate.  We all know it is an urban myth that people get married after meeting on JDate, but she is so cute I’m not going to call her out on the huge lie.  Important to note that I met my Englishman on JDate, which is very upsetting.  I’m going to owe JDate a huge apology if it lasts because I’ve been bashing them forever.

I feel like I dated a million JDaters.  It was an endless rollercoaster ride of Jewish freaks and it was exhausting.  The Englishman found me, and I actually hesitated going out with him for a couple of reasons, but in an attempt to think outside the box I agreed to lunch and now here I am, falling in love with a man I was searching for.  Did JDate work for me?  I may choke on my own words, and my own vomit.

The two single women are Jewish and fabulous.  These ladies are successful, attractive, funny, and looking for love.  They are both tall, work in entertainment, and would like to meet someone special to share their lives with.  I’m not sure if “share their lives” involves getting married, having kids, or just getting laid on a regular basis, but that’s not the point. The point is they are actively looking for love.

They would both like to meet Jewish men, but are open to dating men who are of another faith.  It’s interesting to me that so many Jewish women are open to dating outside our faith.  I had a big Jewish wedding, have a delicious child, and have always dated Jewish, but I wonder if my choices would be different if I had never been married and had no kids.  Would I date a man of another religion then?

Is there an age for women when we start to let go of the things we thought were important in a partner in order to increase our options?  If it does not work out with my Englishman will I consider dating outside my faith?  Is he my last shot at a Jew because I’m simply too tired to keep swimming in the JPool?  Important to note my Englishman might be my great love so I speak of him here only as a point of reference.

When I met the two single Jewish ladies, and offered to set them up, they were both into it immediately.  I then met a single man who is a friend of the Englishman and thought he might be a good match for one of the women.  I asked him if he was open to a fix up, but he was not.  He said he was not really looking and that should he want to date again, he might want to try a non-Jew as he was married to a Jew and it did not work out.

That made me sad.  I am 46 years old with no plans for more kids, and my desire for a partner stronger than my desire for a husband, so I would give up on a lot of things in terms of my search for love but faith is not one of them.  I want to be with someone Jewish because it makes me feel safe and I am not giving that up.  I don’t care about a man’s money, looks, or job.  I do care that he has a Jewish worldview and sensibility.  It matters to me.

Setting up women is easy because they are open to it.  Setting up men is impossible because they are noncommittal to something as simple as a cup of coffee.  If you are a Jewish man who wants to be set up, let me know.  If you are a Jewish woman who wants to be set up with a Jewish man, good luck! At the end of the day I am happy to be off the rollercoaster and grateful for my funny, charming, handsome, and Jewish Englishman.

There are millions of people on JDate looking to meet Jews so whether people admit it or not, there are still Jews who want to marry Jews. They are not looking there by accident.  There are also many non-Jews on JDate, which proves Jews are desirable and a catch.  Jewish chicks need to pay attention to the women outside our faith because they want “our” men. We must start wanting them too!  Jewish men rock, and faith matters.

I know a lot of interfaith couples.  They are happy, and religion is not an issue for them, but in all of those relationships being Jewish is something nice that the Jewish side does.  It’s not about practicing the religion as much as it about keeping some of the traditions alive.  It works for them, but I can’t help but wonder if on some level they settled, on both sides, when it comes to faith. Not just for the Jew, but for the other faith too.  Do you give up a piece of yourself when you marry a different faith?

I have been searching for love for a long time.  I have found things along the way that I thought were love, but I was mistaken and had my heart broken. My heart has only ever been broken by Jewish men as that is how I role. One could argue I need to date men who are not Jewish in order to break that pattern.  I understand that logic.  If the same thing keeps happening, try something else to get a different result.

I have learned over the past few months that my search for love was not about searching for a different type of man, but rather about becoming a different type of dater.  I let my guard down, opened my mind, embraced the possibilities, and by doing so found a Jew who just happens to be a different kind of man.  Whether we grow old together or not, I have seen what is possible by changing myself, not changing what I wanted.

Love is elusive.  Dear Lord, finding a man that did not make me sick long enough to squeeze out a second date was hard.  The key to finding someone is by altering how you view yourself, not giving up on things that are important to you.  I’m not an expert, but I have been searching for a long time and seem to have finally figured it out.  I’m not sure why it took me so long to get to this place but I could not be happier to be here now.

I am going to set up the two lovely women that I met.  They are fabulous, and they are open, so their time is coming.  I don’t know if they will end up with Jewish men or not, but they will end up with love and that love will look the way they want it to.  I have found love and he is Jewish because that is how love looks to me.  It is how I view myself, how I view my partner, and it is with that clarity that I am keeping the faith.

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May 13, 2012 | 6:58 am

My Mother, My Son, Myself – Happy Mother’s Day

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am sad to be away from my mother on Mother’s Day.  I’ve been thinking back and I don’t believe I have been with my mom on Mother’s Day for 20 years, which seems so wrong.  We talk of course, but it’s not the same thing.  Ever since I became a mother myself, we have had three conversations every Mother’s Day.

I will call her to tell her I love her.  When we have chatted about anything and everything, we hang up and she immediately calls me to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.  We manage to find new things to talk about, which is always lovely.  It is important to her that we both call, which I love, so she always calls right back.

At the end of the day we chat again about our day.  These three calls make me happy, but as I sit home on this Mother’s Day, I regret I did not fly home to surprise my Mom.  I love her very much and one of the true blessings of my being a mother, is that I understand how she loves me by how much I love my own child.

My son loves me in a way that I can really feel.  We are very close and I am fortunate that he is my friend in addition to my child.  Yesterday he was involved in a bad car accident and so this morning I woke up feeling grateful for Mother’s Day.  I sat and watched my son sleeping and was overcome with emotion.

He was going to meet some friends when he was involved in a hit and run. Someone sideswiped his car and took off.  My son was left alone, scared and nervous, because the person who hit him did not have the decency to stop and make sure he was okay.  I don’t understand how you can hit a car and not stop.

When I got to my son he was shaken up, crying, and hugged me as if he was a little boy.  I held onto him tightly and kicked into Super Mom.  We called the police and the insurance company to file reports, and I poked and prodded until I was certain he was physically okay. Three hours after the accident, we were back home.

He went to take a shower as I stood in my kitchen and cried.  This young man is the reason my heart beats and the accident was scary.  I was strong and supportive, but the second he was in the shower I broke down.  I cried tears of relief he was ok, and tears of fear that I will worry about him for the rest of my life.

I am a good mother.  By good of course I mean brilliant.  I was raised by a wonderful mother and am blessed to be able to give my child the love and lessons my mother gave me.  There is a thread that connects my mother, my son, and myself.  It is strong and allows us to see, feel, and understand the love we share.

I am about to have my first call of the day with my mom and I am excited. Soon my son will wake up and I am going to try really hard to not burst into tears when he comes to wish me a Happy Mother’s Day.  When my son calls my mother to thank her for being such a great mom, I will see the thread and be grateful.

Happy Mother’s Day.  My hope is that all of us are able to see the thread that connects us, and marvel at its strength.  Not only at how it ties together our own families, but also how it binds us to each other.  We are mothers and that makes us all the same, regardless of race, religion or location.  We are the same.

If you are with your mom, lost your mom, are a first time mom, or a seasoned professional, enjoy your day.  If you are a step-mom, a mother-in-law, or the mother to your pets, it’s your day too.  Celebrate the blessings in your life. I see the thread, I am honored to share it, and I am fiercely protective of it and all it means.

To the mother of my Englishman, you did a wonderful job and I am grateful for you today.  To my sisters and sister-in-law, you are my heroes and I love you.  To the step-mother of my son, you have loved my child as if he were your own and while I have struggled with that, I have always been thankful.

To my mother, I love you.  To my son, I love you.  To all mothers, I am sending you prayers for health and happiness.  To the person who felt it was okay to endanger the life of my child, and was too much of a coward to make sure he was okay, I am one pissed off mother and karma is a bitch, so you better be keeping the faith.

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May 10, 2012 | 8:23 am

Birds + Joaquin Phoenix = Weird Dreams

Posted by Ilana Angel

I rarely dream.  I suppose it’s possible I do and just don’t remember them, but either way, dreams are not really my thing.  Could be because I’m not a great sleeper. All I know for sure is that when I actually remember a dream it freaks me out.  I am certain it means something and is a message of some kind.  Over the past two nights my dreams have been very vivid.

I tried to research what the dreams meant online but I got conflicting stories.  Turns out reading about dreams and ailments online is bad.  I am sharing because maybe one of my readers interprets dreams.  If you have any idea what mine mean, please let me know.  By let me know of course I mean unless it’s a sign of something bad, in which case I don’t want to know.

On Tuesday night I dreamt that my foot hurt.  It does in fact hurt, so that was not the strange part.  There was a golf ball sized mass in my left foot.  I was sitting on my couch and I was rubbing my foot when a beak popped out of the skin and a red bird came out.  It had a little face that was very expressive and looked at me with scared but mocking eyes. It was crazy.

I was not bleeding, and I think the foot actually closed up as soon as the bird came out, but I was chasing around the bird trying to kill it.  That makes no sense because I am a vegetarian, and an animal lover, and I would never kill a bird, but there I was, chasing it around trying to kill it.  It was not screaming like a bird would, but rather laughing like a cartoon.

I woke up as I was trying to catch it and kill it so I’m not sure if I ever managed to get it, but it was weird. Writing about it now I am not sure if it was a scary dream of not.  I’m not scared thinking about it, and don’t think I was scared by it, but again I don’t remember the emotions of the dream, just the little bird and the fact that he came out of my foot.

Last night I dreamt about Joaquin Phoenix.  Important to note that I love with him so on a lot of levels it makes perfect sense I would dream about him, but this was strange.  I could swear we were actually together, that’s how real it felt.  He was gorgeous, and lovely, and if I saw him on the street I would approach him as if he were an old friend because of this dream.

In the dream we met in a hallway.  He was playing a guitar and singing.  I watched him, unaware of who it was.  He looked up and I realized it was Joaquin.  I told him it was hard to look at him and not see Johnny Cash.  He said he understood, and we started to talk.  He was very soft spoken and his eyes looked at me as if he was seeing me from the inside out.

I asked if I could take a picture with him, but when I pulled out my phone, it would not work.  I was frustrated and he said he would wait.  He stood there while I tried to get the camera to work, but it never did.  He then turned to walk away, the doors to the hallway opened, and there was a red carpet with paparazzi waiting to take his picture.  He went off and that was it.

I woke up then so I’m not sure what would have happened had I kept sleeping, but I’m guessing it would have included some making out, an engagement ring, a beautiful wedding, and happily ever after.  Could it be that my dream is a premonition about meeting Mr. Phoenix and our falling in love?  That’s the interpretation we are going to hold onto today.

I believe that dreams have meaning, unless it’s a meaning that freaks me out, in which case I think they mean nothing.  For example, if dreaming of a bird coming out of your foot means you are going to win the lottery, then I’m in. If it means a bird will crap on your head and you will die alone with 18 cats, then I’m not buying it.  I am curious however, about these two dreams.

They really did feel real, which is fascinating.  My son dreams on occasion but can rarely remember them.  My Englishman dreams often and remembers them all. Interestingly enough he watched Gladiator last night and when we chatted this morning he mentioned Joaquin Phoenix, which was just weird. We were not together yesterday yet we both had him in our thoughts.

I will spend moments of my day thinking a bird may crap on my head, and will look at people around me should Joaquin happen to be walking past.  This is LA after all so it would not be an impossible happening.  If you are reading and know what my dreams mean, please let me know.  I am open to the interpretations, but also scared, and therefore keeping the faith.

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