Posted by Ilana Angel
Why is it that when you are single you cannot find a decent guy to date, but when you are in a relationship, men are not only everywhere, but they are interested in you? I have been dating the Englishman for almost 7 months and I have never had so many men ask me out. Very strange.
When I was out running errands yesterday, a man asked me if we knew each other. He looked a little familiar, but I think it was probably from a fantasy of mine, not because we knew each other. He was a very handsome man with an easy smile and curly grey hair. For a minute I fluttered.
We chatted for a couple of minutes while he tried to figure out how we new each other. By figure out of course I mean his ploy to keep a conversation going was both pathetic and admirable. He finally gave up on the charade and asked me if he could take me out for dinner sometime.
I thanked him for the invitation and told him I was dating someone. He blushed a little and said it was to be expected, which made me laugh. Once the pressure of asking me out was gone, we had an interesting conversation about how hard it was to date when you are older.
He is 54, divorced with grown kids, and has been on his own for just over a year. He has absolutely no game, but his attractiveness certainly helps him out. His ex-wife just remarried and he is feeling vulnerable, like a bit of a loser, and unsure why he is having such a hard time.
He told me that when he was married, women hit on him all the time, but since being single women don’t seem to be that into him. Our bodies give out a signal when we are available that is clearly some kind of a repellant, and we smell delicious when we are in a relationship.
I can remember dating men who made me want to vomit, and men who actually did vomit, and thinking I was going to die alone in line at the animal shelter getting another cat. There are a lot of freaks out there but there are also decent and kind people.
Turns out dating is not about luck or fate, as much as it is about smell. We can give off a smell of contentment or desperation, so we need to be careful. I am in love and giving off a smell of happiness, which men are attracted to that. Happiness smells better than bitterness.
I was alone for a long time and having found someone whose company I enjoy is really wonderful. When a man hits on me now it makes me proud and happy. Proud that I smell like happiness not desperation, and happy that I don’t need to play the dating game any longer.
To be clear, even though I am in a serious and committed relationship with the Englishman, it is still a game. I am navigating the choppy waters of love and it is hard, but there is comfort in knowing who I am dealing with. When you date someone new, there is a lot of unknown.
I know exactly what I am dealing with in my relationship because there are no surprises or skeletons at this point. Important to note that last sentence is complete crap. There are no guarantees in any relationship but time is making us stronger, and our fear weaker.
The only thing that matters is that I am in love and I stink of happiness. I believe we have the power to change the scent we give off, and so I hope those who are alone and looking are able to make themselves stink, so they find love. Think positive, and keep the faith.
5.23.13 at 3:17 pm | Dating, divorce, death, and marriage, all require. . .
5.22.13 at 6:34 am | I am forever touched by this young man.
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date.
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass.
5.11.13 at 12:44 pm | My Mom gets the day off because this one is on me.
5.17.13 at 5:27 pm | I am never going on another coffee date. (394)
5.14.13 at 4:36 pm | Love needs a kick in the ass. (347)
5.19.13 at 5:43 pm | JDate should be more of a mensch. (334)
September 27, 2012 | 11:37 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The high holidays this year marked my first Jewish holiday experience with the Englishman. It was a little stressful for me because I have a clear view of who I am in terms of my faith, but how he rolled though the festivities was unknown to me. He is Jewish of course, but were our levels of Judaism going to mesh through the most important days of our faith?
Religion is a tricky subject, and even though I only date Jewish men, it has still proven to be somewhat complicated throughout my romantic history. I have dated men who thought I was not Jewish enough, and others who felt I was simply too religious. I always thought it would be easier if I was with a Jew, but it turns out that is not always how it works.
My last boyfriend could recite Torah and I thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. My boyfriend before that would listen to me read Torah, and it was the sexiest thing in the world. The Englishman cannot recite Torah, does not want to listen to me reading Torah, and he is the sexiest thing in the world. We are very different Jews, and it is okay.
As I sat in temple on Yom Kippur with the Englishman, his youngest daughter, and my son, I felt Jewish enough. In the past I have strived to be more Jewish, or dumbed it down to be less Jewish, but with the Englishman, I am simply Jewish. I don’t need to explain myself, I just need to be myself. He does not judge how I practice my faith, he just let’s me be.
We are very different in terms of our faith. In fact, we could not be further apart in terms of our relationships with religion and God, but at the core of who we are, we are Jewish. For the first time in all of my romantic relationship life, being Jewish is enough. I was trying to figure out what it all means and in the end I think this is what love is.
I over think my relationship. I love him and know he loves me, but I wonder if love is enough. There are things in our relationship that are not perfect, but is that not true of all relationships? One could argue the things I think are not perfect are being blown out of proportion in order for me to sabotage it all. Or perhaps, it is just a real relationship.
It gives me tremendous comfort to have reached this place of enlightenment at services. The Rabbi asked us to turn to someone in temple and tell them about someone that had passed away and was important to us, in order to keep their memory alive. I started to cry and turned to my son to share how much my Dad loved him, and how proud he would be of all he is doing.
We had a lovely moment remembering my dad. I then turned to my Englishman and heard him speak of his beloved step-mom Sheila to his little girl. He then turned to me and told me that Sheila and my Dad were watching over us and probably had a hand in our finding each other. I felt true love for this man, and knew my Dad would have loved him too.
My father was an Englishman, and these two men share the same sense of humor. I find I lean on my Englishman in the same way I used to lean on my father. He is a calm voice of reason and I know he has my back and will always protect me. Not only me, but my son also. They are very close and it is something special. They love each other.
We are building a life together and it is scary, weird, uncomfortable, exciting, and lovely. I often try to define what kind of Jew I am, but he makes me feel Jewish enough. By Jewish enough, of course I mean simply Jewish. Our faith is the same and how we worship, while not exactly the same, is Jewish. Could this be what it is to find your Beshert?
If I can be the woman I am in front of God, in front of him, is that a soul mate? If I can worship without fear of judgment or criticism, is that love? If I can feel safe in my faith and open to seeing a different view, does that make God happy? I had a wonderful holiday and I learned a lot. It turns out being Jewish enough is the easiest way to keep the faith.