Posted by Ilana Angel
Just when I think my dating life cannot get any stranger, it does. I have been chronicling my dating life for four years. In that time I have had the most horrific dates ever, along with a long term relationship, and I shared it all. From the man who arrived to our date drunk and threw up on my boots, to the man whose wife came in during our date to ask what was happening, I have written about it.
We have laughed and cried at how truly difficult dating can be, and the only reason I have not thrown in the towel and opened a cat sanctuary, is because your stories are just as bad as mine and I know I am not alone. No matter how old you are, what size you are, what city you live in, or how much you date, when you put yourself out there, there are going to be stories to tell because dating is unpredictable.
I recently got an email from a man online who seemed lovely. He was a little goofy, quite funny, and he wrote me an email that referenced what I wrote in my profile, so I new he actually read it. We emailed back and forth 2 times, then exchanged numbers. He is 51, divorced with adult children, works in finance, is 5’10”, and has a kind face. Our exchanges were funny and sweet, then he asked me out for a drink, so we made plans to meet after the holidays. He called to wish me an easy fast, and we touched base yesterday to make plans for the coming weekend.
Last night my son went out with friends so I decided to run some errands. I went to Starbucks to get an iced tea, went to put gas in my car, then I stopped by Whole Foods to get some dinner. As I was standing in line to pay for my salmon, I notice the guy I’ve been telling you about in line two cashiers over. He is holding flowers and a bottle of wine. I’m curious so I give him a call on his cell thinking it will be cute that I’m calling from the same place he is. I call, it rings, he sees who is calling, ignores the call, and puts his phone away. Not good.
I am now trying to hide because I am embarrassed. I’m looking away and trying to get out of there quickly. I am paying for my fish, look up as I am about to make my great escape, and as I glance up, he is at the front of his line, kissing a woman. Not a peck on the cheek, but a full on kiss my woman kiss. I’m not sure I would have been as brave had I not been having such a great hair day, but I was disgusted enough to walk over to him and say hello. I wish I had taken a picture of his reaction because it was awesome.
He said hello as the woman he was with waited to see who I was. I wait to see if he would say anything, but he didn’t. I decide to not let him off the hook so easily, so I introduce myself and say hello, I’m Ilana. She says hello and introduces herself, telling me she reads my column and thinks I am hilarious. I thank her, tell how her I appreciate it, she mentions a couple of her favorite blogs, I laugh, she turns to the man says, Honey, this is the writer I told you about with the blog. Honey? He is now a bit panicked and I am waiting to see what he is going to say.
It would appear she has forgotten I came over to say hello to him, and that we know each other. As he struggles with what to say, she remembers that I came over, and says, Wait, how do you guys know each other? He jumps into action and says we met in temple on Yom Kippur. Really? We are going to use the High Holidays as an out? I start laughing, he starts laughing to make it look like it is funny how we met, not funny that he is a liar. I then take the opportunity to ask her a burning question. I say, how long have you two been together?
She tells me they met on JDate and have been dating for a couple of months. She also tells me I need to give JDate some time becuase I will meet someone great too. I was going to tell him he should probably take his profile down, but I guess this blog will do the trick. He called me this morning but I didn’t answer, and he didn’t leave a message. The dumbass didn’t even wait 24 hours from the end of Yom Kippur to start building a list of things to atone for next year.
I feel bad for this girl, but maybe they are not exclusive and dating openly. I don’t know their situation and in the end it is none of my business. I am not writing to hurt her, or him for that matter, only to share that this sort of thing happens. Dating is difficult. Dating when you chronicle your dating life makes it harder, but entertaining. I have to laugh because at the end of the day it is funny. It was using Yom Kippur as his lie that grossed me out and made me write about it.
Men like this make me stronger, and clearer on who I hope to meet. They also make me want to give up sometimes, but those feelings pass quickly and hope trumps dispair. Dating can break us, but we must stay strong, not settle, and when we meet an ass, laugh it off. We are going to kiss a bunch of frogs, but if we are lucky we will be able to avoid the assholes. We are all in this together girls, and love will be found if we keep the faith.
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
11.29.13 at 1:56 pm | My nest will never empty as my son will always be. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (418)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (256)
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . . (248)
September 15, 2013 | 3:14 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have loved Russell Brand for a long time. I think he is funny, smart, wise, deep, spiritual, and oddly attractive. He is a bad boy, which is both sexy and intimidating. In the interest of full disclosure, if I could have dinner with any celebrity, he would be my choice. Furthermore, if I were to be stuck on a dessert island, or have a wild night of sex with a celebrity, he would be my choice. I only share this to give you an idea of how fabulous I think he is. Today I not only have a crush on him, but I think he is a hero.
On Tuesday night Mr. Brand was accepting an award from GQ Magazine at their Man of the Year Awards. The sponsor of the event was design house Hugo Boss. During his speech, Brand pointed out Hugo Boss made uniforms for the Nazi Party. He said in part: “If anyone knows a bit about history and fashion, you know it was Hugo Boss who made uniforms for the Nazis. But they looked fucking fantastic, let’s face it, while they were killing people on the basis of their religion and sexuality.’
When his speech was over Brand was kicked out of the party by GQ editor Dylan James. Apparently Mr. James told Brand what he said was offensive to Hugo Boss. Brand apparently shot back by saying what Hugo Boss did was very offensive to Jews. I am proud of Brand for what he said and while I understand it was not appreciated by the people at GQ or Hugo Boss, especially after Boss paid 250K to sponsor the event, I thought it was brave of my boyfriend.
As a bit of a history lesson, after World War II Hugo Boss was labeled a Nazi supporter. Important to note that he did not actually design anything for the Nazi party, only manufactured the uniforms. Boss served in World War I and opened his first clothing factory in 1924. That factory produced shirts for the National Socialist Party, which became known as the Nazis. He also made uniforms for the post office and the police, but in 1931 he actually joined the Nazi party.
Two years later, in 1933, Hugo Boss advertised that he was not only making clothes for the SS, but for the Hitler Youth, and the “Brownshirts”, which was part of the Nazi Party. The factory was known as having horrible working conditions and employed prisoners of war. There are stories from people who worked there telling harrowing tales of their time with him. While there are also stories that imply he had a compassionate heart, bad outweighed good.
Boss eventually had his status changed from "active" to "follower". He was fined, lost his right to vote, and was not permitted to ever run another business. Boss died in 1948 and though his was name tarnished, it did not stop his business, which is still successful today. Brand may not have been accurate in how he linked Boss to the Nazis, but in the end the subtle differences are not that subtle. The fact is Hugo Boss was a Nazi and got rich off of the Nazi Party.
What Brand said forces a dialogue and offers an opportunity for people to learn. What he said should not have resulted in him being kicked out of the party. Important to note that if you know ANYTHING about Russell Brand, you know he is going to say something that may possibly offend. Whoever decided to give him an award, live mic, and aim a camera at him should have known better. Don’t want surprises? Don’t invite Mr. Brand.
Brand's goal may not have been to garner respect from anyone, but he got mine. In a world where Jews are targeted with hate often, myself included, for someone to stand up and remind the world of the atrocities of Nazi Germany, matters. It matters not only as a Jew, but as a mother who wants a better world for my child. Thank you Russell. By thank you of course I mean if you ever want to have dinner, call me. I’ll be right here, keeping the faith.
September 13, 2013 | 1:56 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Tonight marks the beginning of Yom Kippur. Though I speak to God every single day, Yom Kippur is special because when every Jew prays at the same time it is a chorus being sent to God and that matters. I hope we are all inscribed in the Book of Life and have a year of health and happiness. May you have an easy fast.
I believe that if God leads you to it, he will lead you through it, and I pray your path is an easy one. If not, know you are not travelling alone. I pray we all have health and happiness this year and always. Thank you for being here with me. I appreciate you. God bless and keep the faith.
September 11, 2013 | 6:28 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
On 9/11, 2001, 2,819 people were killed during the attacks on America. We must never forget what happened. These are the names of the people who died on that horrible day. Remember. Pray. Keep the faith.
Gordon M. Aamoth, Jr. Edelmiro Abad Maria Rose Abad Andrew Anthony Abate Vincent Abate Laurence Christopher Abel William F. Abrahamson Richard Anthony Aceto Jesus Acevedo Rescand Heinrich Bernhard Ackermann Paul Acquaviva Donald LaRoy Adams Patrick Adams Shannon Lewis Adams Stephen George Adams Ignatius Udo Adanga Christy A. Addamo Terence E. Adderley, Jr. Sophia Buruwad Addo Lee Allan Adler Daniel Thomas Afflitto Emmanuel Akwasi Afuakwah Alok Agarwal Mukul Kumar Agarwala Joseph Agnello David Scott Agnes Brian G. Ahearn Jeremiah Joseph Ahern Joanne Marie Ahladiotis Shabbir Ahmed Terrance Andre Aiken Godwin Ajala Gertrude M. Alagero Andrew Alameno Margaret Ann Alario Gary M. Albero Jon Leslie Albert Peter Alderman Jacquelyn Delaine Aldridge David D. Alger Sarah Ali-Escarcega Ernest Alikakos Edward L. Allegretto Eric Allen Joseph Ryan Allen Richard Dennis Allen Richard Lanard Allen Christopher E. Allingham Janet M. Alonso Arturo Alva-Moreno Anthony Alvarado Antonio Javier Alvarez Victoria Alvarez-Brito Telmo E. Alvear Cesar Amoranto Alviar Tariq Amanullah Angelo Amaranto James M. Amato Joseph Amatuccio Christopher Charles Amoroso Kazuhiro Anai Calixto Anaya, Jr. Joseph Anchundia Kermit Charles Anderson Yvette Constance Anderson John Andreacchio Michael Rourke Andrews Jean Ann Andrucki Siew-Nya Ang Joseph Angelini, Jr. Joseph Angelini, Sr. Laura Angilletta Doreen J. Angrisani Lorraine Antigua Peter Paul Apollo Faustino Apostol, Jr. Frank Thomas Aquilino Patrick Michael Aranyos David Arce Michael George Arczynski Louis Arena Adam P. Arias Michael Armstrong Jack Charles Aron Joshua Aron Richard Avery Aronow Japhet Jesse Aryee Patrick Asante Carl Asaro Michael Asciak Michael Edward Asher Janice Marie Ashley Thomas J. Ashton Manuel O. Asitimbay Gregg Arthur Atlas Gerald T. Atwood James Audiffred Louis Frank Aversano, Jr. Ezra Aviles Sandy Ayala Arlene T. Babakitis Eustace P. Bacchus John J. Badagliacca Jane Ellen Baeszler Robert J. Baierwalter Andrew J. Bailey Brett T. Bailey Tatyana Bakalinskaya Michael S. Baksh Sharon M. Balkcom Michael Andrew Bane Katherine Bantis Gerard Baptiste Walter Baran Gerard A. Barbara Paul Vincent Barbaro James William Barbella Ivan Kyrillos F. Barbosa Victor Daniel Barbosa Colleen Ann Barkow David Michael Barkway Matthew Barnes Sheila Patricia Barnes Evan J. Baron Renee Barrett-Arjune Nathaly Barrios La Cruz Arthur Thaddeus Barry Diane G. Barry Maurice Vincent Barry Scott D. Bart Carlton W. Bartels Guy Barzvi Inna B. Basina Alysia Basmajian Kenneth William Basnicki Steven Bates Paul James Battaglia Walter David Bauer, Jr. Marlyn Capito Bautista Jasper Baxter Michele Beale Paul Frederick Beatini Jane S. Beatty Lawrence Ira Beck Manette Marie Beckles Carl John Bedigian Michael Earnest Beekman Maria A. Behr Yelena Belilovsky Nina Patrice Bell Debbie Bellows Stephen Elliot Belson Paul M. Benedetti Denise Lenore Benedetto Maria Bengochea Bryan Craig Bennett Eric L. Bennett Oliver Duncan Bennett Margaret L. Benson Dominick J. Berardi James Patrick Berger Steven Howard Berger John P. Bergin Alvin Bergsohn Daniel Bergstein Michael J. Berkeley Donna M. Bernaerts David W. Bernard William Bernstein David M. Berray David S. Berry Joseph J. Berry William Reed Bethke Timothy Betterly Edward Frank Beyea Paul Beyer Anil Tahilram Bharvaney Bella J. Bhukhan Shimmy D. Biegeleisen Peter Alexander Bielfeld William G. Biggart Brian Bilcher Carl Vincent Bini Gary Eugene Bird Joshua David Birnbaum George John Bishop Jeffrey Donald Bittner Albert Balewa Blackman, Jr. Christopher Joseph Blackwell Susan Leigh Blair Harry Blanding, Jr. Janice Lee Blaney Craig Michael Blass Rita Blau Richard Middleton Blood, Jr. Michael Andrew Boccardi John P. Bocchi Michael Leopoldo Bocchino Susan M. Bochino Bruce D. Boehm Mary Catherine Boffa Nicholas Andrew Bogdan Darren Christopher Bohan Lawrence Francis Boisseau Vincent M. Boland, Jr. Alan Bondarenko Andre Bonheur, Jr. Colin Arthur Bonnett Frank Bonomo Yvonne Lucia Bonomo Genieve Bonsignore, 3 Seaon Booker Sherry Ann Bordeaux Krystine Bordenabe Martin Boryczewski Richard Edward Bosco John H. Boulton Francisco Eligio Bourdier Thomas Harold Bowden, Jr. Kimberly S. Bowers Veronique Nicole Bowers Larry Bowman Shawn Edward Bowman, Jr. Kevin L. Bowser Gary R. Box Gennady Boyarsky Pamela Boyce Michael Boyle Alfred Braca Kevin Bracken David Brian Brady Alexander Braginsky Nicholas W. Brandemarti Michelle Renee Bratton Patrice Braut Lydia E. Bravo Ronald Michael Breitweiser Edward A. Brennan III Francis Henry Brennan Michael E. Brennan Peter Brennan Thomas M. Brennan Daniel J. Brethel Gary Lee Bright Jonathan Briley Mark A. Brisman Paul Gary Bristow Mark Francis Broderick Herman Charles Broghammer Keith A. Broomfield Ethel Brown Janice Juloise Brown Lloyd Stanford Brown Patrick J. Brown Bettina Browne Mark Bruce Richard George Bruehert Andrew Brunn Vincent Brunton Ronald Paul Bucca Brandon J. Buchanan Gregory Joseph Buck Dennis Buckley Nancy Clare Bueche Patrick Joseph Buhse John Edwards Bulaga, Jr. Stephen Bunin Matthew J. Burke Thomas Daniel Burke William Francis Burke, Jr. Donald J. Burns Kathleen Anne Burns Keith James Burns John Patrick Burnside Irina Buslo Milton G. Bustillo Thomas M. Butler Patrick Byrne Timothy G. Byrne Jesus Neptali Cabezas Lillian Caceres Brian Joseph Cachia Steven Dennis Cafiero, Jr. Richard M. Caggiano Cecile Marella Caguicla Michael John Cahill Scott Walter Cahill Thomas Joseph Cahill George Cain Salvatore B. Calabro Joseph Calandrillo Philip V. Calcagno Edward Calderon Kenneth Marcus Caldwell Dominick Enrico Calia Felix Calixte Frank Callahan Liam Callahan Luigi Calvi Roko Camaj Michael F. Cammarata David Otey Campbell Geoffrey Thomas Campbell Jill Marie Campbell Robert Arthur Campbell Sandra Patricia Campbell Sean Thomas Canavan John A. Candela Vincent Cangelosi Stephen J. Cangialosi Lisa Bella Cannava Brian Cannizzaro Michael Canty Louis Anthony Caporicci Jonathan Neff Cappello James Christopher Cappers Richard Michael Caproni Jose Manuel Cardona Dennis M. Carey Steve Carey Edward Carlino Michael Scott Carlo David G. Carlone Rosemarie C. Carlson Mark Stephen Carney Joyce Ann Carpeneto Ivhan Luis Carpio Bautista Jeremy M. Carrington Michael Carroll Peter Carroll James Joseph Carson, Jr. Marcia Cecil Carter James Marcel Cartier Vivian Casalduc John Francis Casazza Paul R. Cascio Margarito Casillas Thomas Anthony Casoria William Otto Caspar Alejandro Castano Arcelia Castillo Germaan Castillo Garcia Leonard M. Castrianno Jose Ramon Castro Richard G. Catarelli Christopher Sean Caton Robert John Caufield Mary Teresa Caulfield Judson Cavalier Michael Joseph Cawley Jason David Cayne Juan Armando Ceballos Jason Michael Cefalu Thomas Joseph Celic Ana Mercedes Centeno Joni Cesta Jeffrey Marc Chairnoff Swarna Chalasani William Chalcoff Eli Chalouh Charles Lawrence Chan Mandy Chang Mark Lawrence Charette Gregorio Manuel Chavez Delrose E. Cheatham Pedro Francisco Checo Douglas MacMillan Cherry Stephen Patrick Cherry Vernon Paul Cherry Nester Julio Chevalier Swede Chevalier Alexander H. Chiang Dorothy J. Chiarchiaro Luis Alfonso Chimbo Robert Chin Wing Wai Ching Nicholas Paul Chiofalo John Chipura Peter A. Chirchirillo Catherine Chirls Kyung Hee Cho Abul K. Chowdhury Mohammad Salahuddin Chowdhury Kirsten L. Christophe Pamela Chu Steven Chucknick Wai Chung Christopher Ciafardini Alex F. Ciccone Frances Ann Cilente Elaine Cillo Edna Cintron Nestor Andre Cintron III Robert Dominick Cirri Juan Pablo Cisneros-Alvarez Benjamin Keefe Clark Eugene Clark Gregory Alan Clark Mannie Leroy Clark Thomas R. Clark Christopher Robert Clarke Donna Marie Clarke Michael J. Clarke Suria Rachel Emma Clarke Kevin Francis Cleary James D. Cleere Geoffrey W. Cloud Susan Marie Clyne Steven Coakley Jeffrey Alan Coale Patricia A. Cody Daniel Michael Coffey Jason M. Coffey Florence G. Cohen Kevin Sanford Cohen Anthony Joseph Coladonato Mark Joseph Colaio Stephen Colaio Christopher M. Colasanti Kevin Nathaniel Colbert Michel P. Colbert Keith E. Coleman Scott Thomas Coleman Tarel Coleman Liam Joseph Colhoun Robert D. Colin Robert J. Coll Jean Collin John Michael Collins Michael L. Collins Thomas J. Collins Joseph Collison Patricia Malia Colodner Linda M. Colon Sol E. Colon Ronald Edward Comer Sandra Jolane Conaty Brace Jaime Concepcion Albert Conde Denease Conley Susan P. Conlon Margaret Mary Conner Cynthia Marie Lise Connolly John E. Connolly, Jr. James Lee Connor Jonathan M. Connors Kevin Patrick Connors Kevin F. Conroy Jose Manuel Contreras-Fernandez Brenda E. Conway Dennis Michael Cook Helen D. Cook John A. Cooper Joseph John Coppo, Jr. Gerard J. Coppola Joseph Albert Corbett Alejandro Cordero Robert Cordice Ruben D. Correa Danny A. Correa-Gutierrez James J. Corrigan Carlos Cortes Kevin Cosgrove Dolores Marie Costa Digna Alexandra Costanza Charles Gregory Costello, Jr. Michael S. Costello Conrod K. Cottoy Martin John Coughlan John Gerard Coughlin Timothy J. Coughlin James E. Cove Andre Cox Frederick John Cox James Raymond Coyle Michele Coyle-Eulau Anne Marie Cramer Christopher S. Cramer Denise Elizabeth Crant James Leslie Crawford, Jr. Robert James Crawford Joanne Mary Cregan Lucy Crifasi John A. Crisci Daniel Hal Crisman Dennis Cross Kevin Raymond Crotty Thomas G. Crotty John Crowe Welles Remy Crowther Robert L. Cruikshank John Robert Cruz Grace Yu Cua Kenneth John Cubas Francisco Cruz Cubero Richard J. Cudina Neil James Cudmore Thomas Patrick Cullen lll Joyce Cummings Brian Thomas Cummins Michael Cunningham Robert Curatolo Laurence Damian Curia Paul Dario Curioli Beverly Curry Michael S. Curtin Gavin Cushny John D’Allara Vincent Gerard D’Amadeo Jack D’Ambrosi Mary D’Antonio Edward A. D’Atri Michael D. D’Auria Michael Jude D’Esposito Manuel John Da Mota Caleb Arron Dack Carlos S. DaCosta Joao Alberto DaFonseca Aguiar, Jr. Thomas A. Damaskinos Jeannine Marie Damiani-Jones Patrick W. Danahy Nana Danso Vincent Danz Dwight Donald Darcy Elizabeth Ann Darling Annette Andrea Dataram Lawrence Davidson Michael Allen Davidson Scott Matthew Davidson Titus Davidson Niurka Davila Clinton Davis Wayne Terrial Davis Anthony Richard Dawson Calvin Dawson Edward James Day Jayceryll de Chavez Jennifer De Jesus Monique E. De Jesus Nereida De Jesus Emerita De La Pena Azucena Maria de la Torre David Paul De Rubbio Jemal Legesse De Santis Christian Louis De Simone Melanie Louise De Vere William Thomas Dean Robert J. DeAngelis, Jr. Thomas Patrick DeAngelis Tara E. Debek Anna Marjia DeBin James V. Deblase Paul DeCola Simon Marash Dedvukaj Jason Defazio David A. DeFeo Manuel Del Valle, Jr. Donald Arthur Delapenha Vito Joseph DeLeo Danielle Anne Delie Joseph A. Della Pietra Andrea DellaBella Palmina DelliGatti Colleen Ann Deloughery Francis Albert DeMartini Anthony Demas Martin N. DeMeo Francis Deming Carol K. Demitz Kevin Dennis Thomas F. Dennis Jean DePalma Jose Depena Robert John Deraney Michael DeRienzo Edward DeSimone III Andrew Desperito Cindy Ann Deuel Jerry DeVito Robert P. Devitt, Jr. Dennis Lawrence Devlin Gerard Dewan Sulemanali Kassamali Dhanani Patricia Florence Di Chiaro Debra Ann Di Martino Michael Louis Diagostino Matthew Diaz Nancy Diaz Rafael Arturo Diaz Michael A. Diaz-Piedra III Judith Berquis Diaz-Sierra Joseph Dermot Dickey, Jr. Lawrence Patrick Dickinson Michael D. Diehl John Difato Vincent Difazio Carl Anthony DiFranco Donald Difranco Stephen Patrick Dimino William John Dimmling Marisa DiNardo Schorpp Christopher M. Dincuff Jeffrey Mark Dingle Anthony Dionisio George DiPasquale Joseph Dipilato Douglas Frank DiStefano Ramzi A. Doany John Joseph Doherty Melissa C. Doi Brendan Dolan Neil Matthew Dollard James Joseph Domanico Benilda Pascua Domingo Carlos Dominguez Jerome Mark Patrick Dominguez Kevin W. Donnelly Jacqueline Donovan Stephen Scott Dorf Thomas Dowd Kevin Dowdell Mary Yolanda Dowling Raymond Mathew Downey Frank Joseph Doyle Joseph Michael Doyle Stephen Patrick Driscoll Mirna A. Duarte Michelle Beale Duberry Luke A. Dudek Christopher Michael Duffy Gerard Duffy Michael Joseph Duffy Thomas W. Duffy Antoinette Duger Sareve Dukat Christopher Joseph Dunne Richard Anthony Dunstan Patrick Thomas Dwyer Joseph Anthony Eacobacci John Bruce Eagleson Robert Douglas Eaton Dean Phillip Eberling Margaret Ruth Echtermann Paul Robert Eckna Constantine Economos Dennis Michael Edwards Michael Hardy Edwards Christine Egan Lisa Egan Martin J. Egan, Jr. Michael Egan Samantha Martin Egan Carole Eggert Lisa Caren Ehrlich John Ernst Eichler Eric Adam Eisenberg Daphne Ferlinda Elder Michael J. Elferis Mark Joseph Ellis Valerie Silver Ellis Albert Alfy William Elmarry Edgar Hendricks Emery, Jr. Doris Suk-Yuen Eng Christopher Epps Ulf Ramm Ericson Erwin L. Erker William John Erwin Jose Espinal Fanny Espinoza Bridget Ann Esposito Francis Esposito Michael Esposito William Esposito Ruben Esquilin, Jr. Sadie Ette Barbara G. Etzold Eric Brian Evans Robert Evans Meredith Emily June Ewart Catherine K. Fagan Patricia Mary Fagan Keith George Fairben Sandra Fajardo-Smith William F. Fallon William Lawrence Fallon, Jr. Anthony J. Fallone, Jr. Dolores Brigitte Fanelli John Joseph Fanning Kathleen Anne Faragher Thomas Farino Nancy Carole Farley Elizabeth Ann Farmer Douglas Jon Farnum John G. Farrell John W. Farrell Terrence Patrick Farrell Joseph D. Farrelly Thomas Patrick Farrelly Syed Abdul Fatha Christopher Edward Faughnan Wendy R. Faulkner Shannon Marie Fava Bernard D. Favuzza Robert Fazio, Jr. Ronald Carl Fazio William Feehan Francis Jude Feely Garth Erin Feeney Sean B. Fegan Lee S. Fehling Peter Adam Feidelberg Alan D. Feinberg Rosa Maria Feliciano Edward Thomas Fergus, Jr. George Ferguson Henry Fernandez Judy Hazel Fernandez Julio Fernandez Elisa Giselle Ferraina Anne Marie Sallerin Ferreira Robert John Ferris David Francis Ferrugio Louis V. Fersini Michael David Ferugio Bradley James Fetchet Jennifer Louise Fialko Kristen Nicole Fiedel Samuel Fields Michael Bradley Finnegan Timothy J. Finnerty Michael Curtis Fiore Stephen S R Fiorelli, Sr. Paul M. Fiori John B. Fiorito John R. Fischer Andrew Fisher Bennett Lawson Fisher John Roger Fisher Thomas J. Fisher Lucy A. Fishman Ryan D. Fitzgerald Thomas James Fitzpatrick Richard P. Fitzsimons Salvatore Fiumefreddo Christina Donovan Flannery Eileen Flecha Andre G. Fletcher Carl M. Flickinger John Joseph Florio Joseph Walken Flounders David Fodor Michael N. Fodor Stephen Mark Fogel Thomas Foley David J. Fontana Chih Min Foo Godwin Forde Donald A. Foreman Christopher Hugh Forsythe Claudia Alicia Foster Noel John Foster Ana Fosteris Robert Joseph Foti Jeffrey Fox Virginia Fox Pauline Francis Virgin Francis Gary Jay Frank Morton H. Frank Peter Christopher Frank Richard K. Fraser Kevin J. Frawley Clyde Frazier, Jr. Lillian Inez Frederick Andrew Fredricks Tamitha Freeman Brett Owen Freiman Peter L. Freund Arlene Eva Fried Alan Wayne Friedlander Andrew Keith Friedman Gregg J. Froehner Peter Christian Fry Clement Lisa Frost A. Fumando Steven Elliot Furman Paul Furmato Fredric Neal Gabler Richard Samuel Federick Gabrielle James Andrew Gadiel Pamela Lee Gaff Ervin Vincent Gailliard Deanna Lynn Galante Grace Catherine Galante Anthony Edward Gallagher Daniel James Gallagher John Patrick Gallagher Lourdes Galletti Cono E. Gallo Vincenzo Gallucci Thomas E. Galvin Giovanna Galletta Gambale Thomas Gambino, Jr. Giann Franco Gamboa Peter Ganci Ladkat K. Ganesh Claude Michael Gann Osseni Garba Charles William Garbarini Ceasar Garcia David Garcia Juan Garcia Marlyn Del Carmen Garcia Christopher S. Gardner Douglas Benjamin Gardner Harvey J. Gardner III Jeffrey Brian Gardner Thomas Gardner William Arthur Gardner Francesco Garfi Rocco Nino Gargano James M. Gartenberg Matthew David Garvey Bruce Gary Boyd Alan Gatton Donald Richard Gavagan, Jr. Terence D. Gazzani Gary Geidel Paul Hamilton Geier Julie M. Geis Peter G. Gelinas Steven Paul Geller Howard G. Gelling Peter Victor Genco, Jr. Steven Gregory Genovese Alayne Gentul Edward F. Geraghty Suzanne Geraty Ralph Gerhardt Robert Gerlich Denis P. Germain Marina Romanovna Gertsberg Susan M. Getzendanner James G. Geyer Joseph M. Giaccone Vincent Francis Giammona Debra Lynn Gibbon James Andrew Giberson Craig Neil Gibson Ronnie E. Gies Laura A. Giglio Andrew Clive Gilbert Timothy Paul Gilbert Paul Stuart Gilbey Paul John Gill Mark Y. Gilles Evan Gillette Ronald Lawrence Gilligan Rodney C. Gillis Laura Gilly John F. Ginley Donna Marie Giordano Jeffrey John Giordano John Giordano Steven A. Giorgetti Martin Giovinazzo Kum-Kum Girolamo Salvatore Gitto Cynthia Giugliano Mon Gjonbalaj Dianne Gladstone Keith Glascoe Thomas Irwin Glasser Harry Glenn Barry H. Glick Steven Glick John T. Gnazzo William Robert Godshalk Michael Gogliormella Brian Fredric Goldberg Jeffrey Grant Goldflam Michelle Goldstein Monica Goldstein Steven Goldstein Andrew H. Golkin Dennis James Gomes Enrique Antonio Gomez Jose Bienvenido Gomez Manuel Gomez, Jr. Wilder Alfredo Gomez Jenine Nicole Gonzalez Mauricio Gonzalez Rosa Gonzalez Calvin J. Gooding Harry Goody Kiran Reddy Gopu Catherine C. Gorayeb Kerene Gordon Sebastian Gorki Kieran Joseph Gorman Thomas Edward Gorman Michael Edward Gould Yuji Goya Jon Richard Grabowski Christopher Michael Grady Edwin J. Graf III David Martin Graifman Gilbert Franco Granados Elvira Granitto Winston Arthur Grant Christopher S. Gray James Michael Gray Tara McCloud Gray Linda Catherine Grayling John M. Grazioso Timothy George Grazioso Derrick Auther Green Wade B. Green Elaine Myra Greenberg Gayle R. Greene James Arthur Greenleaf, Jr. Eileen Marsha Greenstein Elizabeth Martin Gregg Denise Gregory Donald H. Gregory Florence Moran Gregory Pedro Grehan John Michael Griffin Tawanna Sherry Griffin Joan Donna Griffith Warren Grifka Ramon Grijalvo Joseph F. Grillo David Joseph Grimner Kenneth George Grouzalis Joseph Grzelak Matthew James Grzymalski Robert Joseph Gschaar Liming Gu Jose Guadalupe Cindy Yan Zhu Guan Joel Guevara Gonzalez Geoffrey E. Guja Joseph Gullickson Babita Girjamatie Guman Douglas Brian Gurian Janet Ruth Gustafson Philip T. Guza Barbara Guzzardo Peter M. Gyulavary Gary Robert Haag Andrea Lyn Haberman Barbara Mary Habib Philip Haentzler Nezam A. Hafiz Karen Elizabeth Hagerty Steven Michael Hagis Mary Lou Hague David Halderman Maile Rachel Hale Richard B. Hall Vaswald George Hall Robert J. Halligan Vincent Gerard Halloran James Douglas Halvorson Mohammad Salman Hamdani Felicia Hamilton Robert Hamilton Frederic K. Han Christopher J. Hanley Sean S. Hanley Valerie Joan Hanna Thomas Hannafin Kevin James Hannaford Michael Lawrence Hannan Dana R Hannon Vassilios G. Haramis James A. Haran Jeffrey Pike Hardy Timothy John Hargrave Daniel Edward Harlin Frances Haros Harvey Harrell Stephen G. Harrell Melissa Marie Harrington Aisha Anne Harris Stewart Dennis Harris John Patrick Hart John Clinton Hartz Emeric Harvey Thomas Theodore Haskell, Jr. Timothy Haskell Joseph John Hasson III Leonard W. Hatton Terence S. Hatton Michael Haub Timothy Aaron Haviland Donald G. Havlish, Jr. Anthony Hawkins Nobuhiro Hayatsu Philip Hayes William Ward Haynes Scott Jordan Hazelcorn Michael K. Healey Roberta B. Heber Charles Francis Xavier Heeran John F. Heffernan H. Joseph Heller, Jr. Joann L. Heltibridle Mark F. Hemschoot Ronnie Lee Henderson Brian Hennessey Michelle Marie Henrique Joseph Henry William Henry John Christopher Henwood Robert Allan Hepburn Mary Herencia Lindsay C. Herkness III Harvey Robert Hermer Claribel Hernandez Eduardo Hernandez Nuberto Hernandez Raul Hernandez Gary Herold Jeffrey A. Hersch Thomas Hetzel Brian Hickey Ysidro Hidalgo Timothy Higgins Robert D. W. Higley II Todd Russell Hill Clara Victorine Hinds Neal O. Hinds Mark D. Hindy Katsuyuki Hirai Heather Malia Ho Tara Yvette Hobbs Thomas Anderson Hobbs James J. Hobin Robert Wayne Hobson DaJuan Hodges Ronald George Hoerner Patrick A. Hoey Marcia Hoffman Stephen G. Hoffman Frederick Joseph Hoffmann Michele L. Hoffmann Judith Florence Hofmiller Thomas Warren Hohlweck, Jr. Jonathan R. Hohmann John Holland Joseph F. Holland Elizabeth Holmes Thomas Holohan Bradley Hoorn James P. Hopper Montgomery McCullough Hord Michael Horn Matthew Douglas Horning Robert L. Horohoe, Jr. Aaron Horwitz Charles Houston Uhuru G. Houston George Howard Michael C. Howell Steven Leon Howell Jennifer L. Howley Milagros Hromada Marian R. Hrycak Stephen Huczko, Jr. Kris Robert Hughes Paul Rexford Hughes Robert Thomas Hughes Thomas Hughes Timothy Robert Hughes Susan Huie Lamar Hulse William Christopher Hunt Kathleen Anne Hunt-Casey Joseph Hunter Robert R. Hussa Abid Hussain Thomas Edward Hynes Walter G. Hynes Joseph Anthony Ianelli Zuhtu Ibis Jonathan Lee Ielpi Michael Iken Daniel Ilkanayev Frederick Ill, Jr. Abraham Nethanel Ilowitz Anthony P. Infante, Jr. Louis S. Inghilterra, Jr. Christopher Noble Ingrassia Paul Innella Stephanie Veronica Irby Douglas Irgang Kristin A. Irvine Ryan Todd Antione Isaac Erik Isbrandtsen Taizo Ishikawa Aram Iskenderian, Jr. John F. Iskyan Kazushige Ito Aleksandr Valeryevich Ivantsov Virginia May Jablonski Brooke Alexandra Jackman Aaron Jeremy Jacobs Ariel Louis Jacobs Jason Kyle Jacobs Michael Grady Jacobs Steven A. Jacobson Ricknauth Jaggernauth Jake Denis Jagoda Yudh Vir Singh Jain Maria Jakubiak Ernest James Gricelda E. James Priscilla James Mark Steven Jardim Muhammadou Jawara Francois Jean-Pierre Maxima Jean-Pierre Paul Edward Jeffers Alva Cynthia Jeffries Sanchez Joseph Jenkins, Jr. Alan Keith Jensen Prem N. Jerath Farah Jeudy Hweidar Jian Eliezer Jimenez, Jr. Luis Jimenez, Jr. Fernando Jimenez-Molina Charles Gregory John Nicholas John LaShawna Johnson Scott Michael Johnson William R. Johnston Allison Horstmann Jones Arthur Joseph Jones Brian Leander Jones Christopher D. Jones Donald T. Jones Donald W. Jones Linda Jones Mary S. Jones Andrew Jordan Robert Thomas Jordan Albert Gunnia Joseph Guylene Joseph Ingeborg Joseph Karl Henry Joseph Stephen Joseph Jane Eileen Josiah Anthony Jovic Angel L. Juarbe, Jr. Karen Sue Juday Mychal F. Judge Paul William Jurgens Thomas Edward Jurgens Kacinga Kabeya Shashikiran Lakshmikantha Kadaba Gavkharoy Kamardinova Shari Kandell Howard Lee Kane Jennifer Lynn Kane Vincent D. Kane Joon Koo Kang Sheldon Robert Kanter Deborah H. Kaplan Alvin Peter Kappelmann, Jr. Charles Karczewski William A. Karnes Douglas Gene Karpiloff Charles L. Kasper Andrew K. Kates John Katsimatides Robert Michael Kaulfers Don Jerome Kauth, Jr. Hideya Kawauchi Edward T. Keane Richard M. Keane Lisa Yvonne Kearney-Griffin Karol Ann Keasler Paul Hanlon Keating Leo Russell Keene III Joseph John Keller Peter R. Kellerman Joseph P. Kellett Frederick H. Kelley, Jr. James Joseph Kelly Joseph A. Kelly Maurice P. Kelly Richard John Kelly, Jr. Thomas Michael Kelly Thomas Richard Kelly Thomas W. Kelly Timothy Colin Kelly William Hill Kelly, Jr. Robert Clinton Kennedy Thomas J. Kennedy John R. Keohane Ronald T. Kerwin Howard L. Kestenbaum Douglas D. Ketcham Ruth Ellen Ketler Boris Khalif Sarah Khan Taimour Firaz Khan Rajesh Khandelwal Oliva Khemrat SeiLai Khoo Michael Kiefer Satoshi Kikuchihara Andrew Jay-Hoon Kim Lawrence D. Kim Mary Jo Kimelman Andrew M. King Lucille Teresa King Robert King, Jr. Lisa King-Johnson Takashi Kinoshita Chris Michael Kirby Howard Barry Kirschbaum Glenn Davis Kirwin Helen Crossin Kittle Richard Joseph Klares Peter Anton Klein Alan David Kleinberg Karen Joyce Klitzman Ronald Philip Kloepfer Evgueni Kniazev Andrew Knox Thomas Patrick Knox Rebecca Lee Koborie Deborah A. Kobus Gary Edward Koecheler Frank J. Koestner Ryan Kohart Vanessa Kolpak Irina Kolpakova Suzanne Kondratenko Abdoulaye Kone Bon-Seok Koo Dorota Kopiczko Scott Kopytko Bojan Kostic Danielle Kousoulis John J. Kren William E. Krukowski Lyudmila Ksido Shekhar Kumar Kenneth Kumpel Frederick Kuo, Jr. Patricia Kuras Nauka Kushitani Thomas Kuveikis Victor Kwarkye Kui Fai Kwok Angela Reed Kyte Andrew La Corte Amarnauth Lachhman James Patrick Ladley Joseph A. LaFalce Jeanette Louise Lafond-Menichino David Laforge Michael Laforte Alan Charles LaFrance Juan Lafuente Neil Kwong-Wah Lai Vincent Anthony Laieta William David Lake Franco Lalama Chow Kwan Lam Stephen LaMantia Amy Hope Lamonsoff Nickola Lampley Robert Lane Brendan Mark Lang Rosanne P. Lang Vanessa Langer Mary Louise Langley Peter J. Langone Thomas Michael Langone Michele Bernadette Lanza Ruth Sheila Lapin Carol Ann LaPlante Ingeborg Lariby Robin Blair Larkey Christopher Randall Larrabee Hamidou S. Larry Scott Larsen John Adam Larson Gary Edward Lasko Nicholas Craig Lassman Paul Laszczynski Jeffrey G. LaTouche Charles Laurencin Stephen James Lauria Maria LaVache Denis Francis Lavelle Jeannine Mary LaVerde Anna A. Laverty Steven Lawn Robert Lawrence Nathaniel Lawson Eugen Gabriel Lazar James Patrick Leahy Joseph Gerard Leavey Neil Joseph Leavy Leon Lebor Kenneth Charles Ledee Alan J. Lederman Elena F. Ledesma Alexis Leduc David S. Lee Gary H. Lee Hyun Joon Lee Juanita Lee Kathryn Blair Lee Linda C. Lee Lorraine Mary Lee Myoung Woo Lee Richard Y. Lee Stuart Soo-Jin Lee Yang Der Lee Stephen Paul Lefkowitz Adriana Legro Edward Joseph Lehman Eric Andrew Lehrfeld David Leistman David Prudencio Lemagne Joseph Anthony Lenihan John Joseph Lennon, Jr. John Robinson Lenoir Jorge Luis Leon Matthew Gerard Leonard Michael Lepore Charles A. Lesperance Jeff Leveen John Dennis Levi Alisha Caren Levin Neil David Levin Robert Levine Robert Michael Levine Shai Levinhar Adam Jay Lewis Margaret Susan Lewis Ye Wei Liang Orasri Liangthanasarn Daniel F. Libretti Ralph Licciardi Edward Lichtschein Steven Barry Lillianthal Carlos R. Lillo Craig Damian Lilore Arnold A. Lim Darya Lin Wei Rong Lin Nickie L. Lindo Thomas V. Linehan, Jr. Robert Thomas Linnane Alan P. Linton, Jr. Diane Theresa Lipari Kenneth Lira Francisco Alberto Liriano Lorraine Lisi Paul Lisson Vincent M. Litto Ming-Hao Liu Nancy Liz Harold Lizcano Martin Lizzul George A. Llanes Elizabeth C. Logler Catherine Lisa Loguidice Jerome Robert Lohez Michael William Lomax Laura Maria Longing Salvatore Lopes Daniel Lopez George Lopez Luis Manuel Lopez Manuel L. Lopez Joseph Lostrangio Chet Dek Louie Stuart Seid Louis Joseph Lovero Jenny Seu Kueng Low Wong Michael W. Lowe Garry W. Lozier John Peter Lozowsky Charles Peter Lucania Edward Hobbs Luckett Mark Gavin Ludvigsen Lee Charles Ludwig Sean Thomas Lugano Daniel Lugo Marie Lukas William Lum, Jr. Michael P. Lunden Christopher Lunder Anthony Luparello Gary Frederick Lutnick William Lutz Linda Anne Luzzicone Alexander Lygin Farrell Peter Lynch James Francis Lynch Louise A. Lynch Michael Cameron Lynch Michael F. Lynch Michael Francis Lynch Richard D. Lynch, Jr. Robert Henry Lynch, Jr. Sean P. Lynch Sean Patrick Lynch Michael J. Lyons Monica Anne Lyons Patrick Lyons Robert Francis Mace Jan Maciejewski Catherine Fairfax Macrae Richard Blaine Madden Simon Maddison Noell Maerz Jennieann Maffeo Joseph Maffeo Jay Robert Magazine Brian Magee Charles Wilson Magee Joseph V. Maggitti Ronald Magnuson Daniel L. Maher Thomas Anthony Mahon William J. Mahoney Joseph Daniel Maio Takashi Makimoto Abdu Ali Malahi Debora I. Maldonado Myrna T. Maldonado-Agosto Alfred Russell Maler Gregory James Malone Edward Francis Maloney III Joseph Maloney Gene Edward Maloy Christian Maltby Francisco Miguel Mancini Joseph Mangano Sara Elizabeth Manley Debra Mannetta Marion Victoria Manning Terence John Manning James Maounis Joseph Ross Marchbanks, Jr. Peter Edward Mardikian Edward Joseph Mardovich Charles Joseph Margiotta Kenneth Joseph Marino Lester V. Marino Vita Marino Kevin Marlo Jose Marrero John Marshall James Martello Michael A. Marti Peter C. Martin William J. Martin, Jr. Brian E. Martineau Betsy Martinez Edward Martinez Jose Angel Martinez, Jr. Robert Gabriel Martinez Victor Martinez Pastrana Lizie D. Martinez-Calderon Paul Richard Martini Joseph A. Mascali Bernard Mascarenhas Stephen Frank Masi Nicholas George Massa Patricia Ann Massari Michael Massaroli Philip William Mastrandrea, Jr. Rudolph Mastrocinque Joseph Mathai Charles Mathers William A. Mathesen Marcello Matricciano Margaret Elaine Mattic Robert D. Mattson Walter Matuza Charles A. Mauro, Jr. Charles J. Mauro Dorothy Mauro Nancy T. Mauro Tyrone May Keithroy Marcellus Maynard Robert J. Mayo Kathy Nancy Mazza Edward Mazzella, Jr. Jennifer Lynn Mazzotta Kaaria Mbaya James Joseph McAlary Brian McAleese Patricia Ann McAneney Colin Robert McArthur John Kevin McAvoy Kenneth M. McBrayer Brendan McCabe Micheal McCabe Thomas McCann Justin McCarthy Kevin M. McCarthy Michael McCarthy Robert McCarthy Stanley McCaskill Katie Marie McCloskey Joan McConnell-Cullinan Charles Austin McCrann Tonyell F. McDay Matthew T. McDermott Joseph P. McDonald Brian Grady McDonnell Michael P. McDonnell John McDowell, Jr. Eamon J. McEneaney John Thomas McErlean, Jr. Daniel Francis McGinley Mark Ryan McGinly William E. McGinn Thomas Henry MCGinnis Michael Gregory McGinty Ann McGovern Scott Martin McGovern William McGovern Stacey Sennas McGowan Francis Noel McGuinn Patrick McGuire Thomas M. McHale Keith McHeffey Ann M. McHugh Denis J. McHugh III Dennis McHugh Michael E. McHugh Robert G. McIlvaine Donald James McIntyre Stephanie Marie McKenna Barry J. McKeon Evelyn C. McKinnedy Darryl Leron McKinney George Patrick McLaughlin, Jr. Robert C. McLaughlin, Jr. Gavin McMahon Robert D. McMahon Edmund McNally Daniel W. McNeal Walter Arthur McNeil Jisley McNish Christine Sheila McNulty Sean Peter McNulty Robert McPadden Terence A. McShane Timothy Patrick McSweeney Martin E. McWilliams Rocco A. Medaglia Abigail Cales Medina Ana Iris Medina Deborah Louise Medwig Damian Meehan William J. Meehan Alok Mehta Raymond Meisenheimer Manuel Emilio Mejia Eskedar Melaku Antonio Melendez Mary Melendez Yelena Melnichenko Stuart Todd Meltzer Diarelia Jovanah Mena Charles Mendez Lizette Mendoza Shevonne Olicia Mentis Steven Mercado Westly Mercer Ralph Joseph Mercurio Alan Harvey Merdinger George L. Merino Yamel Merino George Merkouris Deborah Merrick Raymond Joseph Metz III Jill Ann Metzler David Robert Meyer Nurul H. Miah William Edward Micciulli Martin Paul Michelstein Peter Teague Milano Gregory Milanowycz Lukasz Tomasz Milewski Sharon Christina Millan Corey Peter Miller Craig James Miller Douglas Charles Miller Henry Alfred Miller, Jr. Joel Miller Michael Matthew Miller Philip D. Miller Robert Alan Miller Robert Cromwell Miller, Jr. Benjamin Millman Charles Morris Mills Ronald Keith Milstein Robert Minara William George Minardi Diakite Minata Louis Joseph Minervino Thomas Mingione Wilbert Miraille Dominick N. Mircovich Rajesh Arjan Mirpuri Joseph Mistrulli Susan J. Miszkowicz Paul Thomas Mitchell Richard P. Miuccio Frank V. Moccia, Sr. Louis Joseph Modafferi Boyie Mohammed Dennis Mojica Manuel Mojica Kleber Molina Manuel De Jesus Molina Carl Molinaro Justin Molisani Brian Monaghan Franklin Monahan John Monahan Kristen Montanaro Craig Montano Michael Montesi Jeffrey Montgomery Peter Montoulieu Cheryl Ann Monyak Thomas Moody Sharon Moore Krishna Moorthy Abner Morales Carlos Manuel Morales Luis Morales Paula E. Morales John Moran John Chrisopher Moran Kathleen Moran Lindsay Stapleton Morehouse George Morell Steven P. Morello Vincent S. Morello Yvette Nicole Moreno Dorothy Morgan Richard Morgan Nancy Morgenstern Sanae Mori Blanca Robertina Morocho Leonel Geronimo Morocho Dennis Gerard Moroney Lynne Irene Morris Seth Allan Morris Stephen Philip Morris Christopher Martel Morrison Jorge Luis Morron Garcia Ferdinand V. Morrone William David Moskal Marco Motroni Cynthia Motus-Wilson Iouri A. Mouchinski Jude Joseph Moussa Peter Moutos Damion O’Neil Mowatt Christopher Mozzillo Stephen Vincent Mulderry Richard Muldowney Jr Michael D. Mullan Dennis Michael Mulligan Peter James Mulligan Michael Joseph Mullin James Donald Munhall Nancy Muniz Carlos Munoz Frank Munoz Theresa Munson Robert M. Murach Cesar Augusto Murillo Marc A. Murolo Brian Joseph Murphy Charles Anthony Murphy Christopher W. Murphy Edward Charles Murphy James F. Murphy Iv James Thomas Murphy Kevin James Murphy Patrick Sean Murphy Raymond E. Murphy Robert Eddie Murphy, Jr. John Joseph Murray John Joseph Murray, Jr. Susan D. Murray Valerie Victoria Murray Richard Todd Myhre Robert B. Nagel Takuya Nakamura Alexander Napier Frank Joseph Naples III John Napolitano Catherine Ann Nardella Mario Nardone, Jr. Manika K. Narula Mehmood Naseem Narender Nath Karen Susan Navarro Joseph Micheal Navas Francis Joseph Nazario Glenroy I. Neblett Rayman Marcus Neblett Jerome O. Nedd Laurence Nedell Luke G. Nee Pete Negron Ann N. Nelson David William Nelson James Nelson Michele Ann Nelson Peter Allen Nelson Oscar Francis Nesbitt Gerard Terence Nevins Christopher Newton-Carter Kapinga Ngalula Nancy Yuen Ngo Jody Nichilo Martin S. Niederer Alfonse Joseph Niedermeyer Frank John Niestadt, Jr. Gloria Nieves Juan Nieves, Jr. Troy Edward Nilsen Paul Nimbley John B. Niven Katherine Marie Noack Curtis Terrance Noel Daniel R. Nolan Robert Noonan Daniela R. Notaro Brian Christopher Novotny Soichi Numata Brian Felix Nunez Jose Nunez Jeffrey Roger Nussbaum Dennis O’Berg James P. O’Brien, Jr. Michael P. O’Brien Scott J. O’Brien Timothy Michael O’Brien Daniel O’Callaghan Dennis James O’Connor, Jr. Diana J. O’Connor Keith Kevin O’Connor Richard J. O’Connor Amy O’Doherty Marni Pont O’Doherty James Andrew O’Grady Thomas O’Hagan Patrick J. O’Keefe William O’Keefe Gerald O’leary Matthew Timothy O’Mahony Peter J. O’Neill, Jr. Sean Gordon O’Neill Kevin O’Rourke Patrick J. O’Shea Robert William O’Shea Timothy F. O’Sullivan James A. Oakley Douglas E. Oelschlager Takashi Ogawa Albert Ogletree Philip Paul Ognibene Joseph J. Ogren Samuel Oitice Gerald Michael Olcott Christine Anne Olender Linda Mary Oliva Edward Kraft Oliver Leah E. Oliver Eric T. Olsen Jeffrey James Olsen Maureen Lyons Olson Steven John Olson Toshihiro Onda Seamus L. O’Neal John P. Oneill Frank Oni Michael C. Opperman Christopher Orgielewicz Margaret Orloske Virginia Anne Ormiston Ronald Orsini Peter Ortale Juan Ortega-Campos Alexander Ortiz David Ortiz Emilio Ortiz, Jr. Pablo Ortiz Paul Ortiz, Jr. Sonia Ortiz Masaru Ose Elsy C. Osorio James R. Ostrowski Jason Douglas Oswald Michael Otten Isidro D. Ottenwalder Michael Chung Ou Todd Joseph Ouida Jesus Ovalles Peter J. Owens, Jr. Adianes Oyola Angel M. Pabon Israel Pabon, Jr. Roland Pacheco Michael Benjamin Packer Rene Padilla-Chavarria Deepa Pakkala Jeffrey Matthew Palazzo Thomas Palazzo Richard Palazzolo Orio J. Palmer Frank Anthony Palombo Alan N. Palumbo Christopher Matthew Panatier Dominique Lisa Pandolfo Paul J. Pansini John M. Paolillo Edward Joseph Papa Salvatore T. Papasso James Nicholas Pappageorge Vinod Kumar Parakat Vijayashanker Paramsothy Nitin Parandkar Hardai Parbhu James Wendell Parham Debra Marie Paris George Paris Gye Hyong Park Philip Lacey Parker Michael Alaine Parkes Robert E. Parks, Jr. Hashmukhrai C. Parmar Robert Parro Diane Marie Parsons Leobardo Lopez Pascual Michael Pascuma Jerrold Paskins Horace Robert Passananti Suzanne H. Passaro Avnish Ramanbhai Patel Dipti Patel Manish Patel Steven Bennett Paterson James Matthew Patrick Manuel D. Patrocino Bernard E. Patterson Cira Marie Patti Robert E. Pattison James Robert Paul Patrice Paz Victor Paz-Gutierrez Stacey Lynn Peak Richard Allen Pearlman Durrell V. Pearsall Thomas Pedicini Todd Douglas Pelino Michel Adrian Pelletier Anthony G. Peluso Angel Ramon Pena Richard Al Penny Salvatore F. Pepe Carl Peralta Robert David Peraza Jon A. Perconti Alejo Perez Angel Perez, Jr. Angela Susan Perez Anthony Perez Ivan Perez Nancy E. Perez Joseph John Perroncino Edward J. Perrotta Emelda H. Perry Glenn C. Perry John William Perry Franklin Allan Pershep Danny Pesce Michael John Pescherine Davin Peterson William Russell Peterson Mark Petrocelli Philip Scott Petti Glen Kerrin Pettit Dominick Pezzulo Kaleen Elizabeth Pezzuti Kevin Pfeifer Tu-Anh Pham Kenneth Phelan Sneha Ann Philips Gerard Phillips Suzette Eugenia Piantieri Ludwig John Picarro Matthew M. Picerno Joseph Oswald Pick Christopher Pickford Dennis J. Pierce Bernard Pietronico Nicholas P. Pietrunti Theodoros Pigis Susan Elizabeth Pinto Joseph Piskadlo Christopher Todd Pitman Joshua Piver Joseph Plumitallo John Pocher William Howard Pohlmann Laurence Polatsch Thomas H. Polhemus Steve Pollicino Susan M. Pollio Joshua Iousa Poptean Giovanna Porras Anthony Portillo James Edward Potorti Daphne Pouletsos Richard N. Poulos Stephen Emanual Poulos Brandon Jerome Powell Shawn Edward Powell Antonio Pratt Gregory M. Preziose Wanda Ivelisse Prince Vincent Princiotta Kevin Prior Everett Martin Proctor III Carrie Beth Progen Sarah Prothero-Redheffer David Lee Pruim Richard Prunty John Foster Puckett Robert David Pugliese Edward F. Pullis Patricia Ann Puma Hemanth Kumar Puttur Edward R. Pykon Christopher Quackenbush Lars Peter Qualben Lincoln Quappe Beth Ann Quigley Michael Quilty James Francis Quinn Ricardo J. Quinn Carlos Quishpe-Cuaman Carol Millicent Rabalais Christopher Peter A. Racaniello Leonard J. Ragaglia Eugene Raggio Laura Marie Ragonese-Snik Michael Ragusa Peter Frank Raimondi Harry A. Raines Ehtesham Raja Valsa Raju Edward Rall Lukas Rambousek Maria Ramirez Harry Ramos Vishnoo Ramsaroop Lorenzo E. Ramzey Alfred Todd Rancke Adam David Rand Jonathan C. Randall Srinivasa Shreyas Ranganath Anne T. Ransom Faina Aronovna Rapoport Robert A. Rasmussen Amenia Rasool Roger Mark Rasweiler David Alan Rathkey William Ralph Raub Gerard P. Rauzi Alexey Razuvaev Gregory Reda Michele Reed Judith Ann Reese Donald J. Regan Robert M. Regan Thomas Michael Regan Christian Michael Otto Regenhard Howard Reich Gregg Reidy James Brian Reilly Kevin O. Reilly Timothy E. Reilly Joseph Reina, Jr. Thomas Barnes Reinig Frank Bennett Reisman Joshua Scott Reiss Karen Renda John Armand Reo Richard Cyril Rescorla John Thomas Resta Luis Clodoaldo Revilla Eduvigis Reyes, Jr. Bruce Albert Reynolds John Frederick Rhodes Francis Saverio Riccardelli Rudolph N. Riccio Ann Marie Riccoboni David H. Rice Eileen Mary Rice Kenneth Frederick Rice III Vernon Allan Richard Claude Daniel Richards Gregory David Richards Michael Richards Venesha Orintia Richards James C. Riches Alan Jay Richman John M. Rigo Theresa Risco Rose Mary Riso Moises N. Rivas Joseph Rivelli Carmen Alicia Rivera Isaias Rivera Juan William Rivera Linda Ivelisse Rivera David E. Rivers Joseph R. Riverso Paul V. Rizza John Frank Rizzo Stephen Louis Roach Joseph Roberto Leo Arthur Roberts Michael Roberts Michael Edward Roberts Donald Walter Robertson, Jr. Catherina Robinson Jeffery Robinson Michell Lee Jean Robotham Donald A. Robson Antonio A. Rocha Raymond James Rocha Laura Rockefeller John Rodak Antonio J. Rodrigues Anthony Rodriguez Carmen Milagros Rodriguez Gregory Ernesto Rodriguez Marsha A. Rodriguez Mayra Valdes Rodriguez Richard Rodriguez David Bartolo Rodriguez-Vargas Matthew Rogan Karlie Barbara Rogers Scott Williams Rohner Keith Roma Joseph M. Romagnolo Efrain Romero, Sr. Elvin Romero Juan Romero Orozco James A. Romito Sean Paul Rooney Eric Thomas Ropiteau Aida Rosario Angela Rosario Wendy Alice Rosario Wakeford Mark Rosen Brooke David Rosenbaum Linda Rosenbaum Sheryl Lynn Rosenbaum Lloyd Daniel Rosenberg Mark Louis Rosenberg Andrew Ira Rosenblum Joshua M. Rosenblum Joshua Alan Rosenthal Richard David Rosenthal Daniel Rosetti Norman S. Rossinow Nicholas P. Rossomando Michael Craig Rothberg Donna Marie Rothenberg Nicholas Rowe Timothy Alan Roy, Sr. Paul G. Ruback Ronald J. Ruben Joanne Rubino David M. Ruddle Bart Joseph Ruggiere Susan A. Ruggiero Adam Keith Ruhalter Gilbert Ruiz Obdulio Ruiz Diaz Stephen P. Russell Steven Harris Russin Michael Thomas Russo, Sr. Wayne Alan Russo Edward Ryan John Joseph Ryan, Jr. Jonathan Stephan Ryan Matthew Lancelot Ryan Tatiana Ryjova Christina Sunga Ryook Thierry Saada Jason Elazar Sabbag Thomas E. Sabella Scott Saber Joseph Francis Sacerdote Neeraha Sadaranghgani Mohammad Ali Sadeque Francis John Sadocha Jude Safi Brock Joel Safronoff Edward Saiya John Patrick Salamone Hernando Salas Juan G. Salas Esmerlin Antonio Salcedo John Salvatore Salerno, Jr. Richard L. Salinardi, Jr. Wayne John Saloman Nolbert Salomon Catherine Patricia Salter Frank Salvaterra Paul Richard Salvio Samuel Robert Salvo, Jr. Rena Sam-Dinnoo Carlos Alberto Samaniego James Kenneth Samuel, Jr. Michael San Phillip Sylvia San Pio Hugo M. Sanay Erick Sanchez Jacquelyn Patrice Sanchez Eric M. Sand Stacey Leigh Sanders Herman S. Sandler James Sands, Jr. Ayleen J. Santiago Kirsten Santiago Maria Theresa Santillan Susan Gayle Santo Christopher Santora John A. Santore Mario L. Santoro Rafael Humberto Santos Rufino Conrado Flores Santos Iii Jorge Octavio Santos Anaya Kalyan Sarkar Chapelle R. Sarker Paul F. Sarle Deepika Kumar Sattaluri Gregory Thomas Saucedo Susan M. Sauer Anthony Savas Vladimir Savinkin Jackie Sayegh John Michael Sbarbaro Robert L. Scandole, Jr. Michelle Scarpitta Dennis Scauso John Albert Schardt John G. Scharf Frederick Claude Scheffold, Jr. Angela Susan Scheinberg Scott Mitchell Schertzer Sean Schielke Steven Francis Schlag Jon Schlissel Karen Helene Schmidt Ian Schneider Thomas G. Schoales Frank G. Schott, Jr. Gerard Patrick Schrang Jeffrey H. Schreier John T. Schroeder Susan Lee Schuler Edward William Schunk Mark E. Schurmeier Clarin Shellie Schwartz John Burkhart Schwartz Mark Schwartz Adriane Victoria Scibetta Raphael Scorca Randolph Scott Sheila Scott Christopher Jay Scudder Arthur Warren Scullin Michael Herman Seaman Margaret M. Seeliger Anthony Segarra Carlos Segarra Jason Sekzer Matthew Carmen Sellitto Howard Selwyn Larry John Senko Arturo Angelo Sereno Frankie Serrano Alena Sesinova Adele Christine Sessa Sita Nermalla Sewnarine Karen Lynn Seymour Davis Sezna Thomas Joseph Sgroi Jayesh S. Shah Khalid M. Shahid Mohammed Shajahan Gary Shamay Earl Richard Shanahan Neil Shastri Kathryn Anne Shatzoff Barbara A. Shaw Jeffrey James Shaw Robert John Shay, Jr. Daniel James Shea Joseph Patrick Shea Linda Sheehan Hagay Shefi John Anthony Sherry Atsushi Shiratori Thomas Joseph Shubert Mark Shulman See Wong Shum Allan Abraham Shwartzstein Johanna Sigmund Dianne T. Signer Gregory Sikorsky Stephen Gerard Siller David Silver Craig A. Silverstein Nasima Hameed Simjee Bruce Edward Simmons Arthur Simon Kenneth Alan Simon Michael J. Simon Paul Joseph Simon Marianne Teresa Simone Barry Simowitz Jeff Lyal Simpson Khamladai Singh Kulwant Singh Roshan Ramesh Singh Thomas E. Sinton III Peter A. Siracuse Muriel Fay Siskopoulos Joseph Michael Sisolak John P. Skala Francis Joseph Skidmore, Jr. Toyena Skinner Paul A. Skrzypek Christopher Paul Slattery Vincent Robert Slavin Robert F. Sliwak Paul K. Sloan Stanley S. Smagala, Jr. Wendy L. Small Catherine Smith Daniel Laurence Smith George Eric Smith James Gregory Smith Jeffrey R. Smith Joyce Patricia Smith Karl T. Smith Keisha Smith Kevin Joseph Smith Leon Smith, Jr. Moira Ann Smith Rosemary A. Smith Bonnie Jeanne Smithwick Rochelle Monique Snell Leonard J. Snyder, Jr. Astrid Elizabeth Sohan Sushil S. Solanki Ruben Solares Naomi Leah Solomon Daniel W. Song Michael Charles Sorresse Fabian Soto Timothy Patrick Soulas Gregory Spagnoletti Donald F. Spampinato, Jr. Thomas Sparacio John Anthony Spataro Robert W. Spear, Jr. Maynard S. Spence, Jr. George Edward Spencer III Robert Andrew Spencer Mary Rubina Sperando Tina Spicer Frank Spinelli William E. Spitz Joseph Spor, Jr. Klaus Johannes Sprockamp Saranya Srinuan Fitzroy St. Rose Michael F. Stabile Lawrence T. Stack Timothy M. Stackpole Richard James Stadelberger Eric Stahlman Gregory Stajk Alexandru Liviu Stan Corina Stan Mary Domenica Stanley Anthony Starita Jeffrey Stark Derek James Statkevicus Craig William Staub William V. Steckman Eric Thomas Steen William R. Steiner Alexander Steinman Andrew Stergiopoulos Andrew Stern Martha Stevens Michael James Stewart Richard H. Stewart, Jr. Sanford M. Stoller Lonny Jay Stone Jimmy Nevill Storey Timothy Stout Thomas Strada James J. Straine, Jr. Edward W. Straub George J. Strauch, Jr. Edward T. Strauss Steven R. Strauss Steven F. Strobert Walwyn W. Stuart, Jr. Benjamin Suarez David Scott Suarez Ramon Suarez Yoichi Sugiyama William Christopher Sugra Daniel Suhr David Marc Sullins Christopher P. Sullivan Patrick Sullivan Thomas Sullivan Hilario Soriano Sumaya, Jr. James Joseph Suozzo Colleen Supinski Robert Sutcliffe Seline Sutter Claudia Suzette Sutton John Francis Swaine Kristine M. Swearson Brian Edward Sweeney Kenneth J. Swenson Thomas Swift Derek Ogilvie Sword Kevin Thomas Szocik Gina Sztejnberg Norbert P. Szurkowski Harry Taback Joann Tabeek Norma C. Taddei Michael Taddonio Keiichiro Takahashi Keiji Takahashi Phyllis Gail Talbot Robert Talhami Sean Patrick Tallon Paul Talty Maurita Tam Rachel Tamares Hector Tamayo Michael Andrew Tamuccio Kenichiro Tanaka Rhondelle Cheri Tankard Michael Anthony Tanner Dennis Gerard Taormina, Jr. Kenneth Joseph Tarantino Allan Tarasiewicz Ronald Tartaro Darryl Anthony Taylor Donnie Brooks Taylor Lorisa Ceylon Taylor Michael Morgan Taylor Paul A. Tegtmeier Yeshauant Tembe Anthony Tempesta Dorothy Pearl Temple Stanley Temple David Tengelin Brian John Terrenzi Lisa M. Terry Shell Tester Goumatie T. Thackurdeen Sumati Thakur Harshad Sham Thatte Thomas F. Theurkauf, Jr. Lesley Anne Thomas Brian Thomas Thompson Clive Thompson Glenn Thompson Nigel Bruce Thompson Perry A. Thompson Vanavah Alexei Thompson William H. Thompson Eric Raymond Thorpe Nichola Angela Thorpe Sal Edward Tieri, Jr. John p Tierney Mary Ellen Tiesi William R. Tieste Kenneth Francis Tietjen Stephen Edward Tighe Scott Charles Timmes Michael E. Tinley Jennifer M. Tino Robert Frank Tipaldi John James Tipping II David Tirado Hector Luis Tirado, Jr. Michelle Lee Titolo John J. Tobin Richard Todisco Vladimir Tomasevic Stephen Kevin Tompsett Thomas Tong Doris Torres Luis Eduardo Torres Amy Elizabeth Toyen Christopher Michael Traina Daniel Patrick Trant Abdoul Karim Traore Glenn J. Travers Walter Philip Travers Felicia Y. Traylor-Bass Lisa L. Trerotola Karamo Trerra Michael Angel Trinidad Francis Joseph Trombino Gregory James Trost William P. Tselepis Zhanetta Valentinovna Tsoy Michael Tucker Lance Richard Tumulty Ching Ping Tung Simon James Turner Donald Joseph Tuzio Robert T. Twomey Jennifer Tzemis John G. Ueltzhoeffer Tyler V. Ugolyn Michael A. Uliano Jonathan J. Uman Anil Shivhari Umarkar Allen V. Upton Diane Marie Urban John Damien Vaccacio Bradley Hodges Vadas Renuta Vaidea William Valcarcel Felix Antonio Vale Ivan Vale Benito Valentin Santos Valentin, Jr. Carlton Francis Valvo II Erica H. Van Acker Kenneth W. Van Auken Richard B. Van Hine Daniel M. Van Laere Edward Raymond Vanacore Jon C. Vandevander Barrett Vanvelzer, 4 Edward Vanvelzer Paul Herman Vanvelzer Frederick Thomas Varacchi Gopalakrishnan Varadhan David Vargas Scott C. Vasel Azael Ismael Vasquez Arcangel Vazquez Santos Vazquez Peter Anthony Vega Sankara S. Velamuri Jorge Velazquez Lawrence G. Veling Anthony Mark Ventura David Vera Loretta Ann Vero Christopher James Vialonga Matthew Gilbert Vianna Robert Anthony Vicario Celeste Torres Victoria Joanna Vidal John T. Vigiano II Joseph Vincent Vigiano Frank J. Vignola, Jr. Joseph Barry Vilardo Sergio Villanueva Chantal Vincelli Melissa Vincent Francine Ann Virgilio Lawrence Virgilio Joseph Gerard Visciano Joshua S. Vitale Maria Percoco Vola Lynette D. Vosges Garo H. Voskerijian Alfred Vukosa Gregory Kamal Bruno Wachtler Gabriela Waisman Courtney Wainsworth Walcott Victor Wald Benjamin James Walker Glen Wall Mitchel Scott Wallace Peter Guyder Wallace Robert Francis Wallace Roy Michael Wallace Jeanmarie Wallendorf Matthew Blake Wallens John Wallice, Jr. Barbara P. Walsh James Henry Walsh Jeffrey P. Walz Ching Wang Weibin Wang Michael Warchola Stephen Gordon Ward James Arthur Waring Brian G. Warner Derrick Washington Charles Waters James Thomas Waters, Jr. Patrick J. Waters Kenneth Thomas Watson Michael Henry Waye Todd Christopher Weaver Walter Edward Weaver Nathaniel Webb Dinah Webster Joanne Flora Weil Michael T. Weinberg Steven Weinberg Scott Jeffrey Weingard Steven George Weinstein Simon Weiser David M. Weiss David Thomas Weiss Vincent Michael Wells Timothy Matthew Welty Christian Hans Rudolf Wemmers Ssu-Hui Wen Oleh D. Wengerchuk Peter M. West Whitfield West, Jr. Meredith Lynn Whalen Eugene Whelan Adam S. White Edward James White III James Patrick White John Sylvester White Kenneth Wilburn White, Jr. Leonard Anthony White Malissa Y. White Wayne White Leanne Marie Whiteside Mark P. Whitford Michael T. Wholey Mary Catherine Wieman Jeffrey David Wiener Wilham J. Wik Alison Marie Wildman Glenn E. Wilkenson John C. Willett Brian Patrick Williams Crossley Richard Williams, Jr. David J. Williams Deborah Lynn Williams Kevin Michael Williams Louie Anthony Williams Louis Calvin Williams III John P. Williamson Donna Ann Wilson William Wilson David Harold Winton Glenn J. Winuk Thomas Francis Wise Alan L. Wisniewski Frank Thomas Wisniewski David Wiswall Sigrid Wiswe Michael Wittenstein Christopher W. Wodenshek Martin P. Wohlforth Katherine Susan Wolf Jennifer Yen Wong Siu Cheung Wong Yin Ping Wong Yuk Ping Wong Brent James Woodall James John Woods Patrick J. Woods Richard Herron Woodwell David Terence Wooley John Bentley Works Martin Michael Wortley Rodney James Wotton William Wren
March 1, 2013 | 7:21 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am not a “Tiger Mom”. In fact, in reading the list of things tiger specialist and author Amy Chua says make her one, there is nothing tiger mom-ish about me. I am proudly a Jewish mother in many of the ways Jewish mothers are stereotyped with, but I am also a dictator mom. I discovered that this week when I was having a heated discussion with my teenager and in the span of five minutes said, “Because I said so” a dozen times. Oh dear.
We have been arguing about homework and it is stressful. I am a very hands on and hovering mother. I make no excuses for it, nor do I think it is a bad thing. I have a wonderful human being for a child and since I raised him on my own. I take credit for his being a responsible, kind, caring, smart, generous, funny, and sincere mensch. I love him and am proud of who he is and how he conducts himself. I am truly baffled by our arguing.
I don’t understand how it is that we are on such different pages when it comes to his homework. I won’t get into the details because I want to respect him and our relationship, so you will need to trust me when I tell you I am right on this one and he is wrong. Period. The fighting got me thinking about what kind of mother I am. I know a lot of mothers and I am more unlike them than like them, so what does that say about me?
My kid is number one in my house. There is nothing I would not do to make this kid’s life happy, healthy and whole. I am not perfect, but I am dedicated to him and very clear about how blessed I am to be his mother. I don’t take him for granted and don’t put anyone or anything ahead of him on my list of priorities. That is how I am as a mother. I get sad when I screw up with my kid because it feels like I’ve wasted time with him.
He will leave to college in a year and so I want his time with me to be great, not full of fighting and nagging. I clean his room for him because he will have his whole adult life to do that. I do his laundry, prepare his meals, and it is my pleasure. I will leave the nagging to his wife, but I imagine there won’t be too much of that because while I do these things for him, he has been taught to do them on his own and is good at it.
I am Jewish and so of course guilt is a tool I use when mothering, but there is a difference between trying to guilt your kid into something and shaming them into something and I don’t shame. Things my seventeen-year-old son deals with are nothing like what I dealt with when I was his age. In retrospect, my life was easy compared to his. I remember thinking life was hard and my parents were out of touch, but it is nothing like now.
Kids today are dealing with issues on a much larger scale than my generation ever did. My generation smoked pot and dropped acid while kids now can buy heroin at school. My generation worried about getting pregnant if they had sex, kids now have more sexually transmitted diseases than I can even list. I had an hour of homework every night and our kids have hours and hours of homework every single day. It is much different.
I don’t remember what my life was life before I had a baby, but I remember everything about my life as a mother from the second I found out I was pregnant and fainted, to the first time I felt him kick, to the second he was born, to the time he asked me to marry him, to his first day of school, to his Bar Mitzvah, to his first time taking the car on his own, and every single second in between. I love him completely and he knows it.
One would think that my home would be a democracy, but no. I am a dictator and what I say goes. My child thinks I am ridiculous, my Englishman thinks I am bossy, my mother laughs that I have become her. I want my son to be the best he can be and for me being the best means happiness. I don’t care what career path he chooses, as long as he is happy with it. I don’t care who he marries, as long as he is happy, and she is Jewish.
I use to have a swear jar in my home as I am known to cuss. A lot. I once wed my kid $100 in one week so that jar went away. Cussing is part of my vocabulary and so we deal wit it. We have a new jar however and a buck is going in every time I say, “Because I said so.” I don’t want to be a dictator; I just want homework to be done without fighting. I want to gently release my son to fly away, not have him fly the coop.
Being a mom is rewarding beyond compare, but it is also really, really hard. There is no right or wrong way; whatever you do to make your kids happy is the right way. If my son looks back at his childhood and remembers it as happy, then I have done my job. If one day his response to his own children is “Because I said so”, then I have done my job well. All I can do is pray I’m doing okay, try to stop being a dictator, and keep the faith.
February 26, 2013 | 7:49 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Do you ever take stock of your life? I don’t really look at my life in terms of an arc of time, but I am aware of how fortunate I am and the blessing I have been given. I am also aware of my struggles and how certain aspects of my life are difficult. It is that awareness that leads me to gratitude for the good, and courage to face the challenges. Life is both simple and complicated. It is so easy to get in a rut and feel sorry for yourself. It begs the question, am I worrying so much my life it is passing me by?
Love gives me strength. The love of my family, my child, my boyfriend, my friends, and myself, sustains me when I am feeling weak. I am lucky to have love and joy in my life, but lately I find myself thinking about my fear more than my joy. It’s not fear of something specific, just fear of making mistakes I guess. I am struggling with decisions about my career, how I parent my child, how I stay connected to my family when they are far away, and how to accept that I have found love and don’t need to test it.
I have been wondering if I am so busy getting through life, that I have forgotten to live life. Someone I have known for over 20 years died today. She was in her seventies and had been sick so I knew her life was coming to an end, but I am still in shock at her passing. I had not seen her in many years, but we spoke regularly, and at every crossroad in my life she was there to guide me. I suppose my fear today is in knowing that I will need to talk to her again and she is gone. It is a very sad day.
I have been thinking about my son and if I am being the best mother I can be to him. He is my only child and I have raised him alone so I am overprotective and a bit of a hoverer. I know I need to start letting him go, but I am so fearful of his going off to college that I want to hang onto him every second that he is in my home. I am excited for him to start his adult life and I am thrilled he will go college and follow his dreams, but I don’t know how I will breathe when he is not under my roof and in my sight.
I have been thinking about my family and if it is time for me to go home. Not for a visit, but to live. I lost my father and want to be with my mother more. I miss my sisters so much that it hurts. I miss my brother and feel like I am missing out on watching his kids grow up. They never knew my dad and I feel an obligation to tell them stories so his memory is kept alive. I left for an extended vacation to Los Angeles 22 years ago and told my parents I would come home soon, but I am still here.
I have been thinking about my boyfriend and wondering if love can be real if there is no definition. We are in love and that is all. That is everything. We are not getting married, moving in together, or having a baby. We are simply two grown ups who enjoy being together. We share a remarkable friendship grounded in love and have built a life together. Even though we have only been dating a year, there is a history being built. There are ups and down of course, but luckily the view is good from both locations.
Maybe the lesson here is not to worry about where we are in life, but rather to enjoy the view. When you are on top you can look down and admire where you have been, and from the bottom you can look up and dream about what you will see on your way to the top. My friend once told me if I spent all my time worrying about finding happiness, I would be too busy to know I found it. My friend was wise and lovely. She gave me light in the darkness, and reminded me that I was worthy of happiness and love.
While the circumstances of our meeting were unfortunate, I will be forever grateful that this remarkable woman came into my life. I suppose it is human nature to evaluate your life when someone you know dies. I feel sad and inspired, angry and happy, grateful and resentful. I am blessed to have loved and her and lucky that I was able to tell her how much. In our darkest times can come truly wonderful gifts and she was a gift to me. I will forever keep her in my prayers and do my best to honor her teachings.
I want to be able to live my life and watch it at the same time. I want to live it in a way that leaves me exhausted from joy, not stress. I want to watch it so that I will always remember all the happiness and blessings that have been given to me. I want my son to look back at his childhood and smile at the journey we took together. I want my boyfriend to know that he is a dream come true. I want my family to know that even though I am here, I see them in my dreams and love them from deep in my heart.
Raising my son is the hardest and most rewarding job I have ever had and taught me what love is. Being in a relationship with a man who makes me better is exciting and intimidating. Being away from my family is painful and lonely. Working everyday is exhausting and challenging. Creeping up on 50 is interesting and weird. Sharing my life with all of you is scary and important. I would not change a thing because when all the pieces are put together they create a life worth living and the ability to always keep the faith.
February 21, 2013 | 6:53 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
A friend of mine shared this video on Facebook and I have watched it a dozen times, just this morning. I had no idea who Shane was, but in watching this video I have done a little research and discovered that Shane Koyczan is remarkable. Watch this video. It is important, it is beautiful, and it matters. Everyone should see it, share it, understand it, and learn from it.
To Shane, I fell in love with you this morning.
I am a fan, and I am keeping the faith.
February 19, 2013 | 2:54 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have seen a few videos by DJ Lubel and I think he is very funny. His videos make me laugh, but also make me cringe. He is talented and when I was sent his latest video this afternoon, I knew I had to share it. It is a fun take on what it is like for men to date the women of Los Angeles. I wish I could say it was a spoof, but I think it might actually have been filmed live with real people not actors. LA is rough and not just for the men! This city has her own dating rules and they are near impossible to understand.
A woman in LA who is in her 40’s has a better chance of getting hit by lightening than she does in meeting a good man. Why? Because we are swimming in the same dating pool as models and actresses who are young enough to be our daughters and think anal is an acceptable form of sex. God bless the regular men of LA who are looking to get laid, God Bless the women who will do them if only they were given a shot, and damn the young bitches who are ruining it for everyone!
Enjoy the video and keep the faith!