Posted by Ilana Angel
I’m not sure how lube comes into play with oral sex, or why it being kosher would matter, but if you keep kosher, and lube stops you from having oral sex, you can now take a dive because kosher lube is available. It is being touted as a great thing for Orthodox Jews, but the fact is that not all Jews who keep kosher are Orthodox. Many Jews of different levels of observance are kosher. I am a vegetarian, so by default I am kosher. I am not however, interested in eating lube, so it being kosher does not matter.
American made “Wet” is selling kosher lube in eight flavors. Really? I’m not sure what the flavors are, but insert Jewish food jokes here. (FYI, Matzo ball lube is not sexy.) The President of Trigg Laboratories, the makers of Wet, is Sean Smith, who apparently converted to Judaism when he married his Jewish wife. I’m sure she is lovely to have inspired a conversion, so good for her. Mazel Tov. I am not making fun of this product, and I guess people felt they needed it, but come on. Is having kosher lube really necessary?
Kosher women can put make up on their faces that is not kosher. They can put cream on their bodies that is not kosher. Kosher law says, "One may even apply non-kosher ingredients to one's lips, eg lipstick, lip balm." If you can put non-kosher products on your lips, why the need for kosher lube? My understanding is kosher only matters if you are swallowing something. Who eats lube? Couldn't blowing be before lube is brought into sex? One could argue if you do it properly, lube is not required.
The Torah says there is to be no intentional destruction of seed. Would intentional destruction not involve swallowing? We’re talking about Jewish girls right? That’s funny. I wonder if kosher lube comes with small print saying it is an aid, and not to be eaten. Where does one market kosher lube? I have not seen it in my temple flyer on Shabbat. I find the whole thing to be slightly ridiculous, but if kosher lube is needed, then God bless. What will they think of next when it comes to keeping the faith?
Don't run out to get your kosher lube just yet because it is no longer kosher! The very people who certified it kosher, a week ago, have now revoked the kosher stamp of approval because they say they did not know it was intended to be used for sex. Really? A lube called "Wet" is to be used for something else? To be teased with the possibility of oral sex, only to have it yanked away, sounds very Jewish to me. :-) Oh well.
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
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11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
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11.28.13 at 7:59 am | Think. Laugh. Cry.
11.26.13 at 7:06 am | God places love where we don't always see it.
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (294)
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . . (243)
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (235)
July 16, 2013 | 4:14 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I recently wrote about the “Vegetarian”. We met for a movie and he decided he was going to turn it into a date. He specifically told me it was a date, and he sealed it with a kiss. When I wrote him this week to make plans to see him again, he told me he is actually dating someone. Was he dating her when he took me out. Was he dating her when he kissed me. Was he dating her when he said he wanted to see me again, and hoped there would be groping? Yes.
He reads my blogs, and from what I can gather, he felt sorry for me, having been hurt by love and a series of bad dates, so he asked me out more out of pity than any real interest. While I appreciate after reading my column he felt I needed a good date, I do not understand why he lied. I wonder what the woman he is dating would think about his time with me. He said he was sorry he misled me and did not mean to hurt my feelings. Total and complete crap if you ask me.
Was the goal to throw me a bone? Humiliate me? Get written about? Worse than being some kind of charity date, he told me that I would hate him now, but when my broken heart felt better, I would know he did a good thing. Really? My heart was never in it putz. There was no room on the date for my heart because your ego was taking up too much space. I will never understand how men get by when they are so stupid. To be an asshole on top of stupid must be challenging.
It is touching when people write to say my column moved them somehow. We are all in this together, so when my voice expresses feelings and experiences for more than myself, it is rewarding. I hear from people who feel my pain, and it is hearing their stories that gives me strength. Strength as a mother, woman, and writer. I have never shied away from sharing my life because my stories matter and my readers have become witnesses to my life.
In sharing my joy and sorrow I am rewarded with great love. I am searching for love in my personal life, and in writing I am given love through my professional life, which happens to be very personal. I appreciate and value all my readers. For a man to read and feel sorry for me is touching, but to take me out as a favor, to pity me, or think I need a charity date is more about his ego than mine. The truth is that the vegetarian is a pig who thinks rather highly of himself.
I'm a little embarrassed that I didn't see what he was doing. Feeling rather humiliated that my sharing evoked pity. Angry that I believed anything he said. Grateful that this schmuck showed his true colors before I invested any time or emotion. He turned it into a date, and in doing so set me up for pain, humiliation and embarrassment. I am just trying to move on and it is difficult when rather than respect me, people like this man decide to be purposefully horrible.
I know I am fabulous and I know one day I will wake up and it won’t hurt anymore. While I may have lost my footing, I am still standing. I am a decent human being and in the end the Vegetarian is not. In trying to make himself a hero, he knocked me back two steps and not only am I pissed off, but my feelings are hurt. Bravo dumbass. I feel sad for the woman he is dating, sad for him, and grateful I can laugh at it all, have a bottle of tequila at home, and still able to keep the faith.
July 11, 2013 | 4:38 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
The sad truth is that when it comes to sex, I write about it more than I participate in it. It is a shame because I am at an age where I feel most accepting of my body, and what I bring to a relationship in terms of my sexuality, yet there is nobody to have sex with. Of course there are men to have sex with, but when sex matters to you on an emotional level, sex on a physical level is not that appealing.
I have a healthy view of sex. I appreciate the value it brings to a relationship, and like how I feel about myself when I am appreciated and admired by the man I am intimate with. It is a powerful drug and I respect it. I believe I have raised my son with that same respect. More than just something you do, sex requires feelings, and I want him to value it, value himself, and value the women he sleeps with.
The average age people lose their virginity in America is 17. My son is 17. Hang on, I’m having difficulty breathing. I remember when he was born, when he told me loved me for the first time, when he learned how to ride a bike, and when he got his drivers license. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that the little baby I raised by myself, is reaching an age where sex will become part of his life. Important to note that my son is anything but average, so I could assume he will lose his virginity much later than 17. I could assume this in the same way that you could assume the thought of my son being old enough to do grown up things makes me want to drink. By drink of course I mean open a bottle of tequila and put a straw in it. No need for a glass, just get to the numbing booze quickly.
We have always had a close relationship. We talk about love, loss, sex, and the emotions that come with it. He has seen me cry, and helped heal my broken heart with love, kindness, and compassion. When you have a woman, raising a boy to be man, he is going to see it all in terms of emotions. I decided when he was young that hiding things from him was not a good idea, and we would learn together. My son knows I am emotional, vulnerable, and let’s be honest, crazy. Not because I am crazy, but because I am a girl, and we are all a little crazy. He sees me sad, stressed, happy, laughing, thoughtful, spiritual, kind, and mean. He is well versed in how to deal with a woman on her period, and been taught to question, believe, pray, dream, and to have sex only when his partner wants the same thing.
My son is about to head into his senior year of high school, and no matter how much I pray he will wait until after college to have sex, it will happen at some point, and regardless of when that is, I will not be ready. Raising a boy by yourself is hard. We have the special bond of mothers and sons, and one that is unique to us. He is my child, friend, confidant, and inspiration. He is also becoming a man. When your son engages in adult behavior, he will look at you one day and see an adult, not just a parent, so he will wonder what adult behavior you are engaging in. It is an odd feeling. As a single mother, talking about sex, drugs, love, politics, heartache, death, and the future with your child is difficult. Especially when that child is a boy. I want him to be balanced, which is challenging on my own.
I want my son to find a woman worthy of his heart. Statistically, he will not marry the woman he loses his virginity to, but that does not mean he should respect her any less than the woman he one day marries. I want him to gently step into adulthood, not run. I want him to feel safe in our relationship so he can share things with me, and I want to able to listen and support his choices without developing a twitch in my eye. When you have a child you always want the next step of life to come quickly, but when it does, you wish you could go back. That is the funny thing about being a parent. Time flies by. One minute you are changing diapers, and in the blink of an eye you are car shopping with the kid whose diapers you changed, and praying he has listened to your preaching, nagging, and praying.
You can’t wait for them to talk, then wish they would be quiet. You want them to walk, then wish they would sit down. You schlep them everywhere, wish they could drive, then wish they failed the diving test. When they grow up you can’t wait for them to experience life, but wish they could experience it from home for just a little bit longer. Being a single mother magnifies all these things. I look back on my years as a mother and am proud of myself for raising such a remarkable human being. I have not done it perfectly, but my son loves me and tells me how much every day. I have presented him with our faith in a way that he embraces it for himself, which is a proud accomplishment because it has been one of the most challenging aspects of being a single mother.
As my son gets older we will talk less and less about sex. That is how life works and to be honest, I am not sad about it. It is awkward to teach your kids about sex, and both sad and excting to watch them transition from childhood to adulthood. He will start to make more of his own choices, and a year from now he will be away at college, without my watchful eyes on him everyday. All I can do is hope he does the right thing, and that I am able to mind my own business. One day his wife will tell me I did a good job raising such a wonderful man and I will be very proud. I hope my son will look back at his childhood and be proud of me too. Our life is blessed, we are adjusting to this next phase together, and everything will be okay because we are keeping the faith.
July 9, 2013 | 4:01 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I know that abortion is a touchy subject. I understand that people are passionate about the debate, and that faith plays a role in how strong people’s opinions are. I think abortion is a personal decision, and in the interest of full disclosure, I support a woman’s right to choose, and believe abortion should be an available option to all women.
Some will agree with me, and some will say I am going to hell, and that is okay. I am not writing about whether or not abortion should be legal. This is about Michelle Duggar speaking in Austin, Texas this week, and saying that abortion is a “Baby Holocaust”. Blessings to this woman and her family, but for the love of God, to make this comparison is simply ignorant and makes no sense to me.
Michelle Duggar, along with her husband Jim Bob, are the stars of the TLC reality show 19 Kids & Counting, which has been on television for eleven seasons. She is the mother of 19, does not believe in abortion, is openly pro-life, and not shy about sharing her opinion and religious beliefs. I do not know her, but am sure she is a perfectly lovely woman.
However, to compare abortion to Hitler’s attempt to eradicate the Jewish people is offensive to me as a woman, as a Jew, and as an intelligent human being. I didn’t really have an opinion on Mrs. Duggar until now, but will share that I think she is unaware and uneducated on the subject of the Holocaust. Shame on her for making such a hurtful statement.
The Holocaust was the systematic mass murder of six million Jews during World War ll. Not only were Jews persecuted, but also Jehovah’s Witnesses, Roma Gypsies, blacks, homosexuals, Priests and Pastors who would not accept the Nazi ideology, the disabled and handicapped. Eleven million people were murdered during the Holocaust.
It was heartbreaking to hear what Mrs. Duggar said. How is it possible that people are so uneducated about this time in history? How is possible that a seemingly lovely woman would say such an idiotic thing in order to push her own personal agenda? How is it possible that those who lost their lives during the Holocaust are disrespected in this way?
I worked for many years in Holocaust education and it hurts to my core that people do not understand the history. I would encourage Mrs. Duggar to get educated. She has 19 kids, and counting, so for her to pass along her ignorance to them is sad. This is not about God, religion, or abortion. This is about being educated and choosing your words wisely.
Religion is what gives many comfort, yet rips many apart. Politics are what make this country great, yet rips it apart. I share my opinion on politics and religion. I am always honest, try to always be respectful, and welcome feedback from those who agree, and those who do not. When it comes to the Holocaust however, I have no tolerance for ignorance.
I will happily educate Mrs. Duggar should we wish to talk about it. I am angry about her speech, but also sad. It made me cry to not only hear of her comments, but of the applause she received. I am sad, mad, scared, and frustrated. My heart is heavy, but I am speaking out for 11 million souls, and I pray that my son is always free to keep the faith.
July 7, 2013 | 9:56 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
After years of comments on my blog, and months of texting, I finally met the man we will call, the “Vegetarian”. The Vegetarian has been reading my blog on and off for years, comments often, and has not been shy about sharing his take on them. He shares not only his opinions, but his feelings, which have really come to matter to me. We have an unusual friendship.
There is no judgment. I think we are both intrigued by the other. He is curious about my ability to share my life in such a public way, and I am intrigued by his ability to be honest and open about how he views me through my work. I value the friendship we have built, and truly never thought we would meet in person. He would just be the guy who writes me.
The guy that is completely non-threatening and safe. I can tell him everything, and never have to worry about feeling embarrassed or uncomfortable because it is not only me sharing. He shares in return, so there is comfort in the give and take. He is kind and has become my go to man for a male perspective on how men view relationships.
He has comforted me when I cry about my broken heart, smiled with me when I talk about the love I have for my son, and laughed with me as we both stumble through our single lives at this stage of life. He has become my friend, so when we met yesterday there was no fear or nerves. I was just hanging out with a pal for movie and maybe some dinner.
There is no bullshit between us. There is no need. It is a friendship based on a desire to be connected to someone, not a romantic interest. I met him without worrying about how he thought I looked, or whether I would be attracted to him. There was no threat, no pressure, no expectations, and no obligation. It was a non-date, which made it wonderful.
Sidebar: It is lovely to date a vegetarian when you yourself are a vegetarian. He has been a vegetarian for decades and is much more disciplined than I am. I still occasionally have sushi, but he is hardcore. To go out for dinner with a vegetarian is really nice. To not have to watch my dining companion eat carcass is rather refreshing and I totally dug it.
We went to see the Israeli film “Fill the Void”. I highly recommend it. It was beautifully shot, showed the life of religious Jews in a beautiful way, and shared a story of loss and love in a profoundly moving story. It has won many awards internationally and if you can find it playing near you, go see it. You don’t have to be Jewish to appreciate the story.
After the movie we went for dinner. It was comfortable, but also slightly awkward. As I sat across from a man whose friendship I have come to trust, I found myself thinking about how handsome he was. As he touched my hand to make a point, I thought about how lovely he was. My confusion may have been seen as indifference, but it was actually fear.
We all know I am dealing with the loss of love, and clearly a bit of a mess, but as we had dinner I saw him in a different light, and it freaked me out a bit. I actually panicked because the safety with him comes from him being my friend, and if I view him as something else, then I put the friendship at risk, and the friendship means a great deal to me.
Our friendship has been very organic in how it started, how it built, and how I hope it will continue. He was my friend first, and he will be my friend last. The question becomes what to do in the middle. You cannot be friends with someone you have had a relationship with once the relationship ends. My last relationship is a testament to that.
I will over think, over analyze, and over complicate it all. I will think about my friend and our meeting. In the end I will let him guide us because I trust him. He is aware of my fragile heart and my lack of trust in my choices. He is my friend, he has no hidden agenda, he is lovely, and he knows that I am simply striving to keep the faith.
July 7, 2013 | 4:58 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I saw a movie today called “Sleeping With The Fishes” and I wanted write about it because it was really good. It is a small independent film written by Nicole Gomez Fisher. In reading about Nicole and the film, it is described as a Latino movie, but I saw it as a Jewish film with Jewish themes. The family in the film, like Nicole’s, has a Jewish father, a Puerto Rican mother who converts to Judaism, and two sisters. The mother is hilarious. She raised her kids Jewish, yet prays with rosary beads, and mixes Hebrew and Spanish in a funny and fabulous way, with perfectly placed guilt.
The film stars Gina Rodriguez, who is wonderful, Ana Ortiz, who I have long been a fan of, Priscilla Lopez, who is amazing, Tibor Feldman, who is terrific, and Steven Strait, who I did not know of, but now have a crush on. The casting really is spot on, and the film is charming and entertaining. I am not a fan of the title, and think people may skip over it just because of that, but the story is great. This is Ms. Fisher’s first movie, and not only did she write it, but she directed it also. She is very talented and I look forward to more from her. She wrote a movie with real truth.
It is a film about sisters, love, loss, acceptance, insecurity, guilt, family, and being unsure about how to move forward as an adult, when you are under the watchful eye of your parents. It is also about guilt. The kind that is placed upon us by our family, but also that we place upon ourselves. As adults we are often guilted into going home, or not coming home often enough, and we must be wise enough to see that going home is a blessing. Sleeping With the Fishes is a funny and touching film about a lovely Jewish/Latino family, and reminds us all to keep the faith.
July 5, 2013 | 10:29 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have been speaking with a gentleman friend recently about my last relationship, and opened up to him in a way that is both comforting, and disturbing. We have never met, or even spoken on the phone. He lives in Los Angeles, is divorced, a dad, Jewish, tall and handsome, yet we have never met. He asked me out on JDate years ago and I declined his invitation as his son was young and I was not interested in dating someone with young children. He is an avid reader of this blog and has been commenting on it for years. He is kind and gentle, and he gets me on a deep level through reading.
We have experienced similar heartache, and what he has managed to do over the past few years is get to know me with no judgment. He will often question what I write, but it is always about understanding what I mean, not judging. He is a lovely man. and while somewhat odd that we have never met, I have come to value his opinion. He is my friend, and last night we had a conversation that forced me to look at my past relationship. It has been over 3 months since the Englishman broke my heart, and so I am looking at our relationship through the rear view mirror.
I don’t think I have ever loved a man as much as I loved him. I loved him so much, I put his needs ahead of my own. I am a nurturing, giving, and unselfish partner in general, but it was on another level with him. I saw my future with him in it. I changed who I was for him, and while most of it was in a really good way, some of it was not. In staring in the rearview mirror, it is clear I spent over a year loving a man who was incapable of loving me in the same way. It turns out the man I revered and gave my entire heart to, was an asshole. It is that simple.
He did not set out to hurt me, and nothing was done with malice, but that does not mean he is not an ass. His treatment of me when we were together was kind, it is in his breaking up with me that he was an asshole. There was no kindness, compassion, or explanation. It was simply an email letting me know it was over, and that was it. I didn’t get to say goodbye, or thank you, or fuck you. After giving everything, I didn’t get the respect of him looking me in the eye and telling me he wanted something else. The lack of decency in how he broke my heart is shocking.
I have cried every single day since he broke up with me. Some days it is a single tear as I remember something he said or did, and some days I am a weeping mess on the floor. It is when I look in the rearview mirror that I get clarity and am able to stop crying. Sadly, all this time later, I still pray he will call me. Luckily I also pray that should he ever call, I will have the strength to not answer the phone. I miss him more than I should. He was my best friend and the loss is unbearable. It is as if he died and I got no closure, but he is actually fine.
I am sure he is happy, and I want him to be happy. I have not stopped loving him. I will love him always. I really thought that if we were to break up, we would remain friends, as our friendship was strong and important. In the end the friendship clearly meant something different to him than it did to me. My ego is bruised of course, but this is more about my heart than my ego. In fact, more than my heart, it is about my soul. When you meet someone who can see through to your soul, and they walk away from you, it is devastating.
He knows me so there is no way he cannot know the pain I have been in. Even with this knowledge, he still did what he did, the way he did, so the only conclusion I can reach is that he is an asshole. He broke my spirit. I will fix it of course, and I hate to give him power, but he broke me. In speaking with my gentleman friend, I see it sometimes takes a stranger to show you the way. He has been a lovely to me, when the Englishman could not. He taught me to look in the rearview mirror, which ultimately gives me the closure I seek.
It’s not really closure as I don’t think I will ever have that, but it has been helpful. When you spend so much time walking with someone, then realize you are walking alone, it takes a minute to get into a comfortable stride again. When you keep looking back, it is easy to misstep, trip, and slow yourself down. I am hopeful my glances in the rearview mirror will eventually stop, and that I will find someone new to walk with me. Time will tell. They say good things come to those who wait, and so I will wait, count my blessings, and keep the faith.
July 4, 2013 | 11:43 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
There is nothing wrong with America that cannot be cured by what is right with America.
~ William J. Clinton
From my family to yours, we hope you have a wonderful holiday with family and friends.
Be safe, have fun, and raise a glass to this great country of ours.
Our thanks and prayers go out to all those serving in the military, along with their families.
Your service and sacrifices are appreciated.
God Bless America.
Keep the faith.