Posted by Ilana Angel
I had a date last night. He said he was 5’10”, he was 5’7”. He said we should meet for a drink, so we met at a local bar, but he is sober and had a coke, so I had a drink by myself. He said he was born in Israel but raised in New York, but he has only been in the United Stated for 5 years. He said his kids were grown, but failed to mention that the kids from his first marriage were grown, but he has an 8 year old from his second marriage.
How is it possible that this man thinks his dating practices make sense? He is a liar, and the lies are obvious, so he comes off looking like a total idiot. Three inches is obvious so that lie is just pathetic. Taking a woman out for a drink when you don’t drink is just awkward. We could have met for a walk, or a coffee, or desert. There are so many things to do on a date that do not involve drinking, so why do something that you don’t even do?
If you are from a foreign land that has an accent when speaking English, and you have not been here that long, the accent will give away the fact that you were not raised here. Own it instead of lying about how long you’ve been here. To completely skip over one of your children makes you a moron. That a man seemingly forgets to mention a child is offensive to me as a mother and I do not want to get to know you on any level. It’s just mean.
I will never get how these men think. I say these men because this is not the first time a man has lied on a date. I don’t think it is limited to online dating either. If you are actually planning to meet people, then shouldn’t you try to put your best foot forward and save the lies for later? Or, perhaps just not lie at all? What is the appeal of lying? One can only assume that the lies mean they are not really interested in being serious.
Here’s the thing, there are a lot of people online who will date a liar because they are liars. People want to pretend they are someone else, so those people should pretend with each other and leave the serious people to date serious people. An unrealistic expectation of course, but still, what the hell was he thinking? I managed to stay on the date for 45 minutes before I made the great escape. 45 minutes was my limit on this one.
I told him I needed to go help my son who had a flat tire. I felt bad for about it for about 10 seconds, then got over it. My son called while I was out so I took his call, and when he hung up I kept talking to a dead line and pretended he needed me to help him. Sorry. I thanked him for the drink, told him we were not a match, and headed out. He called me about an hour later to make sure all was well and asked me to go out again.
When he asked me out I had two choices. I could tell him the truth, or become what he was, which is a liar. I opted to be myself and tell the truth. I called him out on his height, his accent, and the fact that he skipped over one of his kids. He told me he really was 5’10” and clearly I don’t know what that looks like. He then said his accent was not that bad, and as for his kid, he said it simply slipped his mind that his son was so young,
Really? For the love of God. I laughed, wished him well, and wrapped it up. I had another drink at home, and went to bed. It was 9:30. Ah the life of a single gal in Los Angeles. I have another date this weekend with a man that I actually asked out. We have spoken on the phone a few times and so we’ll see if what we spoke about is actually true. A girl can dream. It really makes me wonder about how it is for men who are dating.
Do women lie as much? I cannot imagine a woman forgetting to mention one of her kids. I understand lies about height, weight, and age, but I’m guessing men lie about those things more than women. The accent was my fault because I did not speak to him prior to the date. It was spontaneous and quick so there was no call. Big mistake. If I have talked to him I would have caught the first lie immediately and that might have helped.
Dating is not fun. The thought of meeting someone great is fun, but the actually job of dating is lame. I shall keep trying because if nothing else it makes for a good blog. At some point however, it will become too much and I will opt for another cat over another date. All I can do is pray I find a keeper before I hit the wall. Good things come to those who wait so maybe I should just wait. Give up dating, and simply keep the faith.
12.19.13 at 2:57 am | My son has a free schlepping service.
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played.
12.11.13 at 6:58 am | I watch in awe and stare with envy at these. . .
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (460)
12.12.13 at 8:05 am | Well played my son. Well played. (401)
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (265)
August 22, 2013 | 12:45 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Just when I think I have heard it all, I come across a man that reminds me there is nothing more horrific than dating. I often wonder if these men are only found in Los Angeles. Is LA the hardest city In the world to date? I live here so of course I will say yes, but I’m guessing women around the world think their city is worse. In the end men are men, and no matter where they live, when it comes dating, men are crazy.
I don’t date women, so I will make this about men, but I know it goes both ways and there is a lot of crazy from the chicks too. The truth is that dating is hard. People who are already crazy become crazy on a whole new level when they are dating. Today I got an email from a man who makes me want to convert to Catholicism and become a nun so dating is no longer an option. A bold statement for a Jew. Dear Lord.
This is the email I received this morning: “I enjoyed reading your profile and it appears we have a lot in common. Take a look at mine and let me know if you are interested in pursuing something. I am looking for a woman who likes sex and golf. I will need you to be involved in both or it won’t work. They are my passions and require your passion so if you can dive in and keep up you are someone I want to be involved with.”
Really? One must laugh at things like this you will loose your mind. I wonder if he knows he is a moron and that a nice Jewish girl from the valley would rather be a nun than go out on a date with him. I will usually delete ridiculous emails like this, but I am going to hang onto this one. It was a mortifying note and I almost wrote him back. Important to note he is 51, separated, has 3 or more kinds, and sports a comb over.
I appreciate the interest when a man writes me because it requires bravery to contact a stranger, but this man needs a little advice on his journey to find someone. Men should not write a woman they do not know and tell her sex and golf are mandatory in order to date them. First of all, before men start making demands of the women they want to date, they might want to get themselves a good haircut and finalize their divorce.
Sex is important in a relationship, but a date is not a relationship. I would keep that requirement to myself until I actually meet someone and might have sex. As for golf, I don’t play it, or get it, and have no desire to learn. I will however drive a golf cart for the man I love and sip on a cocktail while he plays his beloved sport. Saying a woman is required to love golf knocks out great women who hate it, but will take one for the team.
Men are a strange. They are also fabulous, so if one can overlook the strange and search for the fabulous, great things can happen. I pray that each loser gets me closer to the right one. I also believe someone’s loser is someone else’s Price Charming, so to the woman who loves golf and sex, I wish you the best with your new man. The search continues. I am exhausted by the whole thing, but also hopeful, and keeping the faith.
August 21, 2013 | 8:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have had no contact with my ex-boyfriend for months. I have spent all that time hopeful we would be able to be friends one day. I truly thought our relationship was something special and we would be able to get over the hurt and come to a place of friendship. It has not happened, and the truth is it probably never will. I have been waiting for something that makes no sense, and in the end something that is unrealistic.
I was contacted last week by his children. I have not seen them in months, and our communication has been very minimal. It has been a source of pain for me because I love these two sisters very much. I respect them as people, think they are remarkable women, and have been sad to not have contact. I felt it was not my place to reach out, so I shut out these girls to protect myself, which was not right.
Last night my son and me had dinner with the girls. I was nervous and felt anxious about it all day. I cried at the sight of them and was touched by the beautiful bouquet of flowers they brought me. We laughed and cried and got caught up. We spoke of their father of course, but it was not about him, it was about us. We have a deep love for each other and that they want to continue a relationship with me is very special.
When I met them I loved them because of their father. Now I love them in spite of their father. They are not my children, but they are my friends, and they matter to me. I want to be there for them in any way that they need, and I did not realize it until last night. I was so worried about doing the wrong thing, that I did not notice I was actually doing the wrong thing. If there is blame to be placed, it must be placed on me.
This is not about my past relationship. I loved him and I would not change that. I love him now and I always will. I cannot punish his children or myself that it didn’t work out. My son loves these girls. They are like siblings and they have all kept their distance out of loyalty and love to their parents. As parents however, we need to encourage children to stay connected to each other. They have a close bond and it matters.
I am a lucky woman to have loved this man and the best parts of him are these two young women. I feel blessed that they were strong enough to reach out to me, It was hard for them because they were unsure if I would be receptive. In the end there is love and we are lucky that we got back on track. I went to bed feeling devastated by the visit, but woke up feeling happy, content and restored. It is a good day.
I have these girls back in my life and it is wonderful. Their father knew of their plans to see me and that he did not try to stop it makes me happy. He may not be able to be my friend, but that he is okay with my being friends with his children is lovely. I wish him nothing but good things and I hope he is happy. Life goes on and I am lucky that these children loved me enough to reach out, hang on, and keep the faith.
August 16, 2013 | 8:38 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I wrote a man on Match.com this week. His profile was beautifully written, lacked the typical stench of online dating crap, and he was just the right amount of sarcastic and funny. He is handsome, smart, Jewish, and entertaining. He wrote back and we ended up speaking on the phone. It was an easy and comfortable conversation. We had a lot in common and I was surprised by how “normal” he was. It was a very nice exchange and I liked him a lot.
We spoke again later in the day and it was great. He is very easy to talk to and I laughed easily and often. I wonder if it is because he is not from Los Angeles, and has a more Canadian vibe, being from upstate New York. He lacks pretention and smugness, which I found to be really attractive. He is adorable and I have a little bit of a crush on him. After two phone calls however, we spoke of plans to meet, but he did not ask me out.
Dating online is a numbers game. I get written to a lot but there are very few men I actually go out with. When you come across someone that you would actually go on a date with, and they don’t ask, it is frustrating. It is also confusing. If he liked me would he not ask me out? Is he just being nice? Am I in the friend zone and therefore not getting a date? The most secure person can be made to feel out of control and desperate.
Not desperate for a date, but desperate for clarification. I have old fashioned views in terms of men and women and their roles, but at the same time I am bold and fearless in how I approach dating, so the question becomes: should a woman ask a man out or wait for him to ask her? Instead of worrying about why a man does not ask you out, why not just ask him out yourself? What is the worse thing that can happen? He says no?
I spoke to this man a couple more times and again, great. After 4 phone calls, and talk of getting together, I decided I was simply going to ask him out. I panicked for a minute and asked my Twitter and Facebook followers if it was appropriate for a woman to ask a man out. The responses were interesting, but not very helpful. I heard from men and women, and it was a split decision of both good and bad for me to ask him out. Oy vey.
The biggest problem I have with dating is me. I over think everything and assume there is some big thing going on that I need to figure out. The fact is that dating is very simple. You meet someone, decide if they are worth pursuing, move forward if you do, and move on if you don’t. People say it is the heart that confuses things, but before the heart is even involved, it is the brain that screws us up. Dating requires us to stop thinking.
So I had plans with a friend for dinner this week and she cancelled because of work. I was having a particularly fabulous hair day and didn’t want to waste it, so I decided to be brave, stop thinking about it, and ask him out. I asked, and he said yes. He hadn’t asked because he is working on a project for work and unavailable until next week. Why didn’t I think the reason he hadn’t asked me out was because he is a busy professional and dad?
We made plans to meet next week and I am looking forward to it. I was happy I asked, he was gracious and flattered that I asked, and life goes on. I think we will go out next week, and the thing is that if we don’t, it will still be okay. I am dating and it sucks, but it is better if I allow myself to be me and me has no problem asking a man out. The truth is that a man who does not like a woman to ask him out is probably not the man for me.
If I am able to decide where to go on a date, whether or not to kiss a man, make out with a man, and sleep with a man, then why am I so hesitant to ask out a man? Instead of thinking I am brave, I need to remember I am brave.. I asked a man out and the world didn’t stop turning. Go figure. The key to finding love is to be yourself, and I ask men out, so we’ll see if my bravery pays off and he really liked it. Until then, I am keeping the faith.
August 12, 2013 | 10:22 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
What is it with men and babies? A man asked me out last week who is 53 years old, divorced, has 4 kids, and would like to have another one. Really? For the love of God, what is this man thinking? If he had a baby yesterday, he would be 73 years old when the kid graduated high school. I am 47, my only child is 17, and I am done having babies. A baby now would put me over the edge. Don’t misunderstand, I LOVE babies and wish I could have had more, but having a baby when you are middle aged is simply not appealing.
If he didn’t have any kids I might understand, but with 4 children already, ranging in age from 8-27, I just don’t get it. Being a parent is the greatest joy in life, if you want children, but at what point does having a child not make sense anymore? Is he trying to recapture his youth? Reverse the hands of time and be young through his kids? Does he have something to prove? Perhaps he wants to date a younger woman and thought putting it out there that he wants more kids will make him more attractive?
Mother Nature limits the time women can carry a child, but men can have babies forever. Just because you can, does not mean you should. I told the lovely yet delusional man that we were not a match. I did however accept an invitation to drinks from anther man. In all of his online pictures he was wearing sunglasses. Odd to be sure, but I let is pass because he was insanely funny. I actually asked him about the pictures and he laughed it off saying he never even noticed all the pictures were of him in sunglasses.
We met for a drink and he was lovely. Funny, sweet, charming, and sporting a glass eye. He never told me it was a glass eye and I am not an expert on glass eyes, but I am pretty sure it was in fact a glass eye. I found it a little distracting and the truth is that if I had a glass eye I would probably not tell someone I was meeting for a drink. It was just odd. In the end we had different interests and while kind, he was not for me. It is just a shame that in the end I will remember the eye more than the actual date.
Does that make me a bad person? I have horrible eyesight and am not really bothered by a glass eye, but it was strange and I felt bad about it. He had written me the perfect online dating email that was sort and sweet. I am a fan of the basic email approach, not the long drawn out email. I got another email this weekend that was at least one full page. He spoke of his desires and dreams and it was creepy. I don’t want to know your fantasies and desires when I don’t know who you are. Who even thinks that is okay?
I read the entire email only because I was fascinated, not because it was interesting. I wrote him back and said we were not a match, but what I really wanted to tell him is that he is weird and needs to rethink his approach. I am certain it is the same email he sends to everyone, so maybe some chicks like it? I would say that those women are also weird. Online dating is a strange thing. It is an experiment, a job, a punishment, and a pain in the ass. It is also a necessary thing in the times we live in.
I had a lovely couple of dates with the Mechanic and thought that might be something. We met online and he was a breath of fresh air in a cloud of toxic gas. In the end he was not sure he was looking for monogamy. Really? We didn’t sleep together of course, and now there is no shot in hell of that ever happening. I respect his being honest, but he went from delicious to douchebag in one minute. It could be that he knew it was a deal breaker and simply didn’t want to sleep with me, so he used monogamy to get out.
Everyone says that men are simple and if women stop trying to figure them out we would be better off. I happen to think that men may be simple in some ways, but they are also confused, complicated, and frankly stupid. There is no point in trying to figure them out as it will never happen. That said, when I meet a man I don’t need to figure out, he will be the one. Women may like to follow the rules, but men like to play games, and they make up their own rules. The problem is that the rules keep changing.
At the end of the day one must laugh at the whole thing. If you are going to date online and don’t have a sense of humor about it, you don’t stand a shot in hell of ever finding a keeper. There are no guarantees in life or love. Online dating is a crapshoot and so one must be willing to gamble. I’ve never understood craps and maybe that is my problem. I keep rolling the dice with no idea of what is a good roll and what is bad. All I can do is keep trying, keep an open mind, keep laughing, keep focused, and keep the faith.
August 8, 2013 | 7:23 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
This afternoon I broke a nail. They were long and I knew it was going to happen, so I immediately called my nail girl and was told she could not see me until tomorrow. The thing with nails is that if one breaks, I take it as a sign I should bite the other ones so they are even. I have a small window of time to get it taken care of it before I ruin the rest, which I always do.
I was in Hollywood, having just been to a meeting, and knowing my girl was not available, I went into a small nail shop and asked if someone could file down my nails and do a polish change. If they are even and nicely painted I will leave them alone. It felt a little bit like I was cheating on my beloved Julie the nail girl, but it needed to be done, and fast, so it was on.
I picked my color, a lovely garnet red, and took a seat. I explained to the young woman that I needed her to file them down to the length of the broken one and paint them. She got to working and I noticed the woman next to me was glancing my way. I smiled and tried to not notice how short her skirt was, or that her eye makeup was heavier than a Kardashian’s.
It was not an outfit I would wear in the afternoon, or ever, but bless her for rocking it. The nail girl asked me if I lived in the neighborhood and I told her it was an emergency visit and I lived in the valley. She told me I needed to come back to see her, and continued with her small talk. She asked what I did, I told her I was a writer, she smiled and congratulated me.
It was the cutest thing. She said congratulations. I laughed a little, turned to the woman next to me, and was immediately asked if I was Ilana Angel. I paused for a quick second not sure what was happening and if I should lie, but then simply said yes. Before I could apologize for not remembering if we had met, she told me she was a fan of my blogs and read daily.
It was very sweet. She was so happy to talk to me that it made me feel humbled and proud. We got to chatting about some of my recent postings, and hearing her take was really interesting. I forget sometimes that people are reading, and to have strangers relate to my life and how I write about it, is fascinating. We began a spirited and hilarious conversation.
Turns out my new friend is very opinionated. We share a lot of the same views, and on the things where we don’t, she was not shy about telling me so. It was then that she told me she was a hooker. We spoke about the blog I wrote on whores and she said she was not offended by the word whore. At the end of the day she was a whore, and that was just a fact.
She went on to tell me that I only ever wrote one thing that bothered her. She may not always agree with me, but one thing pissed her off. I was hanging on every word of this woman. She was smart, articulate, and animated. I found myself laughing and wanting to move closer, just to be near her. I insisted she tell me what I wrote that annoyed her.
In a truly perfect moment she told me she gets pissed off when I call LeAnn Rimes a whore because Rimes gives whores a bad name. Oh. My. God. I’m in Hollywood talking to a real life hooker and she is angry about sharing a title with Rimes? I burst into hysterical laughter. Perfection. Of all the things I write this is the thing to piss her off? I now loved her.
By now she had selected a chocolate color for my nails, thinking the garnet would make me look like a hooker. I LOVE her. As we both got our nails painted the same color, and after I apologized for offending her, we got to talking about her and her work. Important to note I promised not to write anything that she told me, but got permission to say she was a hooker.
Her story was sad but funny. She was beautiful but wounded. I think she is a remarkable woman and at only 26 has lived many lives. She works hard and has a plan for her life. She made me laugh, cry, think, feel, pray, and reflect. It was a remarkable conversation and as I type this, looking down on my chocolate covered nails, I am smiling at the blessing of meeting her.
I stayed with my new friend long after our nails were dry. I offered to pay for her nails, but she would not let me. I offered to give her my phone number so we could perhaps have lunch, and she refused. She told me LeAnn Rimes was garbage and that I was magic. She said my blogs made her laugh and she felt normal relating to someone normal. Normal?
I assured her I was far from normal and she told me it didn't matter if I felt normal, what mattered is that I made her feel normal. Wow. I hugged my new friend and told her she made my day. She hugged me back in a way that mattered. I could feel the hug all the way to my heart. Life is full of surprises and today the surprise was meeting someone very special.
To my new friend, who asked that I refer to her as “Vivian”, as in Pretty Woman, I know you are reading and I want you to know that I think you are fabulous. I will also clarify, when talking about LeAnn Rimes, she is a stupid whore, so as not to offend smart whores. I hope I see you again and you know how to find me. Be strong, be proud, call your mom, and keep the faith.
August 7, 2013 | 6:14 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I like men. I am raising a boy to be a man. A good man. I like men of all shapes and sizes. I have dated men who are short, tall, thin, heavyset, bearded, clean shaven, bald, and with a full head of hair. In terms of how someone looks, I tend to be attracted to bald men with blue eyes, but my heart trumps those things, and in the end I am most attracted to men who are funny, able to communicate, and share my faith.
I have dated hobbits in the past. By hobbit I mean men who are the same height, or shorter, than me. I am just shy of 5’4”. When I date a man my height we look like little people. I tend to wear flat shoes all the time because I am not a fan of being taller than my man. That’s just how I roll. I want to feel like a girl next to my partner and height plays into that. If I am in flats it’s all good, so that is what works for me.
I have dated bears in the past. By bears I mean men who are large framed. There is something quite comforting about dating a larger sized man. It makes me feel like a little peanut next to a bear. When I am dating a bear I tend to wear more dresses and play with my hair. I don’t know why. I somehow feel dainty when next to a bear. I still wear flat shoes because I like the feeling of a big strong man taking care of me.
I have dated giants in the past. By giants I mean men who are over 6”. There is something very sexy about a tall man. When I am dating someone very tall, I break out the highest heals I can manage. I will rock the stilettos for a giant. I stand taller, embrace my femininity, and feel like a lady next to a giant. I somehow feel the need to be taller with a giant. Maybe I don’t want to miss what is happening up there.
Last night I met a giant for a drink. In typical online dating fashion, he lied about his height. This lie was a little different however. He listed his height as 6’2” when he was in fact 6’7”. Now that is a giant. He said that he lies about his height because he finds he is simply too tall for a lot of women. I thought he was 6’2” so I wore heels, but I was still a little person next to him. He is the tallest man I have ever been out with.
At one point I took my shoes off to stand next to him, just to see what it would feel like and let me just say, wow. He was truly a giant and I felt a little intimidated. It felt like he could pick me up and toss me across the room, which I am not ashamed to say was kind of awesome. I’m not sure why I adjust slightly when dating hobbits, bears, or giants, but I always do, and the pattern is the same. It got me thinking about men.
Do men worry about what category women place them in? Does a short man care that he is short? Does a bear worry about his weight? Does a giant wish he didn’t have to stand up when meeting women? Women always worry about their bodies, but do men? We compare ourselves to each other, and even a woman with what one would think is a perfect body, is going to complain about something and wish it were different.
Physical attraction is important. There has got be something about the person you are dating that turns you on sexually, but is the search for that thing going to stop us from meeting the perfect partner? Can Prince Charming or the girl of your dreams be living in the body of a hobbit, giant, or bear? At what point do people let go of looks and forward on who you are? Or is that even possible in the world we live in?
I have loved a hobbit and though he was small, I have never felt safer next to a man. I was married to a giant and years after our divorce I still marvel at how tall he is, and how tiny I feel next to him. I was engaged to a bear and always got a kick out of the fact that I could stand behind him and from the front nobody could see me. There are advantages to dating all three types, dating a giant however, does provide the best shoes.
In the end we all have a certain type of person that we are attracted to, and that maters. I think the key to finding love however, lies in being able to think outside the box, or the body in this case, and open our minds to the possibility that a great love might come in a body that we were not expecting. There are no guarantees in love of course, but we can increase our chances if we open our minds and keep the faith.
August 4, 2013 | 2:07 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I was recently written to by a man who is 38 and thinks I should take a chance and go out with him. At 47, that would make me a cougar. I don’t date men who are younger than me, and I think the biggest age difference I’ve ever had in terms of a younger man was less than 3 years. I am just not into younger men because at this age it can be a little complicated.
If a younger man has kids, they will probably be young and I am not interested in dating a man with young kids. If they have no kids, they may say they don’t want any, but I’m not sure I believe that. What if I date a younger man, we begin a relationship, then he decides he wants kids? I don’t want to have more kids, plus my eggs are poached.
In terms of an active sex life, one could argue that a younger man is a good thing. They are perhaps more sexual than older men, but I would counter that older men can keep up, you just need to find one that still cares about sex in the same way that you do. A woman in her 40’s is at her sexual prime, and I can see the advantage to sexual relations with a young stud.
I view sex much differently now than I did a decade ago in my 30’s. There is a freedom that comes with knowing who you are. I love my body, am clear on what my talents are, and rather than focus on sucking in my stomach or making sure my hair lies perfectly on a pillow, I can focus on how great sex is and enjoy myself without over thinking the whole thing.
I am still a girl of course, so there is a certain amount of crap in what I say in terms of sex, because at my core I want a real relationship, not just a sex partner. There is the challenge. I am at a place where my sex can be really great, but there is nobody to have sex with. It would appear that options for women my age lean towards being a cougar, or a cat lady.
My son has a cat. She is beautiful and I love her, but she is his cat and he adores her. I felt bad for her being home alone a lot, so I got her a cat. The cat has a cat, and I have no cats. I care for them for my son, but they are not mine. Now he will go off to university next year and leave the cats with me, but they will still be his cats, so I am not a cat lady.
With every bad date I think I should visit the animal shelter, get a cat for myself and call it a day. Important to note that I am allergic to cats and having these animals in my home has resulted in my taking daily allergy medication. In the end I am not a good candidate to be a cat lady, and have no interest in being a cougar, so where does that leave me?
I am at a crossroad and frustrated to be in an emotional holding pattern. I am a woman who loves deeply and wants love in her life. I am at my best in a relationship. Not because I need a man, but because I like what comes with being in a relationship. Friendship, trust, communication, sex, partnership, and not being lonely. I want those things for myself.
I recently met a man who has changed things up a bit. We will call him the Mechanic. We had a great connection on the phone, but our first date was a bit of a struggle in terms of conversation. That said, I felt drawn to him in a way I have not felt in a while. We had enough of a nice time to go out again. Second dates are a big deal to me, so this was interesting.
Important to note that he is not really a mechanic. I generally refer to people on my blog by their work, place of origin, or sometimes by the food they eat, but in this case I was not sure what to use. In the end he is like a great mechanic in that he is tweeking me to make me run smoothly. To clarify, I don't need him to fix me, but it does feel good to be restored.
I saw him last night and it was wonderful. I like him and there is no bullshit because everything is out on the table. He knows I am struggling with trust and heartache, and he proceeds with caution. He is allowing me to find my way without pressure, and I appreciate it. We talk about things without fear, which is liberating. He is a lovely man and makes me laugh.
There are no expectations, rules, or demands. He is finding his way also, and that takes pressure off. We are becoming friends, which is important. He is a phenomenal kisser, which is also important. In not having to define what we are, I am able to be myself. I have moments of bravery that he embraces, and moments of fear, which he allows me to have.
The Mechanic appears to be a good man. I don’t know what we are doing, and it does not matter, because for the first time in months I feel like I am taking steps forward. Baby steps, but still steps. I was frozen for a long time and he has gently taken my hand and pulled me ahead, without giving me a push I am not ready for. We are going slow and being cautious.
When you meet someone wonderful and are not emotionally ready to meet them, it will never work. If you allow yourself to get ready, and find a man who is willing to go slow while you figure it out, you are reminded there are good men, and if we can just get out of our own way, great things can happen. The key is to not think too much, go slowly, and keep the faith.