Posted by Ilana Angel
May you be inscribed in
the Book of Life
for a year filled with
health, happiness and peace.
God Bless you and your family,
and may you always
Keep the Faith.
12.5.13 at 3:16 pm | Heaven has received a blessing today.
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . .
11.30.13 at 10:42 am | "The only correct actions are those that demand. . .
11.29.13 at 1:56 pm | My nest will never empty as my son will always be. . .
11.28.13 at 7:59 am | Think. Laugh. Cry.
11.26.13 at 7:06 am | God places love where we don't always see it.
7.25.11 at 5:38 pm | We need more Jews! (311)
9.15.13 at 3:14 pm | I love you Russell Brand. (304)
12.3.13 at 3:05 pm | Every time I go into the kitchen I half expect to. . . (246)
September 2, 2013 | 9:17 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I am not a fan of LeAnn Rimes. I enjoy her older music and there is no denying she used to be a talented singer, but as a woman, I have no respect for her. LeAnn Rimes is young. I was not nearly as dumb or immature at 31 that she is, but still, she is young and her dysfunctional childhood has clearly stunted her development. In my opinion, she is desperate for love and attention. She is willing to have anyone love her and will do anything to get that love. I understand she met a married man and fell in love with him. It happens all the time and the fact is many famous women have done the same thing and do not face the palpable hatred directed at Rimes.
Angelina Jolie, Julia Roberts, Elizabeth Taylor, and Camilla Parker Bowles all had affairs with married men who they then married themselves. You would be hard pressed to find the level of hatred Rimes gets, or the length of time the hate has been directed to her. The hate does not come from her affair. That does not inspire hate as much as disappointment. The hate comes from the way Rimes has handled herself since her affair. She is rude, mean, selfish, vindictive, and vicious. That is why people hate her. She is also delusional about her role as the wife of a man with children. She is simply too selfish to put herself in the shoes of a mother.
I write the truth about LeAnn Rimes because nobody else does. I write things about her that are proven, often in her own words. I have said before, and will say again, when she drops her lawsuit against Kim and Lexi Smiley, I will stop writing about her. I will continue to support the Smiley family in any way I can. Yesterday things took an interesting turn. LeAnn has written that she pays no attention to me, does not read my blogs, does not follow my tweets, and does not check my Facebook. The letters from her lawyer and publicist would indicate otherwise. She is a nasty and vindictive woman and yesterday I believe she was an anti-Semite.
It is a strong and ugly accusation to be sure, but it is my belief. Her followers went to town on me yesterday. The level of hate and mockery of my faith was heartbreaking. I don’t care if people talk about my writing, or my looks, but when they talk about my faith I will not look away. As a Jew I am painfully aware of the history of my people and what can happen when people look away. Dramatic? No. Do not talk about my faith. Make fun of my faith, or the history of my people and know I am coming. I will not stand for it. When LeAnn’s fans were writing anti-Semitic things to me she read, responded to them with love and kindness, and never said stop.
Calling LeAnn Rimes a home wrecker, is simply fact. Calling her a liar, is simply fact. Calling her a bully, is simply fact. I am not harassing her, I am talking about what she does, with proof, and I write about it because she is in the public eye and that is what I do. I have never once spoken of her faith. In fact, if anyone ever writes something unflattering to me about faith, regardless of the religion, I will immediately say it is wrong and block that person from contacting me. I am a practicing Jew and as a woman of faith I believe in God, regardless of what people call him. Hate is taught and when you see it, and do nothing, you are teaching hate. Period.
It is time for LeAnn Rimes to grow up. When her fans wore t-shirts that were derogatory to the mother of her husband’s children, she congratulated them and allowed them to be worn in front of the children. When her fans wrote hateful things about my religion, she showed them love. What is wrong with this woman? Too many things to talk about and I am not a doctor. What I am is a Jew. I am a proud Jew who is so firmly rooted in my religion that I am able to appreciate and have an open heart to other religions. God is good and this hurts not only me, but my God. To Ms. Rimes, I suggest you take a look at yourself and start keeping the faith.
September 1, 2013 | 7:55 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
This week, while running an errand in Hollywood, I came upon a young man on the street. He looked a little bit like Jesus as he had a beard and was wearing a long white tunic of some kind. As I approached him, he asked me if I had any spare crack. I stopped for a second because I was not sure I heard him correctly. He asked again if I had any crack to spare.
I think I may have chuckled and quickly informed him I did not have any extra crack. It was about 90 degrees so I asked him if he would like a bottle of water. I had a nice cold bottle in my bag and was happy to give it to him. He said no thanks, he just needed the crack. He thanked me for the offer and told me to have a good day. It was all very strange.
As I walked off I wondered about this young man and how it was that he got to where he was. It was both sad and funny that he turned down the water. I was also curious if anyone walking along Sunset Boulevard actually had some spare crack for him. This man was someone’s child and as I drove home thinking of him, I started to cry. He was a tragic figure to me.
When I see someone else’s child suffering it makes me think of my own child. My son is amazing and I love him very much. He is away for the long weekend in San Francisco and it has been hard for me. He will be going to college next year and every time he is away now, I feel the sadness of an empty nest. It will be very hard for me when he goes away to school.
It is an accomplishment for me to even say he is going away. I figure baby steps are required and if I keep saying he is going, when he actually goes, I will be prepared. That won’t happen, but I’m trying. I’m emotional this weekend with him gone. I have been home and feeling a little sorry for myself as I found out the Englishman has himself a new girlfriend.
In the months since we broke up, or rather since he broke up with me, I have been heartbroken and thought he must also be sad that we did not work out. Turns out he has been just fine and began dating a woman almost immediately after we broke up. If I am going to be honest, I will acknowledge he was probably dating her while we were together too.
We have not been together for months and it was silly to think he was not seeing anyone just because I wasn’t, but it still makes me sad that he recovered so quickly. It makes our love look irrelevant when he found new love so quickly. Ridiculous for me to even be thinking this way, but I am a girl and this is how we roll. We are ruled by emotion not logic.
As I sat at home wallowing in self-pity, my friend Brandi invite me over for taco night with her and her kids. I accepted but immediately started to think of reasons not to go. The thought of actually getting out of bed seemed impossible, but in the end I figured I would go for a glass of wine and be back in bed in an hour. Turns out taco night eased my sorrow.
Our friend Jennifer came over and dinner quickly became a therapy session. My friends lifted me up and led me to the light. More importantly, they allowed me to see myself as they do, which is very different from how I was seeing my self. My friends see me as a strong, funny, beautiful, compassionate, and kind person. That is how I need to see myself.
When your heart is broken it affects your memory. You forget all the things that were wrong in your relationship, and it is your girlfriends who remind you of the bad stuff so you can see you are better off. I loved this man very much but in the end he was not the man for me. That is a difficult pill to swallow. It is natural to blame yourself, but it is exhausting.
My friends are beautiful women. It does not matter if you are a hobbit or a supermodel, when a woman’s heart breaks, it breaks the same for all of us. I have been so sad that being alone felt good. It took taco night with friends, and 4 rambunctious young boys running around, to snap me out of it. Being alone is not the answer to a broken heart, living life is the answer.
The best thing we can do for ourselves as women, is to see ourselves like our friends do. I had forgotten exactly how fabulous I am. I am not perfect, but I am a decent, kind, funny, and wonderful woman. I deserve to be with a man who sees these things and does not require me to change. I woke up today feeling good, knowing I am worthy, and keeping the faith.
August 29, 2013 | 2:20 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have had a series of unfortunate dates. I am not sure how it is that I keep meeting men who are so horrible, but I do. In meeting men who are repulsive, you can’t help but look back at past relationships and compare the old to the new. Were my past relationships with men who were unworthy? Were they the right men at the wrong time? Am I dating the same type of man as always? It makes me wonder, if I look back, will I be able to see ahead?
Do I need to pick a different type of man? There are similarities between the men I have been involved with, but are those bad things or just things? I have had three serious relationships in the past seventeen years. All ended badly. By badly of course I mean my heart was broken. When a serious relationship ends, and you have a child, the heartbreak doubles because you have to mend not only your broken heart, but that of your child, who also feels the loss.
The three men I have loved since I got divorced were all Jewish, handsome, and bad boys. One was a cheater, one was a liar, one was a cheater and a liar. I don’t take the cheating or lying personally. Years of therapy have given me that clarity. Jews and therapy go together like peanut butter and jelly. I am not ashamed to say I not only go to therapy, but I love it. I don’t think I loved the wrong men. I do think I stayed with men longer than I should have.
My son, who is approaching 18, has an interesting view of these three men. We spoke of them recently and I was fascinated by his perspective. My first serious relationship was when my son was 9 years old. I was engaged, and 6 weeks before our wedding he cheated on me. Turns out he cheated a lot. He was a pilot and enjoyed a little recreational sex while he was jetting around. He broke my heart. Turns out my son did not like him that much and was not disappointed.
He loved him because I did, not because he did. That is a powerful. I don’t want to be with someone who my son loves just because I do. I dodged a bullet on that one. I dated the 2nd man when my son was 12. He thought he was cool, but he did not love him. He thought of him more of a pal than anything else, and when that relationship ended he could not have cared any less. That man was a liar in the end and I don’t think of him in any real way now.
My son was 15 when I began dating the Englishman. As much as I loved him, which was deep and profound, my son may have loved him more. They were friends, confidents, partners in crime, and my son viewed him as my boyfriend, but also as a friend to him and a role model. The end of our relationship knocked me on my ass. It also broke my son’s heart, which in turn shattered mine into a million pieces. He was a cheater and a liar. I will never forgive him.
While I struggle to find lessons learned in past relationships, my son has learned many things. He has seen me laugh and cry because of love. He has a view of a woman’s heart that while sad for me to face, has taught him things about himself and what he sees as acceptable behavior for a man. He told me I don’t have to worry about a broken heart because he will always help put mine back together. He also said he respects me as a mother and a woman.
No matter how cloudy my view of men might be, it is when I look at my own baby, that I can clearly see what it means to be a good man. He is amazing and I love him more with each breath I take. He is not perfect of course, and will undoubtedly break a girl’s heart at some point, but that he views my heart with respect and love touches me. I have a remarkable child and I am proud of him, and me. I am worthy of a wonderful man and must simply keep trying.
In the end I do need to change the type of men I date. There is one thing the men I have loved share in common, and that is the asshole gene. I can deal with a man being an occasional schmuck, putz, and douche. That is in their DNA. Bless them. I must stay away from assholes however. No good can come from dating an ass. I take my share of responsibility for relationships ending, but the blame can firmly be placed on the shoulders of an asshole.
To be fair, it takes two to tango and placing blame is not necessary, or mature. It does make me feel better, but it is not necessary. Relationships come and go, and one must be grateful for feeling love, not matter how long it lasts. I will continue to date, hope, and try. More importantly, I will continue to pray. Pray that I can avoid assholes. They are hard to detect, and even harder to resist. I need to be brave, aware, and smart. All possible if I am keeping the faith.
August 25, 2013 | 2:21 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Last night I threw a drink in the face of my date. It was shocking to him and me both. I did not plan it, enjoy it, or feel any sense of accomplishment in my actions. It happened. I regret it. It was disrespectful to the man I was with, and while I believe it was justified, it was not polite, kind, or appropriate. Well, it was appropriate, but not kind.
We all have deal breakers when it comes to dating. It changes for everyone as what may be important to one, will not matter to the other. I have deal breakers, but would be hard pressed to come up with a list written in stone. For example, I would not date a smoker. I used to be a smoker however, so if someone were trying to quit, I would be open because I quit myself.
I have dated men who are tall, short, large, small, educated, and street smart. I have dated men who are lovely, and men who are not. Now schmucks seem to be my specialty, but even when in a relationship with a schmuck, there have been moments so wonderful, I have been able to overlook the profound level to which they are an asshole. It’s a gift.
Sadly, there are many women with this gift. The innate ability to allow your heart to override your brain, therefore staying in a relationship with a schmuck when you know you should run. I have had this gift for a very long time. My entire adult life actually. I like to think I learn from each loser, but I don’t. My romantic heart is fooled more often than not.
My heart is loving, giving, compassionate, and kind. My heart rules my romantic life, and also my real life, so I cannot try to change her, as it would change who I am as a human being. That said, she needs to wise up a little. Last night she took a giant leap forward in her journey to get some clarity, for at the first sight of a freak, she did right by me, and we ran.
My dated lasted about 15 minutes. That is how long it took for this man to offend me in such a way that left me gasping for air, frightened, and so desperate to leave that I threw a drink at him in order to shock him and delay his reaction long enough to get the hell out of there. I cried the entire drive home, and took an hour to drive 10 minutes incase he was following.
It sounds very dramatic, but the truth is it may have been dramatic only for me as I am not sure another woman would have reacted in the same way. I won’t repeat what was said, but it was a deal breaker for me. I take comfort in knowing that at the first sign of his being an ass, I walked away without lingering. A small step, but still a massive victory.
Turns out that when it comes to deal breakers I do have a list carved in stone. I will not tolerate a man who speaks about violence towards women or children. I am not interested in jokes, opinions, or thoughts that in any way condone violence towards a woman or a child. I also do not appreciate or put any entertainment value on jokes about Hitler or the Holocaust.
It got me to thinking about love and dating, hope and fear. My initial reaction last night was that I will never go another date. I have been blessed to know love, and the joy of having and raising a child, so it would not be unreasonable to think my blessings have already happened in the love department, and my focus should be on enjoying what I have.
Last night I came home broken. I was mortified by my date and struggled to shake it off. I ended up speaking late into the night with a new friend and I went to bed feeling better. It turns out that assholes are not that smart and show their true colors rather quickly. It is our job as women to pay attention. If we take a deep breath we can detect schmucks a mile away.
I am feeling blessed that my new friend unknowingly eased my sorrow and allowed me to get a good night sleep. I woke up feeling better. My son returned from sleeping at a friend’s house and we spent the morning together. He is an angel and I love him. He reminds me who I am, what I deserve, and that I will one day have it all if I keep the faith.
August 23, 2013 | 9:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I had a date last night. He said he was 5’10”, he was 5’7”. He said we should meet for a drink, so we met at a local bar, but he is sober and had a coke, so I had a drink by myself. He said he was born in Israel but raised in New York, but he has only been in the United Stated for 5 years. He said his kids were grown, but failed to mention that the kids from his first marriage were grown, but he has an 8 year old from his second marriage.
How is it possible that this man thinks his dating practices make sense? He is a liar, and the lies are obvious, so he comes off looking like a total idiot. Three inches is obvious so that lie is just pathetic. Taking a woman out for a drink when you don’t drink is just awkward. We could have met for a walk, or a coffee, or desert. There are so many things to do on a date that do not involve drinking, so why do something that you don’t even do?
If you are from a foreign land that has an accent when speaking English, and you have not been here that long, the accent will give away the fact that you were not raised here. Own it instead of lying about how long you’ve been here. To completely skip over one of your children makes you a moron. That a man seemingly forgets to mention a child is offensive to me as a mother and I do not want to get to know you on any level. It’s just mean.
I will never get how these men think. I say these men because this is not the first time a man has lied on a date. I don’t think it is limited to online dating either. If you are actually planning to meet people, then shouldn’t you try to put your best foot forward and save the lies for later? Or, perhaps just not lie at all? What is the appeal of lying? One can only assume that the lies mean they are not really interested in being serious.
Here’s the thing, there are a lot of people online who will date a liar because they are liars. People want to pretend they are someone else, so those people should pretend with each other and leave the serious people to date serious people. An unrealistic expectation of course, but still, what the hell was he thinking? I managed to stay on the date for 45 minutes before I made the great escape. 45 minutes was my limit on this one.
I told him I needed to go help my son who had a flat tire. I felt bad for about it for about 10 seconds, then got over it. My son called while I was out so I took his call, and when he hung up I kept talking to a dead line and pretended he needed me to help him. Sorry. I thanked him for the drink, told him we were not a match, and headed out. He called me about an hour later to make sure all was well and asked me to go out again.
When he asked me out I had two choices. I could tell him the truth, or become what he was, which is a liar. I opted to be myself and tell the truth. I called him out on his height, his accent, and the fact that he skipped over one of his kids. He told me he really was 5’10” and clearly I don’t know what that looks like. He then said his accent was not that bad, and as for his kid, he said it simply slipped his mind that his son was so young,
Really? For the love of God. I laughed, wished him well, and wrapped it up. I had another drink at home, and went to bed. It was 9:30. Ah the life of a single gal in Los Angeles. I have another date this weekend with a man that I actually asked out. We have spoken on the phone a few times and so we’ll see if what we spoke about is actually true. A girl can dream. It really makes me wonder about how it is for men who are dating.
Do women lie as much? I cannot imagine a woman forgetting to mention one of her kids. I understand lies about height, weight, and age, but I’m guessing men lie about those things more than women. The accent was my fault because I did not speak to him prior to the date. It was spontaneous and quick so there was no call. Big mistake. If I have talked to him I would have caught the first lie immediately and that might have helped.
Dating is not fun. The thought of meeting someone great is fun, but the actually job of dating is lame. I shall keep trying because if nothing else it makes for a good blog. At some point however, it will become too much and I will opt for another cat over another date. All I can do is pray I find a keeper before I hit the wall. Good things come to those who wait so maybe I should just wait. Give up dating, and simply keep the faith.
August 22, 2013 | 12:45 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Just when I think I have heard it all, I come across a man that reminds me there is nothing more horrific than dating. I often wonder if these men are only found in Los Angeles. Is LA the hardest city In the world to date? I live here so of course I will say yes, but I’m guessing women around the world think their city is worse. In the end men are men, and no matter where they live, when it comes dating, men are crazy.
I don’t date women, so I will make this about men, but I know it goes both ways and there is a lot of crazy from the chicks too. The truth is that dating is hard. People who are already crazy become crazy on a whole new level when they are dating. Today I got an email from a man who makes me want to convert to Catholicism and become a nun so dating is no longer an option. A bold statement for a Jew. Dear Lord.
This is the email I received this morning: “I enjoyed reading your profile and it appears we have a lot in common. Take a look at mine and let me know if you are interested in pursuing something. I am looking for a woman who likes sex and golf. I will need you to be involved in both or it won’t work. They are my passions and require your passion so if you can dive in and keep up you are someone I want to be involved with.”
Really? One must laugh at things like this you will loose your mind. I wonder if he knows he is a moron and that a nice Jewish girl from the valley would rather be a nun than go out on a date with him. I will usually delete ridiculous emails like this, but I am going to hang onto this one. It was a mortifying note and I almost wrote him back. Important to note he is 51, separated, has 3 or more kinds, and sports a comb over.
I appreciate the interest when a man writes me because it requires bravery to contact a stranger, but this man needs a little advice on his journey to find someone. Men should not write a woman they do not know and tell her sex and golf are mandatory in order to date them. First of all, before men start making demands of the women they want to date, they might want to get themselves a good haircut and finalize their divorce.
Sex is important in a relationship, but a date is not a relationship. I would keep that requirement to myself until I actually meet someone and might have sex. As for golf, I don’t play it, or get it, and have no desire to learn. I will however drive a golf cart for the man I love and sip on a cocktail while he plays his beloved sport. Saying a woman is required to love golf knocks out great women who hate it, but will take one for the team.
Men are a strange. They are also fabulous, so if one can overlook the strange and search for the fabulous, great things can happen. I pray that each loser gets me closer to the right one. I also believe someone’s loser is someone else’s Price Charming, so to the woman who loves golf and sex, I wish you the best with your new man. The search continues. I am exhausted by the whole thing, but also hopeful, and keeping the faith.
August 21, 2013 | 8:50 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
I have had no contact with my ex-boyfriend for months. I have spent all that time hopeful we would be able to be friends one day. I truly thought our relationship was something special and we would be able to get over the hurt and come to a place of friendship. It has not happened, and the truth is it probably never will. I have been waiting for something that makes no sense, and in the end something that is unrealistic.
I was contacted last week by his children. I have not seen them in months, and our communication has been very minimal. It has been a source of pain for me because I love these two sisters very much. I respect them as people, think they are remarkable women, and have been sad to not have contact. I felt it was not my place to reach out, so I shut out these girls to protect myself, which was not right.
Last night my son and me had dinner with the girls. I was nervous and felt anxious about it all day. I cried at the sight of them and was touched by the beautiful bouquet of flowers they brought me. We laughed and cried and got caught up. We spoke of their father of course, but it was not about him, it was about us. We have a deep love for each other and that they want to continue a relationship with me is very special.
When I met them I loved them because of their father. Now I love them in spite of their father. They are not my children, but they are my friends, and they matter to me. I want to be there for them in any way that they need, and I did not realize it until last night. I was so worried about doing the wrong thing, that I did not notice I was actually doing the wrong thing. If there is blame to be placed, it must be placed on me.
This is not about my past relationship. I loved him and I would not change that. I love him now and I always will. I cannot punish his children or myself that it didn’t work out. My son loves these girls. They are like siblings and they have all kept their distance out of loyalty and love to their parents. As parents however, we need to encourage children to stay connected to each other. They have a close bond and it matters.
I am a lucky woman to have loved this man and the best parts of him are these two young women. I feel blessed that they were strong enough to reach out to me, It was hard for them because they were unsure if I would be receptive. In the end there is love and we are lucky that we got back on track. I went to bed feeling devastated by the visit, but woke up feeling happy, content and restored. It is a good day.
I have these girls back in my life and it is wonderful. Their father knew of their plans to see me and that he did not try to stop it makes me happy. He may not be able to be my friend, but that he is okay with my being friends with his children is lovely. I wish him nothing but good things and I hope he is happy. Life goes on and I am lucky that these children loved me enough to reach out, hang on, and keep the faith.