January 27, 2010 | 2:39 pm

Millionaire Matchmaker Must Be Cancelled [removed]

Posted by Ilana Angel

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January 26, 2010 | 2:35 pm

The Bachelor Massacre

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night was good.  Some of the girls are getting meaner and some are getting dumber.  The best part was that Jake finally went from just that guy, to a man.  He gathered up his cojones and delivered the massacre we have all been waiting for.

The show starts with the girls giving up the bachelorette pad for good.  They are going to cruise up the California coast in two RV’s.  They split up into groups and everyone is praying they don’t have to be with Vienna.  Poor Vienna.  She is my top choice at this point and truly the only real chick there.  Who knew?

The girls all hate her, but for some reason think Ali is the angel.  I got sucked into her too but the spell is broken.  She is mean, and if Jake picks her, he is in for a life of misery.  She went from being my top pick to being the one I want to have a humiliating departure.  Ugly, ugly girl.

They get to wine country and pull into a beautiful vineyard.  The girls will be sleeping in the RV’s and Jake has a tent set up.  Like I’m buying that he will sleep in a tent.  Whatever.  They are all together and joking and the claws are out for my BFF Vienna.

Tenley is appalled by Vienna being so affectionate with Jake.  Seriously, I need this little girl to go home.  I am over her “poor me, my heart was broken and I was a virgin” act.  She is an airhead, and I’m done with her.

First date of the trip is a one-on-one for Gia.  This girl is incredibly pretty.  That said, it would be impossible for her to be any dumber.  Her laugh, her voice, and her accent, all make me want to pull my ears off.  She gets on his Harley in stilettos and when she gets off the bike, she is worried about how her hair looks.  Please make it stop and send her home.

Jake asks what she was like when she was in school and for a moment I thought she would say she never went to school.  I don’t think it’s worth it to be that pretty if it comes with being that stupid.  They make out, he gives her a rose and she is in.  Blah. Blah. Blah.

When he kissed her she says it’s the best kiss of her entire life.  It was emotional for her and her heart stopped because she was caught in the moment.  She said it made her stop thinking for a minute.  Really?  I could not stop laughing at that comment.  This chick thinks?  Not happening.

It’s group date time and the gang is off for some dune buggy riding in Pismo Beach.  Vienna is part of the group and the girls start bagging on her right away.  They do some sand surfing and Jake is all about Tenley.  They have wine and dinner, then he has time alone with Corrie.

Who is Corrie?  She has been invisible for weeks. I just don’t get why she is still there.  I don’t remember her ever being there.  She brings nothing to the show.  She is safe and boring.  Maybe he likes her because she is white toast like he is.

The group goes to the Madonna Inn and they are all bouncing around like children.  I don’t get the giddiness part of their experience.  Is it because they are all so young?  They are all starting to bug me and the only one I like now is Vienna.  She is young but at least entertaining, not annoying.

Ashleigh has one-on-one time and it’s painful to watch.  He is clearly not into her and she just does not get it.  She says she is 25 but I think she is 35.  She is all over him and he is just blank and the awkwardness is fantastic.

It’s Ali’s turn.  She is beautiful, but a classic mean girl. She tells Jake she supports whatever decision he makes.  Really?  Liar.  If he picks Vienna she will not support it.  She will lose her mind.  Can’t wait.

Tenley says Jake’s lips are perfect and she is falling for him.  I feel sorry for her because of all the girls, she will have the most broken heart if it’s not her.  I don’t care enough however, for her to be the one.  She needs to go home and meet a nice young man at church.

Vienna is talking with Jake and he tells her he’s concerned by how much the other girls hate her.  He gives her the heads up to watch herself, and not start any trouble.  He doesn’t even kiss her.  I feel bad because I think he really likes her,  but is paying too much attention to what the other girls are saying.  Or maybe he is totally not into her, and the producers are making him keep her because she is the main reason we watch.

Ella and Kathryn are now on a two-on-one date.  Ella is totally taking over and Kathryn is left without an opportunity to speak.  She asks Jake what he is looking for, and he says something about wanting to see where a woman anchors her heart in faith and her family values.  He sounded a little Bush-esque and his face morphed into a piece of white toast.

He was never going to pick Ella.  He is never going to raise another man’s child.  It’s just not who he is.  I don’t think it makes him a bad person.  It’s not for everyone, and when he let’s her go, it is no surprise.  She is a pretty girl and she’ll be fine.  Bye, Bye Momma.

Jake is with Kathryn and it’s weird.  He tells her he is lost in her eyes.  She is clearly surprised.  Maybe it’s because it’s the first time he’s said more than two words to her since the show started.  She tells him he is ignoring her and her tone is enough to know that he is now going to dump her.  She is invisible and it was only a matter than time.  Bye, bye whatever your name is.

Jake gathers up his courage and sends both Ella and Kathryn home.  They feel blindsided.  I am proud of him for cutting them both loose and I respect him.  There is nothing more attractive than a man being a man.  He handled this well and I dug it.

We are down to seven and it’s the rose ceremony with one more girl about to go.  The remaining seven realize both girls have been eliminated and Tenley is crying and sad.  Really?  Come on Tenley.  This means you are one step closer.  Grow up and stop crying.  I want to hit her.

If Ali wears one more yellow dress I will have to turn the color off on my television.  Is she wearing the same dress every week, or does she only own yellow dresses?  I wonder if he picked her, and now that he is watching the show on television, sees who she really is and wants to shoot himself. 

Seven girls and six roses.  Gia and Tenley are in. Ali and Corrie are in.  With three women and two roses Jake decides he only needs one rose and he is going to send home two more girls.  It’s a blood bath and Chris Harrison is fantastic as he tells the girls what is happening.

We’re down to Ashleigh, Vienna and Jessie.  Our girl Vienna is the winner.  Jessie is sad but there is no way she could have thought for one minute she was staying.  Ashleigh, the old lady, is shocked that he chose Vienna over her.  Maybe he didn’t pick you because you are boring.  Tenley and Ali are fuming and bashing Vienna in whispers.

Ashleigh is bawling and cussing and leaves a snotty mess.  Classic.  Jake is taking the remaining five ladies to San Francisco and will dump one before he heads out to the hometown dates.  I am more interested in who he does not pick than who the final two are.  If Vienna leaves, it will be hard to stay in it. 

This is the first season where I did not have the perfect girl selected in my mind by this point.  I’m just not that invested in the women. Maybe it’s because they are all mediocre or perhaps it’s because I’m not that interested in Jake.

Of course I will watch it till the bitter end, but I’m hoping something juicy happens.  Maybe Ali and Vienna can get into a fight, Ali gets a black eye, then wears a yellow dress, looks like a bumblebee, Vienna thinks she’s a bug, and kills her. Whatever it is, I’m in.  As for the final five, the end is near ladies, so keep the faith. 

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January 25, 2010 | 4:05 pm

Jersey Shore on Match.com [removed]

Posted by Ilana Angel

This article has been removed by JewishJournal.com.

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January 24, 2010 | 6:22 pm

Jersey Shore Farewell

Posted by Ilana Angel

Pauly D, The Situation, Ronnie

My guiltiest pleasure wrapped up this past week with the season finale of Jersey Shore on MTV.  I love these kids.  Honestly.  I love it that they say “honestly” every 20 seconds.  All of them use it like the “like” of a valley girl in the 80’s.  Honestly.

The finale starts up with Ronnie being held in jail for knocking out a guy on the boardwalk.  I love this kid.  He is huge, loveable and likes to fight.  Honestly.  Snookie calls the police station and says “I’m looking for Ronnie” and that was enough for the cop to tell her everything. 

It’s 3:30 in the morning and Ronnie can be picked up at 6:30.  He’s in jail for 3 hours and the only thing his girlfriend Sammi talks about, is how she has not slept alone all summer.  Ronnie is in jail with guidos and hookers, but Sammi has to sleep alone for 3 hours!

Ronnie bails himself out.  He calls the house and it rings forever before selfish Sammi realizes her boy might be calling.  From Prison!  She finally answers and goes to pick him up. 

Ronnie is embarrassed and his reaction to the entire situation is quite sad.  He is not remorseful he hit the kid, just upset he got caught.  He’s in bed with Sammi and instead of her comforting him, she is whining that she had to sleep alone for 2 seconds while he was in the joint.  He then apologizes to her.  This guy is whipped.  He needs to dump Sammi because she is too selfish to be with anyone but herself.

It is Labor Day weekend and the gang is trying to make sure they have the best weekend of the summer.  The Situation says he wants to spend it with someone special, but not sure who.  “Special” for him is someone he can be with for more than 10 minutes.  He starts calling around but can’t get a hold of anyone. 

He can’t get a date so he changes his plans telling the roomies they don’t need any outsiders.  They are going to chill and knock out the weekend together.  Does he not realize we just saw him frantically trying to score a date?  We’ve got a situation with The Situation.  He is not the sharpest tool in the shed.  He may however be the hardest.  I’m just saying.

JWoww is at work and she sees a bunch of “gorilla juice heads”.  These are body builders with steroid track marks.  She calls the house, wakes up Snookie, and tells her to come to the juice head buffet.  They are wondering around like Jews through the desert and finally give up when the juice heads cannot he found.  Now the entire group is together hanging on the beach. 

The Situation is picking up girls who are 16.  Best line is when the guys ask how old she is and he says he never asked.  He figures she is 10 years younger and Vinny says “10’ll get you 20”.  The situation dumps the jailbait and Snookie decides to go back to the house to call Keith, who she has been crushing on, because she wants to be his date and has not heard from him.

Keith blows off Snookie and she is about to lose her mind.  She starts cruising the boardwalk and it is hilarious.  She is now dancing on the boardwalk.  By herself.  When she realizes she has drawn a crowd, she thinks about putting her hat out for donations.  I love this chick.  She sees her ex, who she still loves, on the balcony of a bar.  She invites him to her house, tells him she misses him, and he blows her off.  She freaks out and walks home, talking to herself.

It’s the last night and the boys are heading home from their bonding time.  Sammi and Ronnie are out for a romantic dinner where they decide to stay together after their time on the Jersey Shore.  Snookie is home crying and feeling like a loser.

They are now all home.  It’s a bit anticlimactic really.  It was a wild summer, but it’s going out with a fizzle not a bang.  I’m waiting for something juicy to happen, but nothing. 

Snookie makes out with The Situation in the hot tub.  It’s exactly what happened the first day.  In the end he stops because she is like his little sister.  I like Mike in the end.  He’s a mensch who disguises himself as a guido, and that is oddly attractive.

The kids are all having a final dinner and reminiscing about the summer.  They are sad and saying goodbye and it ends with them saying they should all get a shore house together next year.  The came in big and left rather small.

UPDATE:  According to TMZ, MTV is bringing back Jersey Shore for a 2nd season.  They have offered the original 7 kids a $10k signing bonus and $5k an episode each.  They have turned it down!  MTV came back with a $10k per episode offer and they have yet to respond.  They are sticking together and insisting that they all get the same.  I love these kids.  Honestly!

Follow Keeping the Faith on Twitter @ilanaangel

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January 22, 2010 | 6:19 pm

Scott Brown Naked - Who Cares?

Posted by Ilana Angel

A wolf in sheep's clothing

I love a good-looking naked man as much as the next girl, but this is one I can’t quite bring myself to appreciate.  It does not matter that he is gorgeous and I want to run my fingers down his chest.  What matters is that he is a Republican and therefore just not that attractive.

Everyone is talking about the fact that he posed naked, but have lost site of the fact that his seat was held by Ted Kennedy, a Democrat, since 1952.  It’s sad to me that the Democrats lost the seat, and sadder still that people bought into his “I’m not an old guard Republican” rhetoric.

He tried to sell himself as a normal guy who was in touch with the people. I just don’t buy it.  He is a wealthy, educated man who is married to a television personality, and is not a regular guy at all.

No other Republican ran against him in the primary, so he never had to talk about classic Republican issues.  No one was given the opportunity to realize how scary he really is.

He thinks gay marriage should be decided state by state.  What is that?  Either you support it or you don’t, and he does not.  It is not a state by state issue.  It is a human rights issue and every gay person in America should have the opportunity and ability to marry.

He is against a national health care bill.  He talks about his desire to strongly fight Islamic terrorism, but the points he focused on are things that our President is already doing, and what any normal person would want to support.

You can take the belief system of the Republican party and masquerade it in the body of a hot and sexy man, but if it walks like a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality, and talks like a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality, then chances are it is simply a crazy old man who is out of touch with reality.

If he poses again for Cosmo, which they have asked him to do, I won’t buy it.  I really don’t care.  What I care about is the fact the America is going to hell in a hand basket, one tiny step at a time.  All I can do is be thankful that I never revoked my Canadian citizenship, and keep the faith.

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January 22, 2010 | 1:25 pm

Sex and the City

Posted by Ilana Angel

Last night I went out for dinner with a group of girlfriends.  I was hoping to be able to get my mojo back and flirt with the waiter but she wasn’t my type.  She was also the bartender, so that was two possibilities out the window.  The one waiter there was old enough to be my dad, and it was pouring rain, so the valet guy was not going to be an option.  Sorry Tamar.  I really tried.

Once I came to terms with the fact that it was a night of just the ladies, I settled in for a lovely evening.  I worked with this group of women at the Shoah Foundation.  We spent years together in a stressful job and it created a bond that is very special.  We can speak in shorthand with each other and have a million memories together.

We have gone through weddings, divorces and a gaggle of boyfriends together.  Last night however, was the first time that we have all been together where I was the only single one.  We went to Bokado, a great little Spanish/Tapas restaurant.  Like the women of Sex and the City, we ordered cosmos and settled in for 3 hours of catch up.

“C” is the matriarch.  I have loved her for as long as I can remember.  She dresses impeccably and in the 14 years I have known her, she has never had a bad hair day.  She is a grandmother, but you’d never know it.  Her husband adores her.  They were high school sweethearts and if I didn’t know and love them, their perfectness would totally annoy me.  You can mention any name from the Los Angeles Jewish community and she’s got a story about that person.  She’s a hoot and sat at the head of the table as our fearless leader.

“B” is the person who hired me to work at the Foundation 13 years ago. She is probably the nicest person I have ever met in my life.  There is not an unkind bone in this girl’s body.  She is an angel and I truly feel blessed to know her.  She had a beautiful wedding and her husband is a remarkable man.  They are the loveliest of couples and hoping to start a family soon.  She will be an amazing mother.  When I was getting divorced she was the fist person I told.  She has a nurturing energy that makes people feel safe and loved.

“M” is an amazing girl and I love her.  She has the most generous heart and spirit.  She got married last year to her dream man.  He is tall, Jewish, handsome, smart and a total mensch.  I cannot picture her with anyone else, which is weird since I told her she should dump him!  They dated for a long time and I thought she might be wasting her time with a man who could not commit.  Thank God she didn’t listen!  They are my favorite couple.  I have been spending a lot of time with them and it has changed how I view my own life and my goals.  Her husband is my go to guy for a man’s opinion, which a great thing to have.  They too are hoping to start a family and I wish them blessings.  They are wonderful people and deserve nothing but joy.

“JK” is hilarious.  She has a daughter that just went off to college last fall and she misses her baby so much.  I can tell how sad she is by her Facebook status everyday.  She is a great teacher to me.  She has just one child and is divorced.  Out paths are very similar and I learn from what she goes through, knowing I will follow close behind.  She really put herself out there in terms of dating.  She was very proactive and has now met the one.  Her boyfriend is wonderful.  They met online and he is it.  It is inspiring and I imagine that one day they will just decide to get married and it will be spontaneous.  She is my hero in terms of looking for love.  She never gave up, never settled for good enough, and is now with her Beshert.

“J” has been my closest friend.  I introduced her to her husband and she said a blessing at my son’s Bar Mitzvah.  We recently had a disagreement and last night was the first time I had seen her in a while.  It was lovely to be with her.  I miss her and hopeful that things will be sorted out. 

It was a wonderful evening.  We figured it was time to go when our waitress came to say goodbye because she was leaving for the night.  When we are all together we always laugh, sometimes cry, reminisce and manage to share our dreams and goals.  Friends are important and I am a lucky girl to count these ladies among mine.  They have been with me in times of joy and sorrow and they are one of the main reasons I am able to always keep the faith.

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January 21, 2010 | 7:52 pm

John Edwards, Douche Lord

Posted by Ilana Angel

The Douche Lord

I write a blog about looking for love.  My heart has been broken.  Rather than retreat to a life of loneliness and defeat, I wipe myself off and get back up, each time I fall. 

I admittedly have a romanticized view of love.  I believe in soul mates and happily ever after.  There are few examples that I can refer to and say, I want what they have.

I can remember looking at John and Elizabeth Edwards and thinking that they were the fairytale.  They were beautiful, successful and in love.  They endured unimaginable heartbreak, and tremendous joy.

They were united and it was beautiful. His support of her through her illness was inspiring.  During the heartache that I experienced, I took comfort in their marriage.  It gave me hope.

That was then.  Today, I think John Edwards is a Douche Lord and his wife should divorce him.  His little girl, Quinn, should never give him the privilege of ever knowing her. 

I am not going to hold back, and while I know I will get slammed for it, I don’t care.  This guy is beyond disgusting.  I get that people cheat on their spouses.  I have been cheated on.  It happens, and though it’s a deal breaker for me, it does not have to be for everyone.

When Elizabeth stayed with him after his infidelity I felt for her.  I supported her decision.  I’m not sure her staying with him would have been the outcome, if she were not sick, but whatever.  She was not willing to give up a life with a man she loved for a mistake.  Good for her. 

He has been denying that he was the father of this little girl from the moment she was born.  Put aside what he thinks about his wife or his whore.  What does it say about him that he did not care about this child?

This little girl is going to grow up with a father who is a Douche Lord and a mother who is a whore.  She slept with a man who she knew was married.  She knew that not only was he married, his wife was ill.  Her lack of respect for herself and Mrs. Edwards makes her a whore. 

I feel horrible for Elizabeth and her children.  I feel horrible for this little girl.  I even feel a little bad for the whore that she got herself into this mess.  Who I do not feel sorry for, is John Edwards.

He has embarrassed himself and his family.  I hope the punishment is great.  I pray that Elizabeth has the strength to survive this.  Should she pass now, it will be yet another nail that he put into her coffin.  How much more is this poor woman supposed to deal with?

God Bless this family.  These are lives that are forever changed because of this pig.  John Edwards is a Douche Lord and he better start praying.  Do not waste your time praying for forgiveness John.  Pray that you are travelling first class on the train to hell because that is where you are headed.

Life will go on for all of us.  I pray that it will also go on for Elizabeth Edwards.  I am sending her my prayers.  Keep the faith Mrs. Edwards.  Keep the faith.

**Follow Keeping the Faith on Twitter @ilanaangel

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January 21, 2010 | 2:11 pm

Reality Television vs. Dating

Posted by Ilana Angel

Yesterday a reader named Tamar sent me the following comment: “It seems that your blog is less about being single in LA and more about reality TV. What happened to that? If I want a reality TV rundown I could go elsewhere.”

You are correct Tamar.  The last couple of weeks have been more about television than my dating life.  And yes, if you want to read about reality shows, you could totally look somewhere else.  They won’t be nearly as entertaining as mine, but you are welcome to go take a look.

Here’s the thing, my current dating life sucks.  It’s a drag.  I’ve lost my energy in terms of getting all dolled up to have dinner with a stranger.  Even my heartfelt desire to be in a relationship is being tested. 

First, it is pouring rain and impossible for me to have cute hair.  I either have to go with Jew fro, or slick it back in a bun.  I could put on a hat, but it shades my face, and then he’ll think I’m trying to hide something.

I’ve had 2 dates in last couple of weeks and both were too pathetic to even write about.  By pathetic of course I mean embarrassing.  I honestly did not think it would be this hard to meet someone.  I am fearless in terms of putting myself out there, but I just don’t have it in me at the moment. 

Date one was with a man who was 42 and spent the entire date calling me a cougar.  I am 8 months older than him.  8 months and I am a cougar!  He told the waiter we were on our first date and I was a cougar.  I wanted to smack him, but then he would have had me arrested for child abuse.  I bailed.  No second date.

Date two was with a man who was 55 and really lovely.  We had a nice date and while there was an age difference, we had things in common and he was a gentleman.  I enjoyed it.  When I put my hand on his arm while talking, I realized he had old people skin.  It was super soft and loose and I just couldn’t do it.  I bailed.  No second date.

How many horrible dates can I write about?  Even I’m starting to feel sorry for myself.  I’m much more comfortable with all of you feeling sorry for me.  Do you have someone to set me up with Tamar?  You could snap me out of my dating funk with one simple set up!

I went to a party last weekend for a friend’s birthday.  (Happy Birthday Elaine!  Great party.)  Other than a couple of fabulous gay men, I think I was the only single woman there.  I met some really fabulous couples, and it made me want to be part of a couple, yet lately I’ve done nothing to make it happen for me.

I am a dating machine.  I date a lot.  In fact, I date more than any of my single friends.  I love men and I date to meet someone, so I decided to be proactive until I find him.  The thing is, I’ve lost my mojo.  Rather than date just for the sake of dating, I’m laying low and watching reality television.

I suffer, because it’s harder to get back on the horse when you wait too long.  My readers suffer, because I am not regaling them with my dating antics.  My Beshert suffers, because I am not searching for him, so he has to wait for me.  It’s a big mess.

Your comment may have been just what I needed to kick me back into gear.  Thanks Tamar.  I am going to round up a date for this weekend.  I need to get my fabulous self back out there.  Enough is enough.  You are a good reader!

I am having dinner with some girlfriends tonight so maybe I’ll hit on the waiter.  I need some practice since I’ve been out of it for a while.  Maybe I’ll start with the busboy or the valet guy, and work my way up to the waiter by dessert.

I’m not giving up on my reality television recaps though.  Tonight is the season finale of Jersey Shore so you know I’ve got to say something!  I will get back on track with my dating this weekend and all will be well again.

Thank you Tamar.  Thanks to everyone who reads my blog.  I am amazed every day by how many people read it.  I appreciate you staying with my while I go through a dating slump.  As for my getting back to the focused single dater that I truly am, just keep the faith!

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